Hogans

Only a Hogan tramp would wear a swimsuit from Wal-mart with Sigourney Weaver's pants from "Working Girl." When are these twats going to realize that in this day and age only babies are allowed to wear high-waisted crap. If you can wipe your own ass without help from daddy then you have no business wearing this mess. Oh wait. Okay, Brooke has permission.

Here's more of Brooke looking like her mommy (and that's not a compliment) in NYC yesterday.

Day-shift hooker alert! Brooke Hogan must be one secure tranny to go out with such a gorgeous friend. I mean, spandex/lace dress, spray-painted fake Louboutins, white lame shorty jacket and red rouge for days - perfection! This is the way every young liquor store hooker lady should dress for a classy night on the town.

AND! I can no longer clown on Brooke. Bitch is wearing exquisite lucite heels! If those beauties are from the Shauna Sand collection, I will get on my knees and worship her ding dong. Brooke Hogan is okay by me. Yup, lucite heels is all it takes.

Here's Brooke and her gorgeous day-shift hooker friend outside the Waverly Inn in NYC last night. WAIT?! NYC?! Excuse me, I have to go stalk KMart's lingerie department in hopes of seeing Brooke's stunning friend. Day-shift hookers love KMart's lingerie dept.

Brooke Hogan talked to UsWeekly about those creepy ass pictures of her daddy giving her nalgas and thighs a rub down with lotion. I think we all simultaneously took scalding hot showers after seeing those pictures.

Brooke said, "I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!"

You know Hulk came when he read that. And what does an old car have to do with any of this?! Unless you're the dude who has fucked 1,000 cars, nobody should grope a car like that.

Image: INFDaily.com

TMZ got a hold of a 911 call Linda Hogan made on May 22nd. Linda told the 911 ho that Hulk Hogan was outside of her house even though she has a court order keeping his ass away from her. Hulk got into his car and drove away. That's when Linda got into her car and started following him. Umm.....who's stalking who? The operator had to tell Linda to stop following Hulk.

Linda probably has people following her around on a daily basis to remind her to not put her fingers in light sockets. This bitch is so stupid! The operator obviously wanted to shout, "You braindead skank! I'm through with you!"

Click here to listen to Mensa's newest member call 911. Nick and Brooke never had a fucking chance.

I wish Hulk Hogan's soul searching would lead him to the middle of the Serengeti. The last thing this dumb bitch needed to do was to go on Larry King. And that's exactly what he did last night. The dreary leather bag talked about everything from the jail house phone calls that leaked to the media's unfair coverage of his son's case.

When asked about the tape of him saying that John Graziano (the victim) must have done something bad for God to punish him like this, Hulk responded, "“It’s in God’s hands. Did I say things wrong? Yes. I said them incorrectly.”

Hulk continued to use God's name, “This is in God’s hands. I believe things happen for a reason. This is to make Nick a better person. In my belief, this is to make John a better person.” WTF?! Somebody needs to wire his jaw shut the same way Tammy from The Real World: Los Angeles wired her shit shut. Hulk Hogan's speaking rights have been revoked!

At the end of the interview, Hulk started to break down. Of course he did. He probably pictured Linda Hogan naked as is "breakdown" inspiration.

In case you give an eff, click here to see all the clips from last night's show. And is it just me or does Hulk's lawyer looks like he's just stepped out from Donald Trump's House of Beauty?

20-year-old Brooke Hogan is "totally freaked out" over her 48-year-old mother dating a 19-year-old tool. Yes, that dude is 19. Yes, in human years. Brooke told E! News, "I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support." Say what?

Brooke also said that Linda's new beast-boy or whatever we're calling him is one of Nick Hogan's classmates. She went on to say, "I went to school with him. He was a grade under me...Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school)."

The Hogan family is a house full of OLD. They make the Lohans look like pre-schoolers.

Brooke should be freaked out. Both her parents are dating twats that look like their kids. They all look the same! What if they accidentally get into the wrong bed at night (it happens)? Barf inducer.