SamRo

We all basically had a laugh about the rumor that HoHan and SamRo are going to throw the gayelle wedding of the month year. Yeah, it's not going to happen, but I have my flannel flower girl outfit ready just in case. Even though the rumor is about as real as my afternoon delights with Carrot Top (don't judge), this hasn't stopped Michael Lohan from opening his gutter trap and spewing a bunch of trash.

He told MSNBC's The Scoop, “I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

Michael, sweetie, honey. Let's be real here. Stop using the "Christian" thing. She wouldn't ask you because you're her daddy and she can't stand you. I've listened to "Confessions of a Broken Heart" many times (unfortunately), so I know how she feels deep down.

And is your Christian faith the reason why you continue to wear your cell phone strapped to your waist. Only Jesus can enlighten me about this shit! I don't understand it! It truly makes my eyes curdle every time I see some twat bag with a cell phone strapped to their waist. It's wrong and should be illegal.

The News of the World (cue laugh track) claims SamRo and HoHan will become wife and wife at the end of this year in Los Angeles. Okay, this isn't the celebrity gayelle wedding I had in mind, but I'd take it. I'm still praying every day for a Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon union. This will do....for now.

This is where it gets comical. A source said that White Oprah is planning the party herself. She is putting together a lavish party to "welcome Sam into her family." Some lavish party. If White Oprah is planning it, expect no food and no entertainment, but plenty of cameras and booze. Hey, I guess that's all you need.

The source also said HoHan is shopping for the perfect mini-dress to wear during the wedding. Mini-dress? HoHan doesn't even shit without wearing leggings! Her coochie probably starts wailing when it's not covered up by lycra. And a wailing coochie during the wedding ceremony would be a distraction. And of course, SamRo plans to wear a suit and a top hat.

The source went on to blab, "They've been keeping the relationship quiet for months and trying to pass each other off as ‘just good friends.' But they've decided it isn't a fling, it's for life— so they want to make their romance public."

Who needs a wedding to announce that you like to bump naked beavers? Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned cover on TIME magazine with the text "Yep, I'm Gay!" Well, it's 2008 now, so the text will have to read "Yep, We're Gayelles!"

Here's our favorite hipster gayelles with Mark Ronson at Lollapalooza in Chicago this past weekend. Oh and I'm assuming Ray-Ban will be the official sunglasses of the HoHan-SamRo wedding. Seriously, that's all these whores wear.

....And I love her for that. Yesterday in Los Angeles, SamRo and her woman were walking around doing lesbionic shit together. SamRo wore this filthy t-shirt featuring dicks in chains and dudes touching each other all rough-like. Yes, that's what I like to see.

Will one of you whores please tell me where to buy this shit! I can't wait to rock it with my gold sequined asshole cutters and lucite loafers. I'll wear it to an IHOP in New Jersey on a Sunday afternoon. I like watching freaked out parents cover their children's eyes in fear! They do that anyway when I walk by, but they would do it in record time if I wore this t-shirt.

Below are more pics of hot ass SamRo and her hotter t-shirt. Some of them might be a little NSFWish when you blow them up. But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job. Looking at dicks all day long is important for your health and well-being. You can stay with me while you job search. If I don't look at a picture of a dick at least once every hour, my eyes stop working.

UPDATE: SamRo's hot ass t-shirt was made for the band The Virgins. Sadly, it's not sold online, but they sell them at their shows.

And HoHan isn't wearing leggings! The earthquake messed with their brains. HoHan and SamRo were back in Los Angeles yesterday after spreading their gayelle cheer all over NYC. SamRo also got some sort of haircut? I guess you could call it a haircut? It looks like a deliciously dykey chocolate and vanilla sundae with NO NUTS.

SamRo is like every dude I effed in high school. They all had hair like that, they all worshipped The Cure and they all really loved hoodies. If I saw her hot ass in a gay club, I'd probably tell my friend "I'm gonna get with that hot dude." If we did sexy times and I was drunk enough, I wouldn't even realize that she doesn't have a penis! That's some Brandon Teena shit. Okay, I'd hit it even if I wasn't drunk.

Here's SamRo and HoHan going to the movies yesterday. They are seriously joined at the clit.

Just because HoHan is licking up SamRo's lezzy water does not mean she needs to copy her style. Leave your hat on when you're bumping bacon strips, take it off when you go out in public. At least HoHan is still dressing like one of Stevie Wonder's back-up singers. That's what I call a "finger-bangin" dress.

And did HoHan get her lips done or is that from too much munching? Cooter eatin' lips!

Here's HoRo looking like two gayelles caught in the headlights at some Sephora event last night.

So did HoHan catch SamRo's air kiss or did she just let it linger? Because if you don't catch air kisses, they will find someone to land on. Some random bitch is probably wondering why they smell like patchouli, tuna tartare and cedar chips. That's what HoHan's coochie smells like. Wait, maybe SamRo is smelling her fingers. Eau de FireLezz.

And just because HoHan is licking labia now, doesn't mean she can't shave her stems. Although, I like the way her leg hairs glimmer like a little lesbian peach in the sunlight.

Speaking of lesbian peaches, which one of you smart ass bitches sent HoHan a FRUIT basket to her set? I told you! You're supposed to send Gay Al Reynolds the FRUIT basket. HoHan gets the basket of tools and flannel!

HoHan continued to celebrate her 42nd 22nd birfday by going to the gayest place on earth....Disneyland! Actually, the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, CA is the gayest place on earth. Disneyland is a close second.

HoHan was joined by SamRo and her much older sister Ali Lohan. Is Ali fucking wearing a choker?! I have to hand it to her. She's really committed to looking like a middle-aged, twice-divorced officer manager from the early 90s.

You know they only went on the Alice in Wonderland ride so that SamRo's little finger could fall down HoHan's fire rabbit hole. Hopefully, they also hit up the Haunted Mansion ride, because that's really the best place in Disneyland to do sexy sexy times on the down low. So I've heard.

Here's more gayelles in Wonderland on Thursday along with some pics of SamRo playing gross music for a bunch of skanks at Tao Beach in Las Vegas yesterday.

.....And I'm not talking about the hot bitch with the moobs. Hmmm...they both have moobs. I mean, the hot bitch in the polo shirt.

HoHan was on Ryan Seacrest's morning show today and was asked what she wants to accomplish this year and she answered, "Um..I just want to live a happy, healthy year and continue on the path I've been on. And...you know....be with the person that I care about and my family." Gaycrest missed an opportunity to burst into song and gaily sing , "Leeeeeeezzzz beeee friieeeeends foreeeever...." Instead, boring ass Gaycrest just went on to the next question. Click here to listen to HoHan's interview if youc are.

HoHan also celebrated her 15th annual 22nd birthday last night by having a small party at Teddy's. Her possibly special someone, SamRo, gave her a gold bracelet as a birthday gift. Gold bracelet?! Did it have a dildo attached to it? What the hell kind of gayelle gift is that?! I mean, no gift certificate to Land's End or Home Depot? No season tickets to the WBNA? No mixed-tape featuring the Indigo Girls, K.D. Lang and Ani DiFranco? For Shame! These bitches need to go to Gayelle School.

Here's some pictures of HoHan and SamRo doing lesbian-type things yesterday. I also threw in some pictures of Mark Ronson performing in London today, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Solange is standing a little too close to HoHan's private pussy. She better stand back or HoHan's greasy snatch hands will attack the Beyonce-hand-me-down-wig sitting on her head! Solange also doesn't want HoHan's twatty ciggie breath screaming at her, "Get your 15-year-old Full House ass off my girlfriend!" Yeah, Solange isn't 15 and has never been on "Full House," but that's the only insult HoHan knows.

Luckily, this didn't happen, but it does look like someone attacked Solange's dress or maybe it came that way? Beyonce probably gave her basement baby sister that dress as a birthday pressie and told her it was a Dior original, but it's really made out of orange silk flowers on clearance from Joann.

Here's Solange, SamRo, HoHan, Beyonce and Mama Knowles at Solange's birthday party. Was her party held in the basement?!

They skipped both of those and settled for the chin dildo. SamRo looks like she could head bop the hell out of HoHan's fire chocha.

SamHo spent a lovely Sunday together in gayelle bliss doing lesbionic things like shopping and eating hamburgers. Awwww...and they even wore matching white pants.