SamRo

Is SamRo making a "queef face" because she thinks HoHan's new hair stinks? I sort of agree. It's like a lovely shade of peach barf. However, maybe she's slowing embracing her inner ginge and her weave will soon make it to her natural color. But who knows what her natural color is anymore.

Even my mommy cares about the lesbionic adventures of SamRo and HoHan. Although, she doesn't really know their names. She calls them "the butchie" and "that girl from Angry Girls." Of course, she means the bull dyke and the ho from "Mean Girls." You know how moms are.

Here's "the butchie" and the chick from "Angry Girls" at the opening of Apple (no relation to the iPod hos) last night.

I've seen SamRo wearing guyliner many a time, but never a face full of make-up! How in gayelle hell did they manage to get make-up on her? HoHan probably just rubbed a little foundation on her coochie and then smeared it all over SamRo's face. I don't like my SamRo with make-up on. She's giving me Chris Crocker fever in some of these pictures.

Mark Ronson, SamRo and her twins sissy Charlotte did a "Royal Tenenbaums" themed photo shoot for September's Harper's Bazaar. They decided to cast SamRo in the Fishsticks Paltrow role. Fish? Naturally.

Click here to read the article, but it's just a bunch of rich kids trying not to sound rich.

And I think my love affair with Mark has come to an end. He's so fucking smug in every picture. I just want to wipe that smirk off his face with my ass lips. Okay, I'd still hit.

SamRo turned thirty-wonderful (that's what my mom says) yesterday and she celebrated with her bumpin' buddy, HoHan, and some other skanks. The party started with dinner at Matsuhisa, a sushi restaurant in Beverly Hills. Why go out for raw fish when you can have it at home?!

After dinner, the party continued outside on the street where an ice cream truck was waiting for them. Ice cream trucks always scared me as a child, because my bitch of a cousin told me that's where they store dead children. This skank said the ice cream man would kidnap kids, chop 'em up and put them in the freezer in his truck. I'm sure that's happened before, but that whore bag didn't have to tell me that! It still didn't keep me away from spending my ho money on delicious frozen treats.

Anylezzy, here's more of SamRo's birthday last night. HoHan is looking a little praying mantis-ish. It's because she's on the all-fish diet. And look at the first thumbnail, you know that shit is going to be put to good use. Ice cream in the firecrotch!

HoHan's main partner in pussy, SamRo, turns 31 today! I'm sure she'll celebrate by blowing the flames out of HoHan's firecrotch. Eating cooze works for her, because the girl looks younger than HoHan. Although, that's not saying much.

I thought she should celebrate this important gayelle day by looking at a couple of pictures from SamRo's senior high school yearbook sent in to me by a reader. SamRo went to a fancy all-girls joint called The Chapin School in NYC. Above is SamRo's senior stats. We never had that shit! We only had our names and they usually fucked mine up. Here's what it all means:

Name: Samantha Ronson
Dream: Jack
Reality: Whack
Best Kept Secret: Natural blonde
Male Equivalent: Puck
Quotable Quote/Trademark: Out of uniform
Starring in the Remake of: Rebel without a Cause
Usually Found: ?
You in 20 Years: Famous

Fascinating, isn't it? And please don't tell me she's talking about Puck from the Real World: San Francisco?! Puck used to eat his own scabs! Okay, that makes sense. And it's so cliche of her to want to star in remake of Rebel without a Cause! She'll play Jim Stark of course. HoHan is way too haggard-looking to play Judy. She can play Mrs. Stark.

Here's also a page from SamRo's yearbook featuring her in a skirt! You know she totally wore shorts underneath there. And of course a picture from her basketball team. Figures. I also threw in some pictures of my favorite hipster gayelles in Los Angeles yesterday. E! reports that they recently got matching black heart tattoos on their hands. Awwww.....it is love and it's smart. I'd rather have a black heart on my body than some bitch's name. In fact, I'm going to get a black heart tatoo on my sleeve.

Those bitches taking picturs of SamRo and HoHan are so hot. It's like they are the zoo and SamRo and HoHan are a couple of lezzie baboons. They're not even trying to hide the fact that they're taking pictures of them up close. I don't think they've ever seen hipster gayelles up close like that. Just don't feed the gayelles! They eat enough of each other.

These two have taken their lezzie act on the road again. This time they're spreading the gayelle cheer in Miami. And by "cheer" I mean fleas. Lesbian fleas.

Here's more of the hipster gayelles smoking fags in Miami. Speaking of smoking fags. I have a question for all the whores out there. That means it's time for the children and the Christians to leave the room. Okay, whenever a dude smokes a lot, his jizz usually tastes and smells like a fucking ashtray. Is it the same for chicks who smoke? Like does their lady juices taste like ciggie ash? Inquiring whores want to know. I want to know.

We all basically had a laugh about the rumor that HoHan and SamRo are going to throw the gayelle wedding of the month year. Yeah, it's not going to happen, but I have my flannel flower girl outfit ready just in case. Even though the rumor is about as real as my afternoon delights with Carrot Top (don't judge), this hasn't stopped Michael Lohan from opening his gutter trap and spewing a bunch of trash.

He told MSNBC's The Scoop, “I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

Michael, sweetie, honey. Let's be real here. Stop using the "Christian" thing. She wouldn't ask you because you're her daddy and she can't stand you. I've listened to "Confessions of a Broken Heart" many times (unfortunately), so I know how she feels deep down.

And is your Christian faith the reason why you continue to wear your cell phone strapped to your waist. Only Jesus can enlighten me about this shit! I don't understand it! It truly makes my eyes curdle every time I see some twat bag with a cell phone strapped to their waist. It's wrong and should be illegal.

The News of the World (cue laugh track) claims SamRo and HoHan will become wife and wife at the end of this year in Los Angeles. Okay, this isn't the celebrity gayelle wedding I had in mind, but I'd take it. I'm still praying every day for a Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon union. This will do....for now.

This is where it gets comical. A source said that White Oprah is planning the party herself. She is putting together a lavish party to "welcome Sam into her family." Some lavish party. If White Oprah is planning it, expect no food and no entertainment, but plenty of cameras and booze. Hey, I guess that's all you need.

The source also said HoHan is shopping for the perfect mini-dress to wear during the wedding. Mini-dress? HoHan doesn't even shit without wearing leggings! Her coochie probably starts wailing when it's not covered up by lycra. And a wailing coochie during the wedding ceremony would be a distraction. And of course, SamRo plans to wear a suit and a top hat.

The source went on to blab, "They've been keeping the relationship quiet for months and trying to pass each other off as ‘just good friends.' But they've decided it isn't a fling, it's for life— so they want to make their romance public."

Who needs a wedding to announce that you like to bump naked beavers? Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned cover on TIME magazine with the text "Yep, I'm Gay!" Well, it's 2008 now, so the text will have to read "Yep, We're Gayelles!"

Here's our favorite hipster gayelles with Mark Ronson at Lollapalooza in Chicago this past weekend. Oh and I'm assuming Ray-Ban will be the official sunglasses of the HoHan-SamRo wedding. Seriously, that's all these whores wear.

....And I love her for that. Yesterday in Los Angeles, SamRo and her woman were walking around doing lesbionic shit together. SamRo wore this filthy t-shirt featuring dicks in chains and dudes touching each other all rough-like. Yes, that's what I like to see.

Will one of you whores please tell me where to buy this shit! I can't wait to rock it with my gold sequined asshole cutters and lucite loafers. I'll wear it to an IHOP in New Jersey on a Sunday afternoon. I like watching freaked out parents cover their children's eyes in fear! They do that anyway when I walk by, but they would do it in record time if I wore this t-shirt.

Below are more pics of hot ass SamRo and her hotter t-shirt. Some of them might be a little NSFWish when you blow them up. But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job. Looking at dicks all day long is important for your health and well-being. You can stay with me while you job search. If I don't look at a picture of a dick at least once every hour, my eyes stop working.

UPDATE: SamRo's hot ass t-shirt was made for the band The Virgins. Sadly, it's not sold online, but they sell them at their shows.

And HoHan isn't wearing leggings! The earthquake messed with their brains. HoHan and SamRo were back in Los Angeles yesterday after spreading their gayelle cheer all over NYC. SamRo also got some sort of haircut? I guess you could call it a haircut? It looks like a deliciously dykey chocolate and vanilla sundae with NO NUTS.

SamRo is like every dude I effed in high school. They all had hair like that, they all worshipped The Cure and they all really loved hoodies. If I saw her hot ass in a gay club, I'd probably tell my friend "I'm gonna get with that hot dude." If we did sexy times and I was drunk enough, I wouldn't even realize that she doesn't have a penis! That's some Brandon Teena shit. Okay, I'd hit it even if I wasn't drunk.

Here's SamRo and HoHan going to the movies yesterday. They are seriously joined at the clit.

Just because HoHan is licking up SamRo's lezzy water does not mean she needs to copy her style. Leave your hat on when you're bumping bacon strips, take it off when you go out in public. At least HoHan is still dressing like one of Stevie Wonder's back-up singers. That's what I call a "finger-bangin" dress.

And did HoHan get her lips done or is that from too much munching? Cooter eatin' lips!

Here's HoRo looking like two gayelles caught in the headlights at some Sephora event last night.