When you're on an Acela train from NYC to DC with someone you're currently bumping oysters with, you should spend most of the trip massaging each other's clitties, not fighting! Some nosy bitch was sitting near HoHan and SamRo on a train ride to DC and listened to them "quietly" arguing the entire time.
The bitch told Page Six that HoHan complained during most of the train ride and told SamRo that she's constantly doing what's best for them and not what's best for her. SamRo sat there with her hood over her head and sighed every now and again. During the fight, HoHan yelled at SamRo, "Don't fucking lie to me!"
These two actually talk to each other? I figured they only communicated through text messaging. I bet they even text during sexy times. While SamRo is eating the ham wallet, HoHan texts her, "O YES rt there i'm abt2 cum yeh kip dat tung Fkng goin!"
And yes, it's the slowest fucking gossip day ever.......
HoHan is a genius when it comes to picking Halloween costumes. Full Disclosure reports that she's chosen to go as Sarah Palin. You know, because ten million other people aren't going to dress as Palin for Halloweenie. Seriously, that's why I'm considering staying inside. The streets will be covered with Palins. There's not enough drugs or booze to help me deal with that. Wait. Maybe I should go as Cindy McCain? Then I'd have a valid reason to pop Vicodin all night. That would be a hot costume.
Anynotoriginalcostumechooser, HoHan's official vagina cleaner SamRo is considering dressing as Todd Palin. TODD?! For real? That's the best she could come up with?!
If HoHan insists on dressing as Palin, then SamRo should at least wear a Joe Sixpack costume. She doesn't even have to dress up. She just has to wear her normal clothes and carry a six packer of Natty Ice.
Here's these two crazy gayelles going to see Vadge at Madison Square Garden in NYC last night.
When you first saw the pictures of SamRo in a two-piece, I'm sure you either:
a) Rubbed one off.
b) Vomited with your eyes.
c) Wondered what the secret is to her sexy bikini body?
If you're in the c-group then I have the answer for you! SamRo talked to People about the pictures of her in a bikini while vacationing with her lady friend HoHan. She said she wasn't happy about it, but laughed when she heard that some people were impressed by her body. When asked what her secret is, she said, "No gym – well, not in the last five years. All the credit goes to Mom and Dad and their genes!"
SamRo said the only time she gets exercise is when she's "sprinting through airports to catch flights." She went on to say, "I get winded just reaching for my cigarettes!"
Umm...err....she forgot to mention a couple of important ways she stays thin. I'm sure her all-coochie-diet has something to do with it. You can eat all you want and you don't get fat! You might have breath like a bucket of chum, but at least you won't have a fat ass.
She was lying when she said she didn't work out that much. I'm sure she burns at least a hundred calories by doing her daily cardio exercise of scissor bumping.
SamRo and HoHan are still on a big lezzie holiday in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Don't forget to swallow the worm! You know, I could never bring myself to drink the tequila worm. This is surprising because I've swallowed a lot of funky.... Okay, I'll stop. It's too early for that sick gutter talk.
Yesterday, the two little dykies spent the day playing Scrabble (WTF), smoking fags, standing in front of the ocean, staring at the ocean, holding hands and eating frozen sperm pops. Those silly lezzies! You're not supposed to eat the sperm pops! You're supposed to put them up your snatch if you want a baby!
It's still a little strange seeing SamRo in a pretty bikini. She kind of looks like a younger Mr. Burns rocking a sexy two piece. I bet this is what Mark Ronson looks like in a bikini, but his chichis are probably bigger.
Here's more of these two getting sand in their 'ginas in Mexico. I bet the sand exfoliates their chochas when they bump them together later. It makes their honey ham coochies extra soft. Soft like a butch dyke's leather tool belt.
In high school, there was this majorly butchie gym teacher who basically made SamRo look like fucking Claudia Schiffer. A lot of dumb whores would mistakenly call her Mr. Honeycutt instead of Ms. Honeycutt (the names have been changed to protect the innocent). When it came time to get into the pool, Ms. Honeycutt came out in a tight one-piece swimsuit. It made all of us slap ourselves in the eyes, because we couldn't believe what we were seeing. We expected this bull dyke to come out in an oversized t-shirt and trunks to her knees. It made me feel uncomfortable at first, but then it was kind of hot. I like the unexpected.
I sort of felt the same way while looking at these pictures of SamRo and HoHan sunning their lezzie flaps in Cabo. Not only is SamRo wearing a bikini, but it's pink and looks like it came from fucking Sanrio. And you think you know someone! Next you're going to tell me that she isn't the one who wears the strap-on!
Here's more of these two hipster gayelles in Mexico. How do you say gayelle in Spanish? Maricalley? I just made that up, so it's probably really offensive or doesn't make any fucking sense.
This is what happens when you bump fuglies with the same bitch for a long time. You start dressing like them! HoHan and her labia lickin' lady friend went to the unhappiest place on earth yesterday wearing pretty much the same shit. Ray-Bans? CHECK! Lezzie Club shirts? CHECK! Skinny jeans? CHECK!
And yes, I said the "unhappiest" place on earth. Whenever I go to Disneyland, I always think that rainbows are going to fly out of my ass because of how happy being there will make me. The opposite usually happens. I get all angry after paying $6 for a sodie pop and I usually always get into a fight with some stupid bitch who is talking way too loud in line. I'm sorry, but while I'm waiting ten hours for a 10-second ride, I don't want to hear about some whore's life. That's why whispering was invented. Yes, I have major issues. We already know this. Just file this shit in the "MK IS A BITCHY BITTER HOMO" folder and then go make me a hot chocolate.
Here's more of the hipster scissor sisters acting all gayelley at Disneyland. It's funny that SamRo is wearing a Jack Skeletor hat, because they have the same body.
I always knew the radio show Loveline was like a bit cup of truth serum! Dr. Drew always makes bitches cum clean. Although, he wasn't there when SamRo called in, but that doesn't matter! He was there in spirit!
SamRo called into the show to talk to Stryker about the Travis Barker and DJ AM plane crash. They chat for a while and then SamRo's hands the phone over to her partner in pussy HoHan.
They talk for a bit and then Stryker asks her: "Now, you and Samantha have been going out for how long now? Two years? One year? Five months? Two months?" HoHan kind of laughs and then says: "A very long time." Stryker tells her that they make a lovely couple and HoHan thanks him.
Slap me twice with a strap-on and feed me a dental dam! I am SHOCKED! I thought they were just girlfriends who went shopping and talked about boys together? You mean to tell me that they are giving each other moustaches and squirting in each other's faces?! You know SamRo is a squirter. Her facial expressions tell me this.
On a serious note, I kind of like the fact that SamRo and HoHan aren't shouting from the roof top of Home Depot that they are bumping pussies. It is more than obvious that they are lezzzzzzbian loooovers, but at least they aren't announcing it on the cover of a magazine. Right? Oh, what am I saying? They are still attention whores! White Oprah must be crying fake tan tears at the thought of how much money she's losing from her daughter not coming out on the cover of a magazine for millions of dollars!
And I can't wait what Michael Lohan is going to say about this. Expect the words "Jesus," "Hell," "blasphemy," and "degenerates" to be used at least three times each in his statement.
Below is the clip of SamRo and HoHan being lesbionic on the radio. Skip to around the 6:40 mark.
HoHan doesn't need to worry about photographers getting pictures of her flappy honey ham crotch curtains anymore, because SamRo is there to shield their cameras. That's what butch girlfriends are for. And while she's down there, she might as well as tongue flick on HoHan's matchstick.
The back alleyway version of Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon cuddled for the cameras at TV Guide's after-Emmy party in Los Angeles last night. HoHan looks like a New Jersey morning-shift stripper desperately trying to look extra classy for a family wedding, but I can forgive her. She topped the look off with a baby dyke and that is the must-have accessory of the year.
I just wish SamRo would stop making those Guido douche faces! It looks like she's queefing and farting at the same time. It's not hot. She obviously wants to be on Hot Chicks with Douchebags AGAIN!
Is that a bull between SamRo's legs or is she just happy to see us?
The Sun reports that SamRo used her labia lickin' lips to tell a bunch of strangers that she will marry HoHan by the end of the year. While DJing at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles, SamRo apparently announced: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson. Tonight shows the power of a woman – to underestimate that is to underestimate the world.” Pussy power!
HoHan also feels the same way about her punane pal. She talked about their matching tattoos to Marie Claire magazine: "Samantha has a bunch of stars, so I got that. I'm really happy. She's a great person. And she's a great influence on people around her."
HoHan has been doing so well lately. Why eff it all up by getting married? The only acceptable reason for a HoHan/SamRo wedding is so that White Oprah can give a drunken "mother of the bride" speech during the reception.
And if HoHan becomes Lindsay Ronson, what will I fucking call her? HoRon? It's just not the same.
Ray-Ban's favorite gayelles hiked up their ham wallets to sit front row at SamRo's sister's fashion show at Bryant Park yesterday. I'm kind of into SamRo's baby biker butchie look. I don't think I've ever seen a skinny ass biker dyke before. This is some "Skeletor does 'Easy Rider'" shit.
And it's nice to see that HoHan's magnificent chichis have come out to play. They look jollier now that she's lickin' the labia. SamRo must be an expert motoboater.
Here's more of these two vagitarians at the Samantha Ronson show yesterday. In the pictures below, the woman sitting in back of them nearly made my morning. I seriously thought for a second she was the cook from "Clue the Movie."