SamRo

As you know, HoHan was caught on a security camera making herself a little Red Bull and vodka at Lotus in DC. Yeah, color me not fucking surprised. That's kind of ironic since the color of not fucking surprised is an orangy shade of diarrhea. Just like the color of HoHan's skin! On the same tape, SamRo and HoHan were also caught kissing. Again, color me with an orangy shade of diarrhea.

HoHan is probably texting available dick while her tortured lezzie lover is trying to lick the tan grease off her face. She could try and look a little bit interested in SamRo's tongue. When HoHan wrote that MySpace blog about voting and shit, SamRo was probably blowing saliva bubbles into her cooze. You know it's true love when you're comfortable enough to blog while getting your pie tossed.

These pictures also have me thinking about how many fucking security cameras have caught me with my ass in the air doing slut shit. There's probably like a secret underground group of graveyard shift security dudes who get together and watch bitches do effed up shit without knowing they are being taped. So the next time you're thinking of licking your man's peen head in an elevator, think about the horny security dude who may be watching you. I don't know. That may turn your slutty ass on even more.

Below is a video of HoHan sneaking a cocktail and getting kissed on by SamRo while intensely focusing on her texting device.

I don't know why HoHan looks like one of the Siamese Cats from "Lady and the Tramp" in the picture above. Maybe it's from eating too much pussay. Naw. That's not why she has cat face, because she obviously hasn't been nibbling on the punane rod lately. She's been too busy fighting with SamRo! Page Six claims that shit has gotten so dramatic that they started going to therapy together.

A source said, "They fight every day, screaming, crying and yelling at each other. Sam and Lindsay are still very much together and very much in love, but drama just seems to follow Lindsay, and Sam hates it. She deals with Lindsay every day. And every day for Sam means questioning, 'Is this worth it?' "

They don't need a therapist to tell them what the problem is: HoHan wants dick. Plain and simple. That's the problem with having a relationship with a "maybe bi-sexual." Sometimes you can't serve them the meal they want. It never worked out for me. The last bi-bitch I dated liked the snatch as much as he liked the peen. I'm a jealous whore as it is, so when we went out, I had to go off and chicks and dudes! It's double the work. I knew I couldn't hang with that shit when I actually screamed the words, "You wish I had a pussy!" When you start spouting that kind of shit, it's time to call it a fucking day.

SamRo is finding out the hard way.

Here's HoHan, SamRo and SamRo's mommy at the $30 million opening party of the Atlantis resort in Dubai. What recession?

HoHan and SamRo got into a fight in London last night over a big dick named Calum Best. That's what The Sun claims anyway. HoHan used to rub her worn-out kitty all over Calum's Gouda peen and the two met up again at a club. A source said HoHan and Calum danced together which made SamRo one angry lezzie. HoHan and SamRo apparently started fighting which ended in both of them leaving the club.

They got into the car together, but when they arrived back at their hotel, SamRo stormed off in a cloud of saw dust. You know, because lezzies like wood working and stuff. Yeah, the joke doesn't really work if I have to explain it in detail. Just give me an endearing look and continue eating your panini.

HoHan stayed behind in the car for around 10-minutes. One source said, "It was quite clear something was up. Lindsay had tears in her eyes as she left."

Okay, you know shit is bad when you're fighting about Calum Best! The douche isn't even hot when you look at him upside down while jacking it. Almost everyone is hot when your head and genitals are fighting for blood flow. Don't look at me that way!

Here's more of the weepy maybe bi-sexual last night. Wait. Is Calum Best wearing fur?! Where's that crazy French flour bomber when you need her?

A fur-hating crazy bitch dropped a flour bomb all over HoHan in Paris on Friday night (click here for video) and SamRo has come to her lezzie lover's defense. SamRo put on her nut stompin' combat boots, rolled up her flannel shirt and blogged about the whole thing. SamRo loves fur! This is sort of breaking news, because does this mean that HoHan is growing out her busted Sphynx kitty?

Here's some of the shit SamRo wrote. This is the Cliff Notes version, but you can click here to read the whole post:

PETA should focus their efforts on educating people on what they believe are injustices instead of seeking press via harassing those in the limelight. I received an apology too many days late from the PETA folks (the blog removal was too little too late) and today I'm pissed at the bag of flour thrown on Lindsay last night. Not because I got powdered down, but because the girl who threw it acted like an animal herself. I take that back, it's an insult to animals to group her in with them, my dog is FAR more civilized than that person. I would have more respect for them if they didn't use other people to get their point across. Lindsay, Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen, Anna Wintour and the rest of the targeted celebrities aren't the problem, I'm pretty sure they're not the only ones wearing fur, in fact, they should be appreciated by PETA for giving them a target. If it weren't for them, who would get them press????? (MK Note: Peta just spontaneously combusted)

I know I'm probably going to get a lot of angry emails in response, but I don't really care. I got enough last week for no reason so I'm more than happy to ignore the nastiness after seeing what I saw last night. I'm not about to throw on a fur coat in retaliation, but had I had one within reach, I'm not sure I would have walked away from it.

p.s. when was the last time you saw an animal attack one of its own in defense of a human? hmmmmm..... that's one to grow on!

p.s.s. i think there are plenty of families that could have used that flour for a meal. nice job, lady.

You know that night she totally threw a "fur coat" on her tongue! And she loooooved, looooved it!

P.S. - For SamRo's information, my pooch has been known to bite at another dog for giving me the side-eye. Okay, it's never really another dog, but one of his stuffed toys. And they usually don't give me shade, they just lay there and my dog likes to bite at them. But still! That counts.

P.P.S. - It's not like the crazy bitch threw a Duncan Hines cake mix, with 2 cups of water and 2 eggs on HoHan. It was just fucking flour! And now I really want some cake.

Here's HoHan and SamRo doing stuff in Paris. HoHan is missing something in these pictures. Missing a big load of white flour on her head!

HoHan was making her way into the VIP Room in Paris last night when someone busted a huge white load all over her. And it wasn't jizz! It wasn't coke either! It was fucking flour. Yeah, the crap you makes pies with and shit. The flour got all over the dead furry animal laying over HoHan's greasy ass shoulders. The bitch who busted the load shouted, "Lindsay Lohan, fur hag!" Wait. Rewind. I thought the Olsen trolls already took that title?

The HBIC of Peta Europe issued this statement about the whole thing: "There is nothing remotely 'fashionable' about the torture and death of animals killed for fur. Lindsay Lohan might be able to ignore images of bloody animals skinned alive for their pelts, but we hope a dash of flour will help her rise to the occasion and forsake fur once and for all."

HoHan has had worse things explode on her, so I'm sure she really didn't give a fuck. HoHan and SamRo probably thought it was a fucking coke bomb and started snorting that shit up like hungry anteaters.

The gross part of this whole story is that there aren't any pictures of this beautiful flour bukkake moment. BOO! The next time a bitch decides to drop a flour load all over HoHan, they better get pictures, video and run a live feed. I'd even buy tickets to that show.

UPDATE: Click here to see the flour rain all over HoHan. HA! Apparently the owner of the club vacuumed the flour off her ass, so she could go out and pose for the pictures below. It would've been faster if they told her the flour was really booger sugar. She would have cleaned that mess up in 10-seconds flat.

HoHan's Hungry Hungry Hippo vagina is starting to slobber for the dick again and SamRo finds this a problem, because...well...she doesn't have a real peen. The two cooch bumpers have been fighting about HoHan acting slutty with dudes from Las Vegas to London.

A source told The Sun, “Lindsay and Sam had a huge bust up last week at Pure night club in Las Vegas. Lindsay was flirting with a guy and Sam was ballistic. Lindsay says she loves Sam more than anything but she just can't help that she is attracted to the opposite sex. She thinks that they should come to some sort of understanding. Lindsay wants an open relationship where she can explore her heterosexuality without feeling guilty or sneaking around."

This is what I was afraid. Poor SamRo's little gayelle heart can't take having a relationship with a GRADE A SLUT! All mega whores go through this phase. They think they can skip through life with just one dick (or pussy) in their hand, but they can't! HoHan's chocha is chomping at the bit and she can't control it. When she's at a bar and sees a hot dude, her vagina probably takes off like a pit bull after the mailman! Nope, it's not going to end well.

Here's the greedy whore and her pussy breather lady friend in London last night.

So this is how Sue Johanson has been keeping busy ever since she stopped doing "Talk Sex"? She's joined the angry airport lady brigade at LAX! When I retire, I want to join their army. There's no better way to take out years of frustration and anger than pushing and screaming at a mob of paparazzi. The angry airport lady brigade should carry blow horns, tasers and shanks.

Above is a clip of an extremely hot airport lady paving the way for HoHan and her private vag vacuum SamRo. Thanks to the screaming airport lady the not-gayelle and her lady lovah made it to Heathrow safe and sound (below). Let's face the facts, without the angry airport lady, HoHan and SamRo would've died or been trampled by the paps. Angry airport ladies are saving the world!

It's obvious to everyone that HoHan and SamRo are eating each other's fish biscuits. I mean, if you look close enough you can probably spot one of HoHan's ginge pubies in SamRo's teeth. HoHan sort of admitted it to Harper's Bazaar, but wouldn't name names. HoHan said, "I think it's pretty obvious who I'm seeing."

Even though HoHan is currently doing the labia lambada with SamRo, she doesn't consider herself a full-time lezzie. When asked if she was a lezzzzzzzbian, she said, "No." But when asked if she was bi (wanna try?) she said, "Maybe. Yeah."

Who needs labels anyway?! Sometimes you feel like an Oreo cookie, sometimes you feel like a Vanilla Wafer and most of the time you feel like a Mother's Circus Animal Cookie. That analogy makes no fucking sense (what's new?), but I have Mother's cookies on the brains in a bad way. Seriously, I think I ate like 4 bags this weekend and I only have 4 bags left. I hope the world ends soon, because I don't know what I'm going to do when I eat my last bag.....

VIA Page Six

Michael Lohan should just change his name to STFU, because that's the first thing I think of whenever I see his name. Over the weekend, at some party in NYC, Michael told New York Magazine that he needs to start keeping his family shit private. Yeah, this turtle-necked motherfucker is talking to the media about how he shouldn't talk to the media. The hell?

Specifically, Michael is sowwy for calling SamRo meanie mean names. He said (pinch your nose, because his words smell like caca), "I definitely regret all the things I said about Samantha. I'm a Christian. I should not pass judgment on anyone. In the past, I felt that the best way to get to her was to speak out publicly. And it was the wrong choice. Family matters should be kept private. I've learned that now."

Michael suffers from a rare condition called Chronic Mouth Diarrhea. I also suffer from this, but there's no cure for me. However, there is a cure for Michael. You see that hideous cell phone holder on his waist that's burning my eyes? In order to fix his problem, Michael just has to take that thing and shove it all the way down his throat. It would shut him up and it would also make that fugly ass cell holder disappear. Two birds!

VIA UsWeekly

HoHan hasn't completely lost the craving for delectable dick. In fact, she's telling friends that SamRo is the only coochie she's interested in bumping it with. When their relationship goes the way of HoHan's career, she's going right back to dudes.

One friend tells Full Disclosure, “She has been telling everyone over and over that she’s still into guys. She keeps saying if anything went wrong with Sam she would date a guy next. She even flirts with guys when they go out.”

The friend also said that in an upcoming magazine interview, HoHan's going to proclaim she's strictly dickly and not a gayelle. Just call her Celestia.

You know, who needs labels? HoHan isn't a lezzie, she isn't straight, she's not bi, she's just a fucking slut! The same can be said for a lot of us. I mean, if Rojo Caliente rolled up in her Dodge pick-up and asked me to be hers, I would put on my coochie-eatin' flannel, dab a little tuna juice on my no-no hole and scream, "Home Depot! Here we come!"