Prince Hot Ginge
This whole Prince Hot Ginge getting naked in Las Vegas story has been stretched the hell out, so we might as well just keep stretching it like it's a piece of foreskin made of rubber.
One of the penny slot skanks who was partying up in PHG's suite at the Wynn sold her story to The Mirror and says that he picked her out of a group of sluts to touch tongues with him for almost 20 minutes. I know, that sounds like the real way Cinderella met her Prince Charming.
32-year-old Carrie Reichert who was born in Britain but lives in San Diego tells The Mirror that she first spotted PHG earlier in the night at the Wynn's pool area. Carrie knew exactly who he was, but some of the dumb trash tramps around her didn't. Then later on in the night, Carrie was partying at one of the bars when she was handpicked along with 9 other tricks to party with PHG up in his penthouse suite. When Carrie got up there, she found a fully naked and drunk PHG in a room full of naked slut bags. According to Carrie, it wasn't some huge ginger Caligula orgy. It was just some regular G-rated naked fun. Carrie said that PHG kept passing out naked hugs (cut to me passing out onto the floor from imagining getting a naked hug from PHG) and at one point he pressed his soft ginger stick against a glass window and shouted, “Look at me Vegas, these are the royal jewels!"
In possibly related news, at around the same time PHG pressed his royal jewels against the window, several people called into 911 to report that they witnessed two fireballs shoot out of the Wynn and illuminate the night sky.
When Carrie noticed that PHG was by himself for a second, she went in:
“I introduced myself, and right away knew he was completely wasted, very intoxicated. I had to let him know I knew who he was, and that I was born in England and right away he was like ‘Oh my Gosh, that’s amazing! I can’t believe you’re here in Vegas, we could be related’.
And I was like ‘Ah! He likes me!’ He was happy-go-lucky, yeah, just going with the flow. He gave me a huge hug and I introduced myself, and yeah, the party’s going. We both walked back together, and he grabbed my hand and walked back toward his bedroom. I found my way back there with him. We were talking and we had found some similarities and some interests him and I had together. And I was interested of course.
He said that he liked my eyes and was just going on and on about the military. He didn’t make too much sense. There was not very much talking at that time, his clothes were off. I had a bikini on. A string bikini. I had a party dress over that, and that came off. And I just had a bikini. We kissed for 15 to 20 minutes. I am sure somebody stumbled in as there were people going in and out of rooms all the time. We kissed again and he said ‘That was great’. He told me I was beautiful and gorgeous, which was sweet. Then we kind of nonchalantly returned to the party and kept drinking.”
When they got back to the party, a bunch of skanks were passed out on the sofa, so Carrie went back to her room and that was that.
I can't with the dumbasses who got coked up at that party and didn't keep their heads as clear as possible to fully take in all of the ginger hotness. I can't with the paid hooker whore who didn't find a way to drag PHG to the nearest chapel to have a quickie royal wedding with him. And I really can't with this Carrie trick. There she was alone with a naked PHG and all she did was make out with his tongue?! They'd have to bring in the British Army, Scotland Yard, every bobby in London town and several priests to try pry me off of his naked ass. They wouldn't be able to do it. The Queen herself could beat me in the back with her pocketbook and I still wouldn't move. We'd immediately be conjoined (at the crotch) twins and I don't think even surgery would pull us apart. But yet, this Carrie trick kisses him for a few minutes and then just flutters away?
Why is Carrie talking to The Mirror, anyway? Hell, why is Carrie talking at all? Bitch should've had her tongue shellacked to preserve the PHG saliva drops. This bitch is a disgrace to two nations!
We already know that Prince Hot Ginge's naked party in his VIP suite at the Wynn in Las Vegas had appearances by his red pepper nipples, lines of coke, hos high on shrooms and weed, and now some source tells Radar that there were also pussy peddlers and drug dealers in the room. So basically, PHG's party was like every other party in Las Vegas. In Las Vegas, the only way to snort a line of the bad shit is to snort it off of a leased twat.
The source says that on the night PHG was partying hard, he got a text from his coke dealing friend who was in the suite. The coke dealer pretty much live-texted the party to the source who had this to say about that night:
"My friend won't give up any of the details about what happened in that hotel suite, including whether or not Harry was doing coke, but he was definitely there. Things got pretty crazy in Prince Harry's suite that night. Everyone was drinking and drugs were also being used by some people. One of the women partying in Harry's suite has been known to prostitute and accept money and gifts for sexual favors."
Can we just get the inevitable out the way and say that the afternoon after the party, PHG woke up in a puddle of monkey piss to find a dead hooker in the bathtub, a family of goats in the closet and a baby in his duffel bag. We've pretty much seen this movie!
And I CAN'T with that hooker. In front of her was a drunk Prince Hot Ginge, a whole lot of drugs and his handlers were too busy getting lap dances from one cent skanks to do the job they were paid to do. Why didn't that pussy peddler drug PHG, sneak him out of the hotel and drag him to the nearest chapel to marry his ass and become an instant princess?! Shaking my head at that hooker. It's truly a sad day when a whore drops the ball.
I know most of us figured that the strongest shit that was served at Prince Hot Ginge's nipples out party was caffeinated Earl Grey tea and cranberry scones, but a source tells Radar this isn't so. If you've got a string of anal beads up there, try to hold them tight, because every shocking revelation will make it fall out all the way. A source says that everyone was drinking (FIRST BEAD OUT!), some skanks were doing lines of coke (SECOND BEAD OUT!), some got high on weed (THIRD BEAD OUT!) and some guests even showed up tripping out on shrooms (ALL BEADS OUT!)
The source didn't say whether or not PHG filled his ginger nose hole with a line of Charlie Sheen dust, but they did say that the scene was straight out of a Lohan family reunion:
"Things got pretty crazy in Prince Harry's suite that night. Everyone was drinking and drugs were also being used by some people. Some people were snorting cocaine. Some were already rolling on shrooms (hallucinogenic mushrooms) when they arrived at the party, and some were just high on weed. And that's exactly why no one there has come forward on the record…they don't want to be implicated for any illegal activities."
I haven't judged one trick during this entire non-scandal, but I fully judge the dim scrag bitches who chemically took their minds higher in the presence of a naked PHG. There is a time and a place to get jacked up in the brains and that wasn't it If you want get drunk on your first day of catechism class, that makes sense. If you want to get high on coke for your very first real job interview, that makes sense too. But twisting your brains at a party starring a fully naked PHG makes zero sense. You should be lucid enough to fully suck in all that naked ginger hotness so you don't think that it's a figment of your buzz. It's like being drunk in church. Okay, bad example, because you should always be drunk when you're in church.
If I was there, the only refreshment I'd need is a pair of ginger tea bags and that's it.
Behind me, there's a shelf full of bottles of jalapeño lube waiting to be used, because we were all promised a gold treasure chest full of more pictures of Prince Hot Ginge proudly representing the royal family in Las Vegas and so far we've gotten absolutely nothing. So take this next story with a grain of salt and then take another grain of salt and sprinkle it on your throbbing fuck parts so they can calm the hell down until further notice. I'm sitting on an entire salt lick, which is why my neighbors keep complaining to the super about the rank stench of dehydrated snails coming from under my apartment door.
Radar is hearing that some trick is thinking of selling a video they have of PHG hitting billiard balls with his crotch cue stick in his VIP suite at the Wynn that night. The seller is quietly whispering into the ears of media hos who might be interested in buying it, because they want to see how much it's worth. Radar's source said this about the supposed video:
“There is video of Harry partying naked with women in the Las Vegas hotel room. There have been some very quiet inquiries to see how much the video is worth. If the video goes public this could be the biggest Royal scandal ever. The video has not been shopped around yet, its existence is being kept as discreet as possible. With all the attention the photos got, the people with the video know it could be worth a fortune.”
Any trick with a video of PHG knighting the air by doing the dick slappy dance should either solve world peace by releasing it immediately (the world would put down their guns and pick up their peens) or keep it to themselves and shut up. If The Queen knows that a video (possible titles: The Prince and the HoGirls, Dirty Harry, Cockwork Orange, Gingermoon in Vegas, Harry is Here To Help You Fap, etc...) exists, she'll send MI6 to the US to handle a bitch and then the aliens will never know that true ecstasy existed on earth, because they'll never find the video after the apocalypse.
And in the meantime, at least we have the Naked Salute 4 Prince Harry Facebook page. Leave it to PHG's ginger goods to unite entire nations in nekkidness.
Above is a video from The Royal YouTube Channel (via Hollywood Life) of Prince Hot Ginge showing off his flawless teleprompter-reading skills while giving us a message about a very important event that I didn't really pay attention to because I was too busy imagining him pant-less and cupping his flaming torch and ginger balls during this entire PSA. For once, I didn't tap my tongue before tapping my nipples to PHG in motion, because I'm saving that for when more priceless of his bare ass cheeks leak all over the Internet.
A high-powered publicist type from the UK named Max Clifford tells UsWeekly that loins must be girded immediately, because the world could see many more pictures of PHG partying with his skin scepter out in Las Vegas. Two American tricks contacted Max to try to sell him more pictures and stories from that night. Since Max doesn't want to get a burn mark on his cheek from The Queen throwing a side-eye at him, he turned the girls down, but those shameless, money-loving whores will eventually sell them to somebody else. (Translation: Call me. I'll trade you those pictures for one autographed Shauna Sand lucite heel I got from eBay and a half-used bottle of Phoebe's Fantasy. Package value - PRICELESS!)
In other PHG news, The Queen is slathering her face shortening and putting all her chunkiest ring on, because she's going to knight the bitches at The Sun right in the face with her fists for going against her orders by putting her grandson's naked ginger body on the cover this morning.
The moral of this story is that the next time PHG has the urge to get asshole-out naked in front of a trashy, American slut with the morals of a used butt plug, he should find me on Skype. I'd never sell him out....unless I needed the money to get a peen skin graft from excessive fapping.
Apparently, Clarence House threatened to punish any British publication that publishes the pictures that have been called the greatest work of modern art since the hologram cover for Prince's Diamonds and Pearls CD (that shit really blew my mind as a kid), and that punishment includes feeling their brain cells slip out of their ear holes while suffering death by boredom from having tea with Prince William and Duchess Kate. So some bitches had to get creative and The Sun handled it by recreating the pictures using a Prince Hot Ginge lookalike who looks nothing like PHG. My asshole looks more like PHG than this shit poor excuse for a look-alike does. Okay, that's not really true, because if my b-hole looked more like PHG than this impostor, I wouldn't be writing this post right now. I'd be in yoga class, trying to stretch my head all the way to my PHG-looking no-no hole to whisper sweet nothings into it.
I'm happy that Bud Bundy is actually getting work as a PHG stand-in, but this is just lazy! Okay, I know The Sun is trying to be smart by getting one of their reporters named Harry to do the "cupping the crown jewels" pose, but they could've at least glued some saffron to dude's chest so it looks like he has a field of red chest hairs. Seriously, The Sun should be the ones getting punished, not PHG.
UsWeekly says that PHG is back in England and he and his royal guards are facing the wrath of THE QUEEN. But some palace aide says that nobody will be sent to the Halifax Gibbet:
"Of course questions will be asked, and matters raised, but no one's job is on the line. As protection officers, their job is to intervene when his life is at risk, not to protect his image."
The Queen didn't give three shits about the Olympics, so I'm hoping she wont' give three shits about this. I bet that once PHG waltzes into her throne room, she'll excuse everybody from the room by ordering them to immediately bleach her Corgis b-holes, then she'll make a lot of noise like she's beating the foolery out of him. But she'll actually pat him on the back and then ask him how many of those skanks did he knight with his royal crotch scepter? That's exactly how it's going to go down.
If you're a member of the British royal family and The Queen doesn't beat you with a pocketbook full of bricks for going pants-off wild in Las Vegas, then you really didn't go for enough. So Prince Hot Ginge should give himself a pat on the taint (and he should do it naked.... in his VIP suite at the Wynn... in front of a bunch of sluts with iPhones who will sell the pictures to TMZ) for a job well done, because apparently the royal family isn't happy that he has dirtied up their pristine, proper image with his filthy hot ginger nipples. (Note: Will somebody please tell the royal family that their pristine image was already smeared with a Prince Charles-faced tampon.)
One source tells UsWeekly that Prince William is "not impressed" (read: jealous, because nobody wants to see his shit), and not only is PHG in trouble, but so are his royal guards for not throwing themselves on his naked body when somebody pulled an iPhone out. The Guardian says that Clarence House confirmed that the pictures are of PHG. (Note: That sound is me sighing with relief, because it's been confirmed that I did NOT twist my nipples last night to pictures I thought were of PHG, but were actually grainy pictures of a shaved ginger alley cat humping a Chinese Crested dog in a motel conference room.) The Guardian also says that Clarence House told the British media to respect PHG's privacy by not republishing the pictures. If a British publication publishes any of the pictures, Clarence House might report them to the Press Complaints Commission. As of this morning, the BBC, The Sun and The Daily Mail all wrote about the story, but kept the pictures off of their sites.
Let's set aside all the jokes about how I nearly had to call Sun Jifa with my nose after almost fapping my hands off to those PHG pictures last night. This is a serious matter! PHG should be punished, because he has a duty to represent the British royal family with class, dignity and grace. I've done my research and the official scroll of British royal rules, or whatever, clearly states: Any member of the immediate British royal family (besides Prince Charles, Camilla, The Queen, Prince William, Duchess Kate and anybody else other than Prince Hot Ginge) who gets caught with all of his panties off must immediately be taken to the town square, disrobed and flogged twelve times with a union jack dildo. Those are the rules, so bring on the flagellation! If you read that as "bring on the fagellation," that works too!
Every now and again I ask myself if there's a God, because every night I pray for God to make vodka come out of my bathroom faucet and to bless the Internet and my soul with naked pictures of Prince Hot Ginge. God has never made my wishes come true until now, sort of. Who knew that God would use TMZ to show me that he exists. I never thought I'd type this, but thank God for TMZ, thank God for Las Vegas, thank God for the
MGM Grand Wynn, thank God for camera phones, thank God for booze, thank God for bad decision making and thank God for down river trash skanks who are shameless enough to sell almost naked pictures of The Queen's grandson to the highest bidder. Thank God for all of that!
For Prince Hot Ginge, what happens in Vegas, ends up in the fap material folder on my desktop. PHG is taking the drunken foolery to whole new levels in Vegas and on Friday night, he and his friends went to the casino at the
MGM Grand Wynn, picked up some tricks and brought them back up to his suite to play a game of naked billiards that ended up with some dry butt fucking. Oh, I forget to thank God for billiard tables and for cue sticks.
The pictures are really blurry and it could be Samantha Ronson with a ginger dye job for all I know, but I'm going to choose to believe. Plus, I'm really easy. If you sent me pictures of a dirty orange Croc lying on the sidewalk and wrote "IT'S PRINCE HARRY NAKED!!!!" as your subject, I'd find a way to fap to that.
And somewhere in Buckingham Palace, The Queen has summoned Prince William to tell him that he's no longer second in line for the throne. Then she'll bring up these pictures on her bedazzled iPhone and say that THIS is the future of the monarchy!
The New York Daily News answered the question "Why do video cell phones exist?" by posting a video of a Prince of Wales and a Prince of Derp drunkenly racing in the pool at XS in Las Vegas on Monday morning. While a bunch of bikini-wearing skanks (served with a frosty glass of jealousy) wondered if they died of a ginger overdose and went to the great big pool in heaven, Prince Hot Ginge, still wearing his jeans, and a fully clothed Ryan Lochte breaststroked to the end. (Why oh why didn't one of those bikini-wearing skanks take advantage of Ryan's brain by saying they want to see him do the other breast stroke with PHG. Meaning they want Ryan to stroke PHG's breasts until one of them finishes. He would've fell for it!)
Ryan got to the edge of the pool first and celebrated by hugging PHG as I screamed all the way from New York, "Please tell me your peens are kissing under that water!" Ryan not only won the race, but he also won again when he peed all over PHG's jeans in the pool. How do you say "JEAH!" with a British accent?
But Where Oh Where Are The Pictures Of Prince Hot Ginge's Nipples? (UPDATE: Picture Proof That PHG Was There!)
Here's JLo giving Casper Smart the silent treatment just minutes after he got kicked out of the pool for making a poopy in the shallow end. How was Casper supposed to know that sometimes a fart brings a friend? They didn't teach him that in potty training class! JLo so should've left Casper in her hotel suite with her other kids, but she didn't want him crawling away to the nearest gay glory hole.
Never mind that JLo is at a pool party at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and is wearing the most clothes I've ever seen her wear, the real story here is that apparently Prince Hot Ginge was at this party and I couldn't find one picture of his Red Hot nipples melting under the sun.
E! News says that the Bellagio fountain squirted higher than usual yesterday, because royal panty cream-inducer Prince Hot Ginge was in Las Vegas and partied at that pool party JLo hosted. Some source who was there had this to say:
"It was his first Vegas pool party. He was with a group of around six to seven friends and just wanted to have fun with the boys. He was in town to take a break and have fun. He was letting loose, and swimming and dancing to the music. It was great to see him acting like any normal guy. Harry and his friends even had a blow up whale in their area, they were just fooling around and joking and having some drinks and just enjoying themselves."
Okay, whores will whip out their phones to take multiple pictures of their stupid food and they'll post that shit to Twitter like people care, and yet I can't find one picture of PHG making the pool water boil by sticking his toes in there? What is wrong with people?! If a topless PHG is in front of you and you do not have a recording device to capture that important moment in history, you grab a napkin, prick your finger and draw that image in BLOOD! Or maybe PHG isn't in Las Vegas. Maybe it was really Carrot Top with his hair pulled back into a bun, because I confuse the two all the time.
The only way we'll know if PHG is really in Las Vegas is if all the lights dim tonight to honor the ultimate dome of luminous light on his head.
UPDATE: YAAAAASSSS! Thanks to KHx for dropping the tingles on me by sending in a picture of PHG partying in Vegas on Saturday. No, my eyes aren't burning from getting poked by his nipples, but he is showing his royal pits and doing the douche pose, so I'll take what I can get.
You know, I CAN'T with PHG's friend. If PHG is sitting on your shoulders, you pray to be possessed by a demon so that your head can do the Exorcist head twist right into his crotch. Or you pray to the gods above to give you a mouth on the back of your neck.
UPDATE #2: If you need me, I'll be sitting at The Sun all day, because they have PHG nipple pictures complete with his five-lane happy trail. Today is also the day that I'm actually jealous of a giant beach ball, a giant beach ball that is probably knocked up with little ginger ball babies now.