Prince Hot Ginge
Bent over and sucking on the tip as the dude on the left makes an "err, didn't know I was into ginges or dudes but my sudden boner tells me otherwise" and the dude in the back makes the same mega excited face I'm making... There's really nothing to say, because this picture is worth a million faps. Besides, I need to use my other hand to create my Prince Hot Ginge Sucking On Things Tumblr.
via Daily Mail (Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)
Almost every time this was sent to me, I watched it and every time I watched it I really thought Prince Hot Ginge was running after an ice cream van. I BELIEVED! I showed it to a friend who bluntly killed my dreams and let me know that I'm a stupid bitch with a Popsicle stick splinter for a brain. Point taken down to the nuts. But why wouldn't there be an ice cream van in Afghanistan? Just look at how PHG's ears perk up at the sound of the ice cream van jingle. You can practically see him fantasizing about nibbling the nuts off of a vanilla Big Dipper. Clearly, I've thought about this and hand wrote an entire entry about it in my PHG dream journal.
If you click to the 0:34 mark in the video below, you'll see that PHG wasn't running toward the ice cream van, he was running because duty called! But if it was an ice cream van, I'm sure he'd still run after it. Now if you'll excuse me, after seeing PHG lick his lips a million times, I have to retire to my bunk. But before I do that, I'm going to trade brains with a half-melted Pink Panther ice pop.
1. After four long months in Afghanistan of sleeping in a room full of sweaty, half-naked hot pieces and making the scorpions in the desert wish they could fap to the image of him in uniform, Prince Hot Ginge is finally going back home to Britain. The media can stop talking about Duchess Kate's royal fetus and start talking about PHG's royal jewels instead. Everybody whip your phones out, because PHG will get drunk, he will take all of his panties off and we must get a picture of his royal ginger scepter and globes this time. Don't fuck it up.
2. The Daily Mail published a really long interview with PHG where he talks about fighting on the front lines and dropping off his laundry.
3. Because PHG is on his way home, a bunch of pictures of him in Afghanistan were released today. This picture of PHG giving a handy to an invisible dick while cleaning under his peen hood is taking me places. But the picture of PHG in yarn pigtails is a beautiful gift. Pet store owners are removing the basket of kittens from their front window and replacing it with a basket full of this picture. It's that precious.
Duchess Kate officially has a royal case of the babies and she's laid up in the hospital, because she can't stop barfing. The Palace announced the news today:
Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are very pleased to announce that The Duchess of Cambridge is expecting a baby. The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall and Prince Harry and members of both families are delighted with the news. The Duchess was admitted this afternoon to King Edward VII Hospital in Central London with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. As the pregnancy is in its very early stages, Her Royal Highness is expected to stay in hospital for several days and will require a period of rest thereafter.
December 3, 2012 is the day where I felt jealousy toward a fetus, because it will get its first vodka shot from Prince Hot Ginge at Christmas dinner in a few years and it gets to sit on PHG's lap whenever it wants. And I really hope Prince William and Kate name their kid "Morrissey."
Tatler Magazine has something they do called Man of the Year, but my guess is they made that mess up this issue just so they could give to Prince Hot Ginge and just so they could use this precious picture of him wearing a Prince Charming costume from the Disney store and a beret from Troop Beverly Hills. My only complaints are that Tatler didn't also put this cover out in bottom bed sheet form for my mattress and that they didn't use a piece of toilet paper to wipe up the shit-covered skid mark of skank words next to PHG's face. But don't let a Karkrashian stop you from fapping. It's kind of like when you're getting it good with a hot piece, but his breath smells like curdled goat milk and dog farts, so you just focus on his hotness and block out the stankness. It's just like that.
Oh look, that hot bitch of Borneo is making the same face most of us made when looking at Duchess Kate's nipples. It's one of those "And? Can she shoot diamonds out of her nipples, because I am failing to see why tricks are freaking out over this?" looks. That hot bitch of Borneo has its tits out every day and nobody's freaking out over them or splattering them on the cover of Closer Magazine. But they totally should...
Believe it or not, Duchess Kate and her sun-thirsty nipples haven't been banished to gallows for shaming the royal family. Kate and Prince William kept their Tour of Asia going and today they visited a rainforest in Sabah, Borneo. (I know, I didn't know there was a Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse ride in Borneo!) During their visit, William and Kate were hoisted up some tree and my guess is that they were training for the day when they scale down the walls of the base where PHG is staying at to get his ass out of there. Because the Taliban killed two US marines today while trying to get at PHG. In other words: Harry, you in danger, ginge.
I know, here we were all thinking that the British royals aren't allowed to ever take their clothes off and always wear nipple-to-ankle underwear with cut-out crotch holes for peein' and matin' and that's it, but nope. Seeing Prince Hot Ginge's glorious undercooked pancake ass cheeks, Prince Philip's censored Loch Ness crotch monster and Prince William's NSFW peen busby taught us that the British royals can get nekkid. And now it's Duchess Kate's turn to join the club.
While Duchess Kate sunbathed with her nipples out on a private estate in France, some pap hung upside down from a tree 200 yards away, stuck his 50 foot lens on a potato camera and took blurry pictures of her half-nakedness. Since the British media will be flogged 25 times in the mouth with The Queen's pocketbook if they expose the royal nipples, they declined buying the pics from the pap, so the pap sold them to the French tabloid Closer. The British royal family is disgusted this morning and not because they just watched Camilla slurp cooked oatmeal out of her feedbag while Prince Charles polished her toes with his tongue (a trick he learned from Fergie). They're disgusted because Duchess Kate's privacy was invaded and the BBC says they're considering throwing a lawsuit at the pap and Closer. Closer's editor defended publishing the exclusivité pictures by saying this:
"These photos are not in the least shocking. They show a young woman sunbathing topless, like the millions of women you see on beaches. What we saw in the pictures was a young couple that have just got married, who are in love, who are beautiful. She's a princess of the 21st Century. They [the couple] are on the terrace of a mansion in the south of France which is not far from a road along which cars pass without any problem. They are visible from the street."
Egotastic has a lot of the pictures and there's really nothing scandalous about them. Yes, Duchess Kate has nipples, but you can barely tell that they're nipples. If you told me Duchess Kate and Prince William were playing a strange British royal game where they have to balance extra large Hershey Kisses on their chests and she's in the lead, I'd believe you. And don't think we're going to see THE QUEEN'S nips anytime soon. Right after these pictures went public, QEII called Kate up and said, "Dumb trollop, this is why I always wear union jack pasties. I'll send you a pair."
And here's Prince Willy and Duchess Kate at a mosque in Malaysia this morning. The woman throwing a "BEHOLD! The royal nipples!" look is giving me life.
After burying her beloved Corgi Monty, this is the last thing The Queen needs today. It's the last thing any of us need. Those stuntin' minions from deep within the musty asshole of Hell are using Prince Hot Ginge's name for some shameless publicity. A rep for the Taliban (yes, they have a rep and no, they don't share one with the Kardashians...I think) announced today that now that they know PHG is stationed at Camp Bastion at Helmond, they're coming for his crystallized ginger ass cheeks. Monday is already gross and now it's gotten a lot grosser, because I'm actually copying + pasting a statement from the damn Taliban (via The Daily Beast):
"Prince Harry came to Afghanistan and he is a high value target for us. We will try to arrest him. Because he is an Apache helicopter pilot, he will target us more. If we are not able to arrest him we will target him."
The Taliban also said that they think sending PHG to Afghanistan is just a propaganda stunt to take the attention away from his naked Las Vegas antics. Yes, they actually said that. Then they kiki'd about Kristen Stewart looking like a haggard skank at TIFF and flipped through Chanel's lookbook to guess which dress Blake Lively wore to her wedding. Those bitches. If they ever get close to PHG, he'll just drop his panties and that will make them drop their guns and pick up their iPhones to take pictures of his royal ginger scepter. And you know, they'll sell those pictures to TMZ too.
Those bitches better watch out, because Prince Hot Ginge WILL gladly fuck all 72 of their virgins and then some.
Sluts with camera phones in Afghanistan, it's your lucky month (or four), because Prince Hot Ginge is there on official duty until December. Britain's Ministry of Defense released several pictures today of PHG posing in camo with his group commander next to an Apache helicopter in Afghanistan this morning. I'd like to think that as punishment for getting caught with his panties down in Las Vegas, The Queen told him he could either go to Afghanistan for four months or clean out Camilla's stall daily for the next few weeks, but that's not what happened. The BBC says this was planned long before the naked foolery in Vegas went down and the British media was asked to keep their lips shut until the Ministry of Defense said it was okay to open their mouths.
All of the information about PHG's return to Afghanistan was released to the media, because the Ministry of Defense doesn't think he's in any major danger. But just in case, I'm willing to fly to Afghanistan on Southwest and protect PHG by throwing my body on his. I only have a few rules: I won't protect him during combat war time and I won't get in that helicopter, because this one time I played a helicopter arcade game at Dave & Busters and I almost puked. What I'm saying is that I'll only throw my body on PHG's body when he's lying on the bottom bunk in his housing unit. Hey, you never know, Ceiling Cat could be a sniper for the Taliban and could be hiding in PHG's housing unit, so you can never be too safe.
The Ministry of Defense said that Captain Wales (his official army name) will co-pilot an Apache attack helicopter and his squadron will take part in combat missions against the Taliban. So this shit is serious!
But I'm hoping that when the Taliban sees PHG, they'll put down all their weapons, tell him that they didn't recognize him with his clothes and then they'll all do shots before playing a game of naked billiards. The war will really be over and we'll have PHG's pasty white ass cheeks to thank for that. The end!
PHG: "Smell my finger."
Tiny boy: "I know where it's been and no thank you."
When 6-year-old Alex Logan (above with PHG) met Prince Hot Ginge at the WellChild Awards in London yesterday afternoon, he wondered what we'd all wonder if we ever met his ginger hotness outside of a Las Vegas hotel suite: Why isn't he so drunk that he's sweating out vodka drops? Why aren't there paid whores doing lines of coke around him? Why are his spicy peanut nipples covered?
Before meeting PHG, little Alex Logan told ITV News that he was going to speak for NONE OF US by saying: "I’m glad you’ve got your clothes on Prince Harry." But since Alex has a little Dennis the Menace thing going on, PHG knew he was going to get hit with some mischief and before the boy let out that joke, he said this: "You keep looking up at your mum. It looks like you’re dying to say something but you’re worried she’ll tell you off. I heard you were on ITV earlier and you said something cheeky – but let’s not talk about that here."
That was a cold move, ruining a sick child's joke like that! I think that's almost worse than PHG covering up his Flaming Hot Cheeto Puff while some immoral slut took grainy pictures of his naked ass in that Vegas hotel suite. PHG can make it up to all of us by putting his ginger crotch jewels on display for the public at the Tower of London. They don't even have to change the exhibit's title: The World Famous Crown Jewels of England!