Gross

56-year-old Shirley Rae Dieu of Irvine, CA went to Dr. Phil for therapy (mistake number one), but says she left his office more fucked up than when she got there. Yesterday, Shirley filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles claiming that during her therapy session with Dr. Phil in 2007, he molested her left booby, forced her to stare at a live nekkid man and refused to let her leave his Hollywood office. Basically, it sounds like a nightmare directed by David Lynch.

In the documents, Shirley says Dr. Phil brainwashed her by making her watch "tapings depicting her as a different personality other than her own." And about that nekkid dude thing, Shirley says Dr. Phil "forced her to be in the same room with a completely live naked man while he exposed his entire naked body, genitals and all."

Dr. Phil kept her captive in his office, and when she tried to get out of there, his staff stopped her. They also refused to let her sleep or eat. Shirley tells People that another woman is going to join her lawsuit. Shirley is asking for cash money, but the specific amount is not known yet.

Shirley is no stranger to suing a bitch. In 2002, she sued a hospital for malpractice. Two years ago, she also sued a car dealership. According to People, Shirley is acting as her own attorney.

Look at that face. If that face was looking at you while his hand was on your booby, you'd never recover. You would develop instant-cataracts, foam at the mouth uncontrollably and probably live under your backyard deck. I wouldn't be able to talk, let alone file a lawsuit. However, this is Dr. Phil she's talking about, and he's the skeeziest skeeze who ever skeezed, so let's believe it.

And what the fuck with the live (as opposed to dead) nekkid man thing? If that's what Dr. Phil considers therapy, make me a damn appointment.

Since Jon Grosselin doesn't have a regular paying gig anymore, he's hitting the ho stroll harder than. Jon's first stop on the journey to relevancy was Millions of Famewhores in Los Angeles where he made a signature milkshake. The words "Jon Gosslin milkshake" should never ever be allowed to stand next to each other. Millions of Milkshakes should get an F from the health department just for having that shit on the menu.

I'm guessing a Grosselin shake consists of: Ed Hardy's European beer, foam from the mouth of Kate's rabid possum head, three dry hairs from Hailey Glassman's meth brows, Michael Lohan's enema water, Jon's undertitty jam, a dozen rotten walnuts, a cup of lukewarm lard, and the tears of ten TLC executives.

After just three months of marriage, Fred Durst and his wife Esther Nazarov have gone their separate ways. Fred went off to bang anything who doesn't mind him gnarling like a bear eating a rabbit's head (if you've seen his sex tape, you know what I'm talking about) and Esther went off to submit her application to the gayelle club.

Fred announced the tragic news on his Twatter:

"For those of you inquiring I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our separate ways and we both thank you for your support. Thank you all SO much for your concern and extremely kind words. Sincerely. We remain very positive and wish only the best for each other."

I will say that the marriage lasted a lot longer than my ass predicated. My guess is that the bad shit haze finally wore off and Esther realized she was married to a dude who used to suck on Parasite Hilton's septic tank.

And since we're here, (NSFW) click on this to see Fred's limp bizkit. I doubt it's usually like that. Dude must have just stuck it in the vacuum to stretch it out for the cameras.

VIA UsWeekly

The human (that's debatable) version of a Hot Topic bobble head, Marilyn Manson, will have to spend a few days resting in his coffin because he says he has the swine flu. Yeah, better late than never, I guess.

Marilyn said, "So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have in no way contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.”

I would never suggest that Marilyn got it by boning a pig. However, I would suggest that he got it from doing massive amounts of oral with chocolate covered bacon, chicharrónes, Honey Baked ham and pig pie.

VIA Prefix Magazine

If we got a $1 for every time we heard about Jon Grosselin rubbing his fat man balloons all over some homely young thing, we'd have enough money to buy out Ed Hardy and burn it to the ground. The latest buthereverything to come forward is former Gosselin nanny Stephanie Santoro. 23-year-old Stephanie tells InTouch (via Popeater) about the night her dignity quit her ass and hitchhiked out of town.

Stephanie said that Jon came on to her first when he asked her to give him a massage. Jon probably got the idea when he saw Stephanie roll the dick out of a piece of dough. If you can knead a mound of butter and flour, you can handle Jon's body. Stephanie said that the massage led to them kissing, which led to them in the hot tub, which led to you dry heaving in a Styrofoam cup inside your cubicle.

When the two were in the hot tub, Stephanie kept looking at the windows to make sure a member of the child army wasn't witnessing two pigs go at it in a pot of boiling water. If they did, they would probably whine about how hongray they were for pork rinds and the nanny just couldn't be bothered with that.

When the kiddies went to sleep, Stephanie and Jon went up to the apartment over the garage where she did things that NOBODY should ever do (aka fuck Jon Grosselin).

After their first act of grossness, Jon kept texting Stephanie to tell her how much he cared about her. Their affair continued and Stephanie said they bumped titties at least nine more times at the Gosselin compound. Stephanie said the sex wasn't bad, "but it wasn't the best I ever had."

The sex wasn't bad?! Stephanie needs to have more sex. I'm pretty sure sexing up a rusty wrought iron fence would be hotter. Both will give you Botulism in the vagina, but at least the rusty fence won't constantly send you sappy text messages afterwards.

And not only did Stephanie turn her vagina into a permanent sad face, but she also fucked away her nanny "career." Scratch that last part. I'm sure Rob Lowe and Jude Law have already requested her services.

Image VIA Cover Awards

And so much for everything I ate today fully digesting, because it's all about to come pouring out of my ear, nose and mouth holes thanks to this picture of Jon Grosselin and Meth Brows doing a disgustingly horrific act together! This is a cruel act against humanity! Where is a rabid possum with a thirst for meth brows and douche dough when you need one?! We need to call our congressmen about this fuckery.

You know Jon and Methy only posed for Radar to shoot down the rumors that they are no longer bumping titties in between his Ed Hardy satin sheets. Okay, you two twats win. You're still together. We surrender. Now please don't ever do that shit again in public.

If you're feeling masochistic, you can go on over to Radar to see even more pictures. If I were you, I'd consult my physician before, because this shit will make you ill.

Some of you may already have seen/eaten/barfed up McDonald's "Mac Snack Wrap" which is basically a Big Mac wrapped in a tortilla. McDonald's has been testing it out in certain markets for a few months now.

Thankfully, I haven't come across this yet, because I probably would have already devoured it in a drunken haze only to regret it later while hacking it up on my bathroom floor as my dog watches with a hongray look on his mouth. Seriously, whenever I get the booze-induced barfs, my dog always comes around like the buffet is open for business. I have to clean it up right away or he will. Ugh, it's too early for that grossness.

Anyway, below are some pictures EatMeDaily took of this mess and it really does look like a power bottom had an accident in a tortilla.

I'd be all about it if the tortilla was stuffed with bacon and cheese, covered in batter and deep fried. It could also use some pork rind bits sprinkled on top.

VIA Consumerist

So, I was looking for pictures of LeAnn Rimes and her gayfaced husband Dean for some story about how he's best homegirls with Eddie Cibrian's wife now. Basically, Dean and Eddie's wife are bonding, because they both soon-to-be divorcee's, blah..blah... You can read the whole thing at UsWeekly. Anyway, while looking for pictures, I noticed that LeAnn and Dean are always attached at the head. They are either touching heads or practically touching heads. It's like they are Siamese Twins or constantly posing in a Sears Portrait Studio! Lori and Reba they are NOT!

Is it Dean's way of saying, "Oh, look! I don't like man chowder on my face, because I'm actually touching a female and not getting the dry heaves or squealing like a 2-year-old at Walmart"? You know the only way he's getting through it is to picture LeAnn's head as a giant dildo. And this is probably the closest LeAnn got to ever giving Dean head.

But now that they aren't together, how will they pose by themselves on the red carpet? Their heads will be lost! LeAnn's head is going to roll right off her body, because it will have nothing to lean on. Actually, that won't be such a bad thing.

Crunk + Disorderly posted few quotes from an interview rapper Lil' Boosie did with TSS and well... um...ugh.. well.... Just read for yourself:

TSS: What’s your craziest female on the road story?

Lil’ Boosie: One time a girl was giving me head and she threw up on me.

TSS: (Laughs!!!) Wait a minute. What? What the hell happened?

Lil’ Boosie: Nothing. We were in the room and she was giving me head and I thought it was too far down her throat and she did like this [gagging noise] and it just came out everywhere on me. I just grabbed that motherfucker by her hair and then just ran to the bathroom.

TSS: Alright–

Lil’ Boosie: But guess what though? I went back because I hadn’t gotten my nut after I wiped off. That made me more ready.

TSS: So wait, you let her keep giving you head!?

Lil’ Boosie: After I wiped up and got it clean with that Irish Springs, I had to catch my nut so I let her go on and go back. I made her brush her teeth.

TSS: …

Lil’ Boosie: And we be sticking pill up girl’s booty too!

TSS: Ok look, now I heard on the mixtape with Hurricane Chris, you mentioned that. What’s up with that?

Lil’ Boosie: Yea, it kicks in after 20 seconds. It hits them in 20 seconds.

TSS: How does someone even find that out?

Lil’ Boosie: I get it from my cousin. He did it to a few girls way back in the game. And it just took off. I put it in a song. Everything I put in a song, I’ve tried it. So I put it in her booty hole and it melted. It melts in their booty hole and it hits them in 20 seconds. You never know what they’re gonna do. They may break out crying talking about their momma doesn’t love them or something. It hit them in the booty hole good. The booty is like eating the pill.

TSS: Then they start throwing up?

Lil’ Boosie: Naw, she was off that Goose and Patron. I didn’t put one in her booty. It was Goose and Patron.

I love how Lil' Boosie it making it sound like that chick choked, because his dick was so big. The real story is that homegirl had a moment of clarity and realized whose cock was she was slurping on. However, puking on the peen really is a right of passage for all drunk sluts. Welcome to the club, girl.

And "The booty is like eating the pill" is the phrase that pays for the day. I mean, kids are already sticking vodka tampons and beer bongs up their holes and now ecstasy pills?! I guess the mouth on your face just isn't good enough anymore. Doing butt sex with a pill does not sound fun, though. It probably makes your asshole look like an old person trying to grit their gums. Not a good look.

First of all, try to control yourself. I know Phil Spector's mug shot always makes you want to run out to the nearest costume shop, buy a Scrooge mask, boil it for 5 hours, let it cool and then wet hump it until you go raw....but you must resist. Just this time.

So...600-year-old Phil Spector is currently in the chokey for murdering Lana Clarkson. Phil is crying about the conditions and wants them to do something about it! Dude already wears a diaper, so it's no surprise that he's acting like a baby.

Phil is being moved out of the California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility & State Prison after he told officials that he feels like bitches are going to kill his ass in there. When Phil was told they were moving him to the Pleasant Valley State Prison in Coalinga, he freaked out again and said the place is riddled with Valley Fever. Apparently, 16 inmates died at the prison from Valley Fever within the past 4 years. Phil think he's next.

Phil's trophy wife is also whining for him and she told Page Six, "They are sending Phil there to die. He is scared to death. When I saw him on Saturday, he was shaking . . . He's 70 years old and 130 pounds . . . We are trying to appeal over this, but he's been told he has no time. He's already been given his bus pass out of Corcoran."

The prison officials should show Phil what's it's really like to suffer and throw him in a jail cell filled with mirrors. Seriously, I'd rather spend the rest of my life locked in one of the houses on Hoarders than have to look at that face of fugness every single day. Phil would be begging for a lethal injection shot up the ass in no time.