TomKat

Even Priscilla Presley probably cringed when watching Tommy Girl singing Elvis on Jay Leno last night and you know that's saying a lot. It's almost psychically impossible for Priscilla to move her face, but she did it when hearing Tommy's warble because it hurt down in her very soul. I bet her eyes popped out and now she's blind. Blame it all on this fuckery above.

Tommy talked about how he'd love to do a musical (you know us gays) and that's when he suggested he should sing a little something. The images of him in an ass-less Elvis jumpsuit and Johnny Travolta as Priscilla has made my genitals call in sick for the rest of the day. You know Tommy sings this shit while Johnny is bouncing on his Jailhouse Rock.

Click to the 5:20 mark to get your daily dose of Tommy creepiness. When he sings, his eyes feel like they are touching me inappropriately and telling me to not to tell my priest about it.

And here's TG leaving Kimmel last night with his boyfriends.

Meet fembot Aiko and her creator Le Trung of Ontario, Canada. Le spent over $20,000 of his own cash to build his idea of the perfect woman. No, he didn't build a clone of The Empress of Lucite. Strange, right?

Anyway, Aiko is in her 20s and her measurements are 32, 23, 33. She can do simple cleaning chores, balance his checkbook and can speak 13,000 different sentences in both English and Japanese.

Tommy Girl better update Stepford Katie's system, because I doubt she can do all that.

Aiko also responds to touch. But if you grab her robo-titties, she'll slap you in slow mo and say, "I do not like it when you touch my breasts!"

That's pretty funny, because that's exactly what Tommy tells Katie when she tries to grab one of his moobs.

Le Trung can't do sexy times with Aiko, but he could redesign her software so that she can act like she's having an orgasm. Okay, Tommy Girl doesn't need that update for Katie.

Seriously, I'm all for finding love wherever you can get it, but robot love is not my thing. I even fell strange playing with Tickle Me Elmo. I expect that bitch to come alive and kick me in the teeth for tickling him too much. Robots are creepy and cannot be trusted. One day Le Trun is going to grab Aiko's micro-nips and she's going to do more than slap his face.

Source VIA HuffPo

(Thanks Mark)

Tommy Girl was in Toronto promoting that soon-to-be epic flop Valkyrie and he seems to have lost the device he uses to control Stepford Katie's hard drive: his Blackberry. Tommy did an interview with Entertainment Tonight Canada and shortly after he fluttered off, his slaves called to see if he had left it. Shinan Govani, a columnist for the National Post, said, "A search was done, but, nada. So, basically, someone in Toronto has Top Gun's crackberry."

Crackberry? That's exactly what happened. Tommy probably sat on it and his hungry hole swallowed it up in one gulp. Tommy's wondering why his ass is quivering so much lately. He figured Xenu was just flirting with him again.

VIA Page Six

Why the fuck was Tommy Girl on The Hills' after-show last night? Why the fuck does The Hills even have an after-show? Actually, why the fuck does The Hills even exist at all?

Only Satan knows the answers to these questions and he's smoking a bowl with a Spaghetti Cat (he's everywhere) right now, so we'll have to ask him later.

Yes, Tommy Girl's desperation led him to The Hills' after-show last night to give marriage advice to Spencer Pratt. Isn't that special? From one fake husband to another. When asked about what he thought about Heidi and Spencer fake eloping, he said, "If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding. It's a special occasion, and she'll remember it forever. Spencer... dude... you'll realize this later."

Tommy forgot to advise Spencer to switch Heidi's brain with a robot hard drive. Correction: just a slip a robot hard drive in Heidi's head, because she doesn't have a brain.

It looked like Tommy really wasn't aware of Spencer existence, but I'm sure it was love at first sight. You could tell Tommy's Scientolohole started chomping like a Hungry Hungry Hippo when they showed him Spencer's pic. Fleshy beards really do it for him. Heidi better be ready to fight for her fake husband, because Tommy is going to make Spencer his next wife.

And here's a few pictures of Tommy on MuchOnDemand yesterday. I can smell Tommy's panty pudding from here. He's pinching himself because he can't believe one of his wet dreams actually came true.

In case you have no idea which one is Suri, she's the one making a fist. Too bad she didn't use her first to punch Stepford Katie in the face to hopefully wake her up from the brainwashed haze she's in. And you know one of those toys (Katie not included) is working for Tommy Girl. My money is on the creepy bald headed thetan doll. Unlike, Tini Puppini, it looks like it can speak words.

Katie dragged Suri and her friends out last night to see the Christmas lights at Rockefeller. Translation: just the ten millionth photo-op of the week.

And Suri has started a trend with that blue nail polish. The next time we see pictures of Zahara Jolie-Pitt, her little finger nails will be polished in blue. Trust this.

I know we have all called these two crazy crazies a million times over, but they really are crazy. The epitome of crazy. What's crazier than crazy? These two. The word crazy should be spelled T-O-M-K-A-T.

The New York Times Style Magazine is all about Tommy Girl and his weepy robot wife this week. There's an interview, pictures and even video. Methinks this issue was sponsored by Scientology and features subliminal messages. Don't stare directly into their eyes, because you will starting saying the word "glib" on a loop. Your mouth will form a frozen smile that you won't be able to control and the life butterflies will fly from your eyes.

In the interview, Tommy and Katie (or KATE as he calls her) talk about the first time they met. It was love at first contract. Tommy said, "I knew I wanted to marry Kate when I met her. At one point, I thought she was going to ask me to marry her first and I put her off by changing the subject. I wanted to ask her."

Katie said she fell completely in love him during their first meeting. "He was so warm, and I thought, 'Wow, I thought, 'You can be a superstar and a human being.'" This is how you know this bitch is all sorts of crazy. Tommy of Risky Business was a human being, Tommy of today is an ALIEN. An alien with insanity in the brains.

Katie even told Tommy that her childhood dream was to marry him. His response? "I said I wouldn't want to disappoint her." Shortly after their first meeting, he bought her an engagement ring.

Why must they go on with this fuckery? We knew what happened. Their first date was held in a conference room in Tommy Girl's underground labyrinth. A dozen lawyers, several Scientology scientists, Johnny Travolta, Tommy and Katie were all there. Tommy's lawyers handed Katie a contract and told her to sign that shit in her blood. Then they asked her to hand over her eyeballs and in exchange they gave her new robot eyes and a shiny engagement ring. Love was born.

CRAZY!!! Does St. Ives make a "sanity" scrub, because I really need it after reading this interview and watching their videos. I feel like I'm covered in their crazy dust.

Click here if you can't get enough of their insanity.

Tommy Girl can't be anymore obvious. He should have just put Suri in a glass display case, placed spotlights all around her and shouted "Step right up!" on a megaphone. Now, the last time I held a baby it threw up on my face, so I don't hold one often, but I'm pretty sure this is not how you normally do it. Suri better be getting paid double for this kind of fuckery.

On the plus side, she has a sippy cup instead of a bottle! Alert the fucking world! At this rate, she'll graduate to a regular cup by her 18th birthday! Actually, I think Suri is going from the sippy cup straight to the bottle thanks to the fact that she's being raised by a pack of crazies.

And Tommy's platform Easy Spirits are seriously sexy.

Dear Beyonce, Brit Brit and all those other bitches who think they know how it's done - This is how it's really done! This is exactly how the world wants to be entertained. Tina Turner is the que-que-que...I can't call her that. The word won't come out. If I do, Queen Aretha will lay one of her chichis over me and I'll disappear forever.

During her "I'm 69 an Oh So Fine" tour, Tina Turner gets her hot ass into her old Aunty Entity outfit and plops Kim Zolciak's weekend wig on her head to perform "We Don't Need Another Hero." This is the shit I need to see. Heaven is probably Tina Turner wearing this outfit singing that song on a loop. That mega hot piece behind her is also there feeding us grapes.

Below are a few more pictures of Tina Turner busting it for the audience at Madison Square Garden in NYC last night. Tommy Girl and his tired robot wifey were in the audience. Tommy was only there to ask Tina how he can get a hold of one of those Aunty Entity costumes. One of Johnny Travolta's fantasies involves him in his Battlefield Earth costume and Tommy as Aunty Entity.

Once again Tommy Girl broke a promise to Suri and dragged her out on her day off. Look at her! She's spent. She wanted to spend her Thanksgiving sipping barleytinis, watching "The Bad Girls" marathon, playing Canasta with the maids and planning her Spring wardrobe. She did not want to be out in NYC with Little Gay Crazy and his microwaved celery stalk of a wife. But of course since it was Thanksgiving, Tommy Girl had to make sure to get his "We're a Perfect American Family" photo-op.

Suri wasn't the only one who had to suffer through this fakery. Tommy dragged his "other" children, Isabella and Connor, out yesterday too. They both look like they would rather be playing racquetball against their mother's forehead than pretending to be a happy family with Tommy. And if that wasn't enough, the Becks family came along for the publicity tour.

They all went to the Big Apple Circus and followed it with a carriage ride through Central Park. You know, just two extremely private families doing extremely private things in the most private city in the world.

Suri Cruise is like a walking The Ivy restaurant: paparazzi swarm her whenever she leaves the house. Soon you're going to see international supermodel Phoebe Price and Prince Von A-Hole hanging around Suri just so they can get their pose on for the paps. And Tommy Girl loves, loves, loves it! He told Grazia Magazine (via Post Chronicle), "I have to say some of those paparazzi shots of my daughter are incredible. As a parent you protect your children but Suri is a very open and warm child and she will just wave to people on the street. She is such happy, fun girl."

Fuck, he's gross. I bet every morning, he holds PR meetings with Suri and they strategize what she's going to wear and how she's going to act. He probably talks to her like she's an adult and gives her a PowerPoint presentation on her image. He fucking knows that she's the only thing that's keeping him relevant.

Tommy pursed his lips, crossed his legs, flipped his hair and went on to say, "It is certainly different these days with the media, but people have very good to us and do give us space so I am not going to be difficult." Of course, he's not going to be difficult. He's probably tipping their asses off!

Although, I must say that these pictures of Suri with a cupcake made my body grow ovaries.