Solange

Beyonce is fucking with Solange again! You know Beyonce told Basement Baby that she's way too *edgy* and *unique* for a mainstream record label, so she advised her to put on her pioneer hat and go out on her own! Basement Baby fell for Beyonce's trap, because she announced that she has quit her record label and will go independent for her third album.

Solange announced the news on her Twitter: "Although it’s been a wonderful journey & experience at Interscope Records, after truly recognizing what’s important to ME as an artist, I decided it was time for me to continue my path on a more independent platform. I’m excited about continuing to dive in, experiment and creating music and art with no boundaries, fears or expectations. Gonna be fun folks.”

Those of you HATERZ (The Z is to ZING you good) who are shouting that Basement Baby got dropped by her label need to duck, because she flies above all of you. Actually, I guess it's kind of impossible to fly above all the haters when you're trapped in the basement. Oh. Damn. :(

VIA Rap-Up.com

Beyonce and Basement Baby's daddy/manager, Matthew Knowles, might be a father again, but the mother is not his wife of 29 years Tina Knowles. WIGS WILL FLY!

TMZ reports that a woman who goes by the name of Alexsandra Wright filed a paternity suit against Daddy Knowles claiming that he's the papa je'e of her unborn baby. Alexsandra, who lives in Los Angeles and is in her 30s, is about six months pregnant. Please tell me she's going to name the baby Sasha Fierce Jr. Even if it's a boy. Especially if it's a boy.

Daddy Knowles probably won't believe he's the father until Maury utters those 4 magical words, but this could be good news for Solange! With a new Knowles spawn on the way, she will rise from the basement. Sasha Fierce Jr. will be the new basement baby who has to sit at the children's table for the rest of his days. Solange will finally have someone to throw a side-eye at.

I can gently put down my Lisa Frank pen, because I need longer need to write an angry joint "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE" letter to Beyonce and Amber Rose FOR THIS. Basement Baby's Susan Powter moment did not last long.

Yesterday in Los Angeles, Basement Baby aired her bald head out while running errands, but that night, she wigged out at party for Dita Von Teese. Even Beyonce couldn't be that mean, so she probably took pity on Basement Baby and gave her a wig from her "send to charity" pile. THANKS BE TO CHEESUS! Solange's jaggedy hairline did not want to be exposed like that!

Solange doesn't get out that much, so when Daddy Knowles accidentally leaves the basement door open, you know this bitch is going to come out with a BANG! Basement Baby did just that at San Francisco's Gay Pride Parade yesterday. It looks like BB went to a lot of trouble of making this fuckery suit using Beyonce's old biker shorts. To save her some time, Solange should've called up Clay Gayken and asked him to wet fart on her. The result would've been the same.

And I'm not sure if the crowd really appreciated Basement Baby's deli counter crotch right in front of them. Bitch, put some Swiss, mustard, mayo and two pieces of Rye on that meatiness.

I'm telling you. Basement Baby goes wild when gets a hit of fresh air.

Always wondered what Solange sings to her mice friends down in the basement late at night to calm their nerves after Hurricane Sasha Fierce passes through? Well, here you go. While touring in Europe (she's bigger than CHEESE over there!!!!), Basement Baby performed her cover of Björk's "It's Oh So Quiet" which is a cover of Betty Hutton's "Blow a Fuse." I think Björk's response to this is the same one she gave that annoying ass reporter in Bangkok.

Thousands of crazy Björkies are also about to storm the basement, because Solange said this about her performance: "I want to be like the black Björk!" Bitch better hide in the ducts, because they are coming for her!

Here's Beyonce, Mama Tina, Orlando Jones and Basement Baby's son Daniel in Paris yesterday. You can't tell me that's Basement Baby herself. It really is Orlando Jones in of one Sasha Fierce's old wigs from the archives. I smell the faint scent of tepid 7up wafting off these pictures.

Beyonce was kind enough to give Basement Baby a summer job as a light switcher on her tour and this is the thanks she gets?! At a show in Rotterdam, Sasha Fierce's wig nearly blew off her head when SOMEONE (wink wink nudge nudge) failed to turn on the lights at the right time. This prompted Sasha to sing "LIGHTS! Somebody's gonna get fired" (at the 0:45 mark) before she continued to have an ass seizure onstage.

Well, Basement Baby got her shot and effed it up. We know who's back in the basement this morning, fighting with her mouse friends over the last biscuit crumb.

And after watching that clip above, why do I feel like I've seen this show before in front of Treasure Island in Las Vegas.?

(Thanks Fadhil)

When Solange passed the fuck out at LAX last week from too much DRANK, exhaustion or whatever, I prayed to the basement gods (who live on the first floor) that everything was alright. I can breathe now that I've seen this picture from the tragic incident. Basement Baby looks like she's just taking a drunk nap. Or maybe she's just putting her ear to the floor so that the basement voices' can lullaby her to sleep.

This shit also makes me think about how many pictures are out there of me passed out in the middle of the sidewalk, club, church parking lot, park bathroom, bath house, etc. like this. Bitches always got to try and be funny with their camera phones.

Solange was out of the basement for longer than 24-hours and I don't think she was used to foreign oxygen and particles, because she passed the hell out! Yes! Basement Baby hit the floor at the airport. Her body obviously wanted to be closer to the basement.

I'm sure you've already read about it on CNN, because every major international news outlet reported this breaking tragic event. Okay, not really. Solange reported it herself on Twitter. Hey, someone's got to try to keep her relevant. Apparently, Basement Baby had a too many DRANK pills. Here's some of Solange's Twitter postings documenting the events leading up to her fall from...from the bottom?

think im certified loosing it on nyquil. going to sleep before i start freestyling on the plane.
about 11 hours ago from web

omg i didnt know nyquil could do this to you.i took the pills tho.cant stomach cough syrup.trying to be proactive on this flight.
about 11 hours ago from web in reply to Krucial

Never taking nyquil again. I feel so wierd.
about 7 hours ago from mobile web

Woaah...... How'd I end up in the hosptal?
about 4 hours ago from mobile web

Woke up to 8 random people over me, laid out on the floor in baggage claim!
about 4 hours ago from mobile web

Guess I passed out! Scary. Hooked up to IV now . Apparantly I'm super dehydrated.
about 4 hours ago from mobile web

My mom is here! I'm ready to go! I'm fine now. Just let me go home and drink Gatorade!
about 4 hours ago from mobile web

I've never passed out before. Shit was like the movies. People standing over me saying "hello". I've been embarrased enough today.
about 3 hours ago from mobile web

I'm out! Yay!
about 3 hours ago from mobile web

Is it just me or does this sort of have a David After Dentist feel to it? Solange Out Of Basement! She probably says "Is this real life?" every time they let her stick her head out of the basement window.

And seriously, Solange is no joke when it comes to Twitter. I think being locked up down there for so long has made her mute or something. That's some Nell shit. The only way she communicates is through Twitter.

Here's a few pictures of Solange with Giorgio Armani at his store opening in NYC just a few hours before she hit the floor.

This is why Solange never gets to leave the basement! When she does she shames the good family name with shit like this! I blurred it out in the header pic above for those of you that work for nipple-haters, but Basement Baby spilled a sandcastle nip at Toni Maticevski's fashion show in NYC yesterday. I mean, Solange finally won a "Get out of the basement" card during a game of "Beyonce, May I?" and this is what she does?! I know they at least have duct tape or Elmer's glue in the basement. She could've fixed that shit before crawling out the window.

Don't blame her nip, though. It never gets oxygen down in her dungeon, so it was just trying to breathe in some fresh air while it can.

And the second thumbnail below has changed my life today. Pat Field's gorgeous eyebrows, basement nip and a ginge?! Perfection.

Sasha Fierce strikes again! She totally whispered into the vents, "Soooolaaaaange.... Your destiny is to cover Coldplay.... It is your destiny.... fulfill it." Solange thought the basement voices were speaking to her again and this is how this shit was born. If you stick your ear close to the speaker, you can almost hear Sasha Fierce's haughty laugh because she got Solange again! Damn!

Even though my ear drums will never be the same, I do like Solange's "cramped in the basement" moves. These are the moves she pulls when she's wiggling through the air ducts to escape the basement.

And since we're on the subject of Sasha Fierce's fuckery, here's a bonus clip of an all-stars Single Ladies tribute starring Cubby, Arianna and those three BBWs on THE LOOK AT ME, I"M TY TY BANKS SHOW last week. Ty Ty obviously couldn't afford Shane Mercado's services.

Thanks Eli & Amiee