90210

The producers and actors on "90210" are about to stage an intervention for two of the girls on the show, because they basically look like skeletons. Wait...hold up...did somebody say "Intervention"? It's like I'm walking on sunshine! Okay, back to the important topic at hand.

A source told UsWeekly that Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup have lost tons of weight since joining the show. The source said: "I've never seen Jessica or Shenae eat."

A weight-management expert guessed that Shenae is 5'3" and weighs 90 pounds. They gussed Jessica is 5'8" and weighs 100 to 105 pounds.

Producers and the boys of the cast want them to eat more and are about to sit them down for a little talk. Producers on TV shows care?! Since when? The producers are probably creaming their chonies that their girls made the cover of UsWeekly.

These two girls need to sit down and watch a few episodes of the old "Beverly Hills 90210." I'm specifically talking about Gina Kinkaid (played by Vanessa Marcil) and Kelly Taylor. Gina was bulimic and Kelly was addicted to diet pills among other things. Do you remember when Kelly passed out in the bathroom of the Peach Pit? A cry for help! Jessica and Shenae need to watch this shit so they can learn from their predecessors.

And if that doesn't work, sic Brenda Walsh on them.

SPOILER ALERT! I didn't get to see the full "90210" episode last night, because my Tivo was busy with "Fringe" and "Big Brother" (don't judge), but some lovely soul uploaded Brenda and Kelly's moments to YouTube.

One of those moments included Brenda Walsh revealing who the father of Kelly's baby is. It's not Nat. It's not Steve. It's Dylan. Gross. And gross. I refuse to believe this. As I said before, Dylan was thrown into a mental hospital because he couldn't get over the fact that he lost the love his life, Brenda! He was too crazy to do sexy times with that raggedy ass bitch Kelly Taylor! Besides, Sammy doesn't have Dylan's forehead. This is not true! I'll believe it when Maury says it. Kelly is lying! She trapped him. I know it! That crooked bitch isn't right in the head and this is exactly something she would pull. And why didn't Brenda take Kelly's blonde hair in her hands and smash her head against the car when talking about Dylan? Is Brenda on her meds again? NO FUN! This is some "not right" shit.

The big moment, which looks like it was very anticlimactic, is at 5:50 in the clip above. I also love the scene where Brenda tells Lucille Bluth that she played Hedda Gabler once. Bitch doesn't even know who Hedda Gabler is! And I really hope Brenda and Lucille get in a cougar fight. My money is on Lucille. Don't fuck with a drunk with dentures.

I know. There's no way Mimi La Rue is the father. First of all, she's not male. Second of all, she's in heaven. Third of all, she would never get near that skanky tramp Kelly Taylor! I just wanted to post her beautiful picture. I miss seeing her cranky face.

So! The father of Kelly Taylor's 4-year-old son will be revealed on "90210" this Tuesday. I'll have to watch it on Wednesday night, because of my Tivo issues. The producer bitches of the show told People that there's a possibility the daddy will show up on a future episode.

Kelly has already said that she went to high school with the daddy and they have a history. They stopped talking after high school, but did sexy times together 4 years ago and she got knocked up. I knew Kelly didn't use protection. Dirty tramp! Kelly and the daddy haven't had much contact since.

Also, on the first episode, Kelly was on the phone with Brandon Walsh when her kid walked in.

Personally, I'm hoping that it's Nat. He needs a major storyline. But I'm pretty sure it's going to be Brandon. At least, I hope it's Brandon. Dylan has probably spent the last 5 years in a mental hospital because he never got over losing the love of his life....Brenda. Furthermore, why do I care?

While I stew on that question, watch this scene between that fugly whorebag Kelly and the legendary Miss Walsh. All I want is for Brenda to smash that cup over Kelly's stupid head. And I laughed when Brenda said Donna's baby is "cute." Brenda is such a good liar.

Brenda Walsh's stay in Beverly Hills will soon come to an end. EW reports that Brenda will only do the four episodes she originally signed up for. Brenda said she's the one who chose not to do anymore episodes. Uh huh. She said: "They asked me to do a lot more. I'm in the middle of pitching a show, so I couldn't commit to more than I did." Translation: "It's getting harder and harder for me to not punch Kelly Taylor in her smug peach-face. Many hours of anger management taught me to just walk away."

And what show is Brenda pitching anyway? If it's not "The Brenda Walsh Hour Of Spectacular Beat Downs" then I'm not into it. I only like Shannen as Brenda Walsh. Actually, I take that back. She was sort of hot on that disaster called "North Shore."

Brenda may be leaving, but that homewrecking tramp Kelly Taylor is staying. She signed on to 6 more episodes on top of the 5 she's already agreed to do. Gross.

With Brenda off the show, what's the point of watching anymore? Naomi better step up her bitch game or I'm officially deleting this shit from my Tivo "to do" list. And I mean it this time! Sort of. Okay, I don't.

P.S. - Jim Walsh is totally the father of Kelly's kid.

Thee most annoying baby twat on "90210," Shenae Grimes, doesn't know who she's fucking with. If The National Enquirer is telling the truth, she's about to get the Brenda Walsh beatdown special. Apparently, Shenae, 18, hates Shannen Doherty and is letting everyone know.

A source said, “(Shenae) actually referred to Shannen as an ‘effin bitch’ and said from the first moment Shannen walked onto the set she’s been acting like she’s special. Shenae was saying that Shannen talks down to the costume designers and caterers like they’re her servants and prances around the set like she’s Hollywood royalty.”

Shannen is an "effin bitch"? Flattery will only get Shenae a Brenda Walsh fist to her Ali-Lohan-wannabe face! And Shannen doesn't "prance." She fucking stomps.

Since we're on the subject of "90210," Kelly Taylor's hot cokehead mom is back tonight and my Tivo isn't going to record it! My Tivo has conflicts, so I have to wait until tomorrow. They repeat "90210" on Wednesdays.

Seriously, why can't Tivo or DVRs record more than two shows at once? Some of us are completely addicted to TV and need the ability to record as many shows as possible at the same time. Everybody needs to stop what they're doing and work on this situation until its fixed! Or maybe I should just get another TV and Tivo.

The new "90210" premiered last night...and...well..I tried! It's like a limp dick to me. It's not something that I would ever crave, but if I have nothing else to do, I'll make it work. It was pretty boring and I spent most of the 2-hours picking at my dog's eye boogies. And his eye boogies have more personality than some of the dreary fools in this show. Most of these skanks need to go back to the oatmeal factory they came from.

The main chick, Annie Wilson, is about as likeable as a plate of soggy 2 day old fries. She's totally a "High School Musical" reject and that's saying a lot. And Ali Lohan called, she wants her non-personality back.

The chick who is supposed to be the "bitchy" one is anything but! I had high hopes for Naomi Clark. Shouldn't she have a coke problem, bulimia, IBS or sticky fingers?! Something! And she looks like a salesperson at the Ann Taylor outlet store. All she did was pout and try to sex everybody up with her eyes. Speaking of eyes, Naomi's mom had serious crazy eyes! She could play Tricia Walsh-Smith in a TV movie.

Lucille Bluth basically played Lucille Bluth. But she did it better on "Arrested Development." The only bitch, besides Brenda of course, that I could tolerate was the pill-popping crackhead who has to pay her mom's mortgage or some shit. She's a welfare version of Nelly Furtado, but at least she had some real problems! Sadly, you know she's going to OD and that Ali Lohan wannabe is going to get the lead in "Spring Awakening." They always kill off the ones that I love.

Now to the real star of the show......Brenda Fucking Walsh! It was so nice to see her wonky eye back as the main bitch of Beverly Hills. Some lovely soul compiled Brenda and Kelly's two scenes together (above). Kelly isn't going to know what hit her skeezy ass! Brenda is playing nicey now, but things better change. I saw the way Brenda was checking out Kelly's new man with her one good eye. Brenda is back for blood....and school teacher jizz.

That's if the writers don't fuck it up by making her "nice" and "sweet." No. And if Brenda doesn't take over the lead in the high school musical at the last minute, I'm going to delete this shit from my Tivo! Okay, I won't, but I'll think about it for a long ass time.

When Brenda Walsh enters a room, the raggedy ass hos taking space should find the nearest exit and scurry back home to their mommies There's no need for them anymore.

Yesterday was the premiere party for "The Brenda Walsh Bitch Hour" aka the new "90210." Shannen Doherty was gracious enough to show up and pose for a few pictures. I'm sure after these pictures were taken, she punched out a bartender, took a bottle of Grey Goose from the bar and went back home to un-handcuff her dude of the moment from her bed. Hopefully she spit on that cunt Kelly Taylor on her way out.

You know, I couldn't find any pictures of Brenda and Kelly posing together. Kelly knows better. She can't compete. She never could!

Here's some of the other skanks from last night's party. Since when did Lori Loughlin become one of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

And the young whores of the show are trying too hard to compete with Brenda Walsh. They look like rejects from an amateur strip contest. Sorry little hos. Drink your milk and call it a night!

The CW released this extremely short promo featuring the queen bitch of all bitches, Brenda Walsh! The video currently has around 1,500 views and 1,499 probably came from me. I've been skipping to the 4-second mark over and over again to watch her say "Miss me?!" I scream "YES!!! YES!!" each time. I think it's making my dog barf.

In other Brenda Walsh news, this is a spoiler, so close your eyes and dream of fat dick if you don't want know. Back in the day, Brenda left Beverly Hills to pursue her dream of being an actress in London. Well, apparently Brenda has become a famous theater actress and director who lives in London and New York. HA! Um...we all saw her "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" audition. She's no Tallulah Bankhead.

Kelly Taylor, who is a counselor at West Bev, convinces Brenda to return to Beverly Hills to direct the high school musical. Brenda takes her offer and directs the kids in a high school version of the Broadway musical "Spring Awakening." You have got to be fucking kidding me. Whatever. I don't care as long as there's at least 3 scenes featuring Brenda beating the shit out of Kelly. I want to see blonde hair flying. Brenda better punch Kelly right in her chipmunk teeth!

Run from that mess known as "90210" before it's too fucking late! Just make sure not to spill a drop of your delicious cocktail. You don't want to waste any of life's precious nectar.

So....Lucille Bluth aka Jessica Walter is just one of the stars of The CW's "90210," which premieres September 2nd. The network has decided not to send out screeners for the show to reporters and critics. I guess it's highly unusual not to send out copies before a show's premiere. This basically means it sucks harder than that slut Kelly Taylor at a frat party.

The network said it's a "strategic marketing decision." They went on to say, "We're not hiding anything . We're simply keeping a lid on 90210 until 9.02, riding the curiosity and anticipation into premiere night, and letting all our constituents see it at the same time."

I haven't seen this fuckery and I already know what my review is going to be: "MORE BRENDA! MORE LUCILLE BLUTH!"

I mean, the poster for the show is a bunch of kids in a pool. Kids in a pool = floating shit. That says it all.

Source

If you blink, you might miss her! The legendary duchess of prime time television, Brenda Walsh, has finally made an appearance in the promos for "90210." She's in it for like two seconds. That disgusts me. She should be in every second of this promo.

Shit, they should just change the series name to "Brenda Walsh: Don't Get It Twisted" and get it over with. I don't care if the show is 60-minutes of Brenda eating an apple, it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than watching any of these skanks. The lead ho reminds me of Ali Lohan and that is a bad, bad thing. I keep waiting for White Oprah to pounce in and scream, "Aliiiiiiii."

So, note to the producers. The only way you can dress up this oatmeal-looking mess is by adding a lot more cinnamon sugar aka Brenda Walsh.