90210

Brenda Walsh has claimed her first victim and she hasn't even begun shooting her scenes yet. Kristin at E! is hearing that Shannen Doherty is in and Tori Spelling is out of the "90210" spin-off. I'm so happy that I could shit and sing at the same time.

A source said that Tori the Hutt will not be doing the show due to "personal reasons." The personal reason being she's too fugly for network TV and knows it! No, Tori the Hutt just had a baby or something like that.

The source went on to say, “It is happening with Shannen. It's just a question of how long she'll shoot, whether it will be one day or ten and what the storyline will be, but we are working on it, and it is a very real thing."

The producers are hoping to reunite Brenda and Kelly Taylor onscreen which means that Shannen and Jennie Garth have to speak to each other. The source thinks the two will be fine, "They were 19 and 20 when all of that happened and a lot has changed. And, you know, they’re not moving in together, just shooting together for an hour and a half.” There's going to be shooting going on alright. Brenda shooting Kelly in the pussy bone for stealing her man!

It's funny that I don't even remember the other skanks in this show. All that matters is the showdown between Brenda and Kelly. The writers shouldn't bother coming up with new shit. They should just have them recreate the scene below instead. "You guys are so gossipy! Thanks for the memories."

Lori Loughlin recently said that she doesn't think Brenda Walsh is coming back to the "90210" spin-off, because "nobody wants to touch that." Well, Lori better get her razors ready, because Brenda is coming back and the bitch is ready to beat some "15-year-old Full House ass" and I'm talking about Lori.

Michael Ausiello reports that producers have talked to Shannen Doherty about coming back to the show as the Queen of Everything Brenda Walsh. DUH! They know that shit show ain't nothing without its true star!

Sources tell Michael that "she wants to know what the story is going to be first." Shannen also wants more cash. Bitch knows her worth! And the storyline better be Brenda coming back with a flamethrower to kick some ass and take names. Brenda will smoke all those tween hos and show them how it's really done. Then producers can change the name from "90210" to "BRENDA 4 EVA!"

Jennie Garth, who has a guest-starring role on the show, is reportedly okay with Shannen coming back. She said, "A lot of time has passed, and I'm a big girl. I'd have no problem with her coming on the show." You know after hearing the news, Jennie immediately hired the A-Team to protect her ass on the set.

This shit better come true and they better not waste Brenda's precious talents. If there's not at least three scenes featuring Brenda calling Kelly "a dumb fuck bitch," followed by a shank to the face, then I'm going to be disappointed.

It wouldn't be a 90210 post without a classic Brenda scene. Here's Brenda showing everyone that she really should have won a Grammy for the performance below. And as it should be, those two hags are standing BEHIND her.

Thanks Mari

Tori the Hutt has been confirmed as a guest star on "90210." It was rumored that Tori would make a cameo as Donna Fartin' in the pilot along with dumb bitch Kelly Taylor. Tori told People, “Donna loved designing and wanted a career in fashion. It’ll be fun to explore that storyline. And, I’m sure fans will be dying to know if she’s still married to David!” She's not still married to David, because she accidentally ate him.

A rep for the show said Donna Martin owns "one of the coolest stores in Beverly Hills.” This show has already failed and it hasn't even started shooting. What the hell was the name of Donna's clothing store in the original show? That place was a dump! It looked like a Clothestime outlet. Donna should come back to the show as the new janitor of West Beverly. That would make more sense.

Tori went on to say, “When they say you can’t go home again, its not true. I’m headed back to the zip code I know best and couldn’t be happier!” It's a shame the postal code she knows best isn't H0H 0H0 (google it).

Lori Loughlin talked to OK! Magazine about the upcoming "90210" and she really should have kept her mouth shut! When asked about Brenda Walsh returning to the show, Lori said, “I don't think Shannen will. No. I don't think anyone wants to touch that.”

What does she mean by "touch that?" Touch greatness? Touch the best thing that happened to TV? She knows that if Brenda comes back, her days as the resident cougar on the show are numbered. And I used to like Aunt Becky....

Lori also said that she's heard talk of Luke Perry making a cameo. She confirmed that Tori Spelling is making a tiny cameo in the pilot and that she may shoot more scenes after she gives birth. Gross and gross.

It's not right, but it's okay. Brenda will get her revenge in the end!

In the clip below, Brenda finds herself in the middle of a robbery at the Peach Pit. How did she not win an Emmy for this shit? Riveting!

9021-NOOOO! Above is a promo of The CW's 90210 and I'm not impressed. This shit looks like footage from a Christian rock video.

Whenever I hear the first few beats of the 90210 theme song, I'm expecting to see Brandon fake punch Dylan. Instead, I'm seeing two strangers playing pattycake. The producers need to hear my screams already! This show will be nothing without Brenda Walsh!

Okay, the Naomi bitch is sort of hot. You can already tell she's going to be the cokehead slut. Oh wait, this is The CW. They sanitize everything. She'll be the ciggie smoking serial kisser.

I'm still depressed. Below is the original intro for Beverly Hills 90210. Now this is the real shit right here!