90210

The Carol Channing of praying mantises and Jennie Garth walked in the Heart Truth's Red Dress fashion show yesterday and there was something different about Jennie's face. It's looking a little botoxy. Naw. That bitch thinks she's too good and wholesome for that shit. She probably just stared at Tori Spelling's face of fug too long. Every wrinkle on Jennie's face straightened out in fright. Tori should set up a booth. Just one long stare into Tori's fug mug and you'll have a face like a baby's ass.

This is why Brenda Walsh is needed on that 90210 crap.

Yesterday, that dumb bitch Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin filmed a scene in Beverly Hills where they had to cross the street. Brenda would have never ever let this opportunity pass her by. I mean, Donna Martin near moving traffic? You do the math. Actually, Brenda could've just moved the umbrella off of Praying ManTori. The water would have melted her down into a puddle of buggy eyes and desperation.

Your beat down skills are needed in the picture above! And by the look on Kelly Taylor's face, that bitch will tap in and participate.

Tori Spelling was on the 90210 set yesterday shooting Donna Martin's big return to Beverly Hills. God, I hope that car goes off a damn cliff. The producers only brought this fug ho back to make the other actors on the show look prettier and more talented. Stick any fucking thing next to Tori and watch its hotness and talent levels skyrocket.

Here's more of the former Tori the Hutt looking like like a pre-op Admiral Ackbar.

You know where that award would look best? You must be one of Sylvia Browne's relatives, because I know you know what I'm thinking. You have the gift. Katherine HAGel can shove that thing down her throat. It will fit perfectly. It wouldn't make sense for her to shove it up her culo since she goes caca through her mouth. I know, such hate. Blame HAGel. She does that to me.

Anyway, some moronic morons voted 27 Dresses their "Favorite Comedy Movie" at the People's Choice Awards. The idiots who voted that shit to win are also the people that think you can get knocked up from swallowing. I've had conversations with these kind of people. They really think the spermies can swim down to their baby making parts. I can't...

Okay, 27 Dresses was not bad, anything starring HAGel should not get an award. That only fuels her ego! She's probably on the Grey's Anatomy set this morning toting that shit around like it's an Oscar! I just want to cover her up in bird seeds and grass and feed her to Fishsticks Paltrow!

I usually watch the People's Choice Awards every year, because it's a better sedative than Sleepytime Tea, but my Tivo couldn't handle it last night. It was busy making love to Damages, 13: Fear is Real, The Real World: Brooklyn and blah...blah.. blah.. After reading bout the PCA, it looks like I didn't miss much.

The winners were pretty predictable. Brangelina were voted the greatest living things. Of course, they think they are too good for that shit, so they didn't grace the peons with their presence. Click here to see all the winners.

Below I've thrown a bunch of pictures into one big toilet below. You can pick each one out and dissect them or you can just flush. Your choice. Dakota Fanning honestly look the best, because the MAC Cosmetics counter didn't vomit all over her face.

I don't think I can call Tori Spelling "Tori the Hutt" anymore since lost a lot of chunk. Now she kind of looks like an elderly praying mantis doing a terrible Carol Channing impersonation. She's still fug, though. Fug light!

When the new 90210 was announced, I was seriously all about it. Mostly because Brenda Walsh was one of the first bitches in my life who taught me how to really hate with all your heart and soul. After watching every episode, I just don't know.... I'm trying soooo hard to love it like the old shit, but the only time I'm not pitching my berries to stay awake is when Brenda and Kelly are in a scene together. I get off on that shit because I know how much they fucking hate each other in real life. Shannen just wants to take Jennie's hair, braid it into pigtails, kick her on all fours and ride her into traffic. I can see the look in her eyes. But Brenda's run is coming to an end. And what's even worse is that the producers want to bring Donna Martin back. AHHH!

Michael Ausiello claims Tori is in final talks to do several episodes. The deal will probably be complete today. Tori reportedly didn't want to come back sooner, because she was afraid of working with Shannen. That's right. Shannen would fuck that bitch up for talking shit on her in Tori's book. Although, that might be a good thing for Tori since Shannen could probably beat some pretty into her fug face.

If Donna Martin comes back and Brenda Walsh stays away, I just don't know how much longer I can watch this mess. That annoying bitch Annie is just begging to get slapped in the teeth.

Image: Fame Pictures

Thanks Alia

The Live Feed Puppies are growing up! Why does this have to happen?! Why can't somebody give them a cat cookie (puppies love that shit) that will make them puppies forever. Life is disappointing.

The puppies have outgrown their little box and now spend most of the day in their playpen. Because they are getting older, they play more and sleep much less. This is bittersweet. As much as I love watching them bite each other's genitals, chew on each other's ears and suffocate one another while screeching, this means they are going away soon to their new homes.

Apparently, the puppies will only be around for another 3 weeks or so. When the Live Feed Puppies leave our computer screens, the Internet must die! What's the point of it existing anymore?

By the way, I've even come attached to their fucking puppy toys! That carrot is my favorite. OMG! Two of the puppies just attacked another puppy's neck and it's screaming like it's being viciously murdered! Aww. How cute. My no-heart will be even emptier without them.....

If anybody knows the exact date these puppies are leaving our worlds, please hit me up . I need to organize some kind of liveblog/prayer circle for their last moments with us. Why do they have to leave? WHY GOD WHY?!

SPOILER ALERT! There were a few rumors going around that Brenda Walsh would take her last breath on an upcoming episode of "90210," but I don't believe those lies. Brenda Walsh can never die. It says so in the bible. It also says this in the dictionary. Look up the word impossible and the definition is: Brenda Walsh dying.

According to OK! Magazine, Brenda comes back to town in tonight's episode and tells that dumb bitch Kelly Taylor that she slept with her man! Brenda also ends up in the hospital, because of fertility issues or some shit. She finds out that she can't have kids. Like Brenda was going to have any! She's a woman of the world! She doesn't have time to deal with brats! And she's going to live forever, so she doesn't have to worry about another ho continuing her legacy. She can do that herself.

I'm hoping that while Brenda's in the hospital, the surgeons can go in and see what's going on with her heart area. I mean, they need to check if she has one, because she's been kind of uncharacteristically nice to Kelly Taylor. Brenda shouldn't have one of those heart things. Yeah, she did Kelly's man, but that's not enough! She should have kept fucking him until Kelly was completely destroyed. Kelly deserves to cry in her eyes for what she did to Brenda.

Here's that dumb bitch Kelly thinking she's Grace Kelly with her husband at the "Twilight" premiere last night.

Jason Priestley recently said that he doubts he would be back on the new "90210" show as Brandon Walsh and he's kept his promise. Jason will be part of "90210" but not as Brandon. He's agreed to direct the show's 18th episode, so he'll be behind the camera the entire time.

I'm fine with this. Brandon was never one of my favorites. He was always so fucking judgmental! He would ride in on his lemon meringue Mustang and get on Brenda's case for the stupidest reasons. He was a fun killer in every way. He is only allowed back on the show if he brings Emily Valentine's crazy ass with him. I always hated her, but she earned points with me when she tried to burn down the float!

Brandon will not be back onscreen, but Brenda will! Maybe. The Ausiello Files reports that Brenda is in talks to come back for two more episodes. A source said that the deal isn't done yet, but it's totally happening.

Brenda's last episode on "90210" was a total let down. Brenda can't leave without delivering an epic beat down on Kelly. I thought it was going to happen when that annoying twat Kelly accused Brenda of trying to steal Dylan. Kelly fails to realize that Brenda tapped that ass before she did. Like she wants that shit again!

And I can't talk about Emily Valentine without including the scene where Dr. Brenda Walsh counsels her. Brenda really does have a caring heart.

The CW has picked up "90210" for a full season. Yay. More episodes filled with snoozy plots, not enough Brenda Walsh and broke ass acting skills. Why am I watching this again? Oh, right. I'm watching it because I can't let go of Brenda Walsh. I'm hoping the day finally comes when Brenda takes her revenge on that dumbskankwhore Kelly Taylor. I also watch because I feel Naomi Clark, the resident rich bitch, has potential. But when are the writers going to finally bring out the uber cunt that lives inside her?

She slapped a dude once and she visited her daddy's mistress. Big deal! When is she going to have a coke overdose? When is going to fake a pregnancy to keep her man? When is she going to lace her daddy's condoms with liquid acid, so that his whore's vagina falls off. All she does is make queef faces and whine!

I will say that the scenes she has with her crazy-eyed mother are pretty entertaining. I mean, are they even in the same room when their scenes are filmed? It's like their acting opposite a warped piece of wood. Well, they kind of are. Whenever I watch a horrifically acted scene between Naomi and her buggy-eyed mother, I have to quickly switch to "The Hills" to fill my soul with a little bit of substance. Seriously, they make Heidi and Audrina look like Tallulah Bankhead and Bette Davis!

Source: E! Online

The producers and actors on "90210" are about to stage an intervention for two of the girls on the show, because they basically look like skeletons. Wait...hold up...did somebody say "Intervention"? It's like I'm walking on sunshine! Okay, back to the important topic at hand.

A source told UsWeekly that Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup have lost tons of weight since joining the show. The source said: "I've never seen Jessica or Shenae eat."

A weight-management expert guessed that Shenae is 5'3" and weighs 90 pounds. They gussed Jessica is 5'8" and weighs 100 to 105 pounds.

Producers and the boys of the cast want them to eat more and are about to sit them down for a little talk. Producers on TV shows care?! Since when? The producers are probably creaming their chonies that their girls made the cover of UsWeekly.

These two girls need to sit down and watch a few episodes of the old "Beverly Hills 90210." I'm specifically talking about Gina Kinkaid (played by Vanessa Marcil) and Kelly Taylor. Gina was bulimic and Kelly was addicted to diet pills among other things. Do you remember when Kelly passed out in the bathroom of the Peach Pit? A cry for help! Jessica and Shenae need to watch this shit so they can learn from their predecessors.

And if that doesn't work, sic Brenda Walsh on them.