Hold Me

Save the children! A rabid marmoset has escaped for her cage and is out for blood!

No...it's that little Kewpie doll, Christina Ricci, leaving her hotel in London last night. That's sort of what my face looks like after too many beers and bong hits.

The ultimate Claymate might have been found. Clay Gayken is currently starring on Broadway in "Spermalot" and one Claymate has already seen it 40 times. Seeing Gayken 40 times will make even the sanest person go nuts. Sources tell Gatecrasher that the women waits by the stage door for Gayken and the other actors.

One actor asked the woman why she loves Gayken so much, she answered the only way a crazed Claymate would answer, "He is the Savior." A Savior to whom? A group of bear tops with blue balls?

A source said the woman starts waiting by the stage door at 9 in the morning. She tries to talk to anybody that will listen to her, "She says talking to the other actors, she feels a step closer to Clay." If you see this bitch, proceed with caution. She's delusional enough to mistake you for Clay Gayken and hump you to death with her memaw vadge.

Actually, I bet you the crazed Claymate is Cynthia Nixon's butch girlfriend in a lady wig. Well, she obviously has a taste for Ginger Dykes!

There's definitely a massacre going down at Good Morning America right now. Mimi performed this morning and that shit didn't go well. During "Touch My Body," the back-up track started too soon and Mimi tried to sing her way through it, but you can tell she was boiling inside.

And then about 3 minutes into the performance, one of the back-up singers starts singing her part. Mimi turns to her and sings "Stop singing my paaaarttt...now babbbby..." I hope the back-up singer has made peace with God, because it's over for her.

Somebody has to find out the back-up singer's name! She is the hottest bitch in history, because she has a habit of doing that shit. She also did it during Mimi's American Idol performance.

Visit ONTD to see video of Mimi's two other performances on GMA. She snapped at Diane Sawyer before "Bye Bye." I really hope someone got footage of Mimi's tirade backstage. You know she swallowed three boxes of Twinkies and then ate the bitch who started the track too early.

Below is "Touch My Body." Skip to 3 minutes to see Mimi telling her back-up singer what's what.

Satan don't take me now! I don't know what's scarier, Elisabeth Hasselcrack or that big tranny pony? The combination of the two is fucking frightening.

I'm definitely checking under my bed tonight for a Republican twat in pink or a big tranny pony.

Here's Hasselcrack, her daughters and big tranny pony at the premiere of "My Little Pony Live!" at Madison Square Garden tonight. Wait, you mean there's more of those big tranny ponies? Hold me.....