Hold Me

Hurry! Jump in the shower, turn on the hot water and wash yourself with Walmart brand bleach. It will burn your skin, but you must get clean after seeing this picture.

WTF is growing on Dreamboat?! See, this is what the turd gets for touching lips with Amy Wino. A new disease has been born. In a few more days, that thing is going to grow legs, jump off of his face and roam the streets for a crack fix. Throw holy water on it! Kill it before it grows.

In other Dreamy news, The Sun reports that he has purchased three more cats bringing his tally to ten. Ten pussies! Dreamy also thought it would be a good idea to buy pregnant mice for his cats to eat. He should feed his cats that thing growing on his face. I'm sure there's a ton of protein in there. Well, a ton of crack I should say.

Image: INFDaily.com

Tommy Girl dragged the whole clan out yesterday to see his man, David Beckham, play that sport where they kick a ball around. Tommy wants to be that ball soooo bad. It was nice of Tommy to let Isabella and Connor out of their alien cages. He made them come to the game or else they would have to spend 6-months at Scientology camp. They are still having nightmares over the last time they were there.

Katie's hair is looking more and more "Stepford Wifey" each day. One day she's going to show up wearing and apron and carrying a fresh baked apple pie. They creep me the fuck out! These pictures look like stills from "The Others."

Kids will play with and on anything. When I was little I played with Big Gulp cups and dog caca. No joke. I didn't know any better. I was slow. Yes, I'm still slow. Anyway, Dark Roasted Blend posted some pictures of nightmare playgrounds from the former USSR. Kids played on everything from a dead rat to a horse hung man. Playing on a dead rat is fun!

Many of the statues and contraptions still exist in Russia and the Ukraine. Below are just some pictures of more creepy shit like an evil nurse, an impaled Baba Yaga, a stuffed animal nailed to a tree and decapitated monkey heads. Click here to see tons more.

This shit looks like it came directly from the brain of Chloe Lattanzi. We need more of this kind of crap here.

....this is the orientation video they show you before entering.

Save the children! A rabid marmoset has escaped for her cage and is out for blood!

No...it's that little Kewpie doll, Christina Ricci, leaving her hotel in London last night. That's sort of what my face looks like after too many beers and bong hits.

The ultimate Claymate might have been found. Clay Gayken is currently starring on Broadway in "Spermalot" and one Claymate has already seen it 40 times. Seeing Gayken 40 times will make even the sanest person go nuts. Sources tell Gatecrasher that the women waits by the stage door for Gayken and the other actors.

One actor asked the woman why she loves Gayken so much, she answered the only way a crazed Claymate would answer, "He is the Savior." A Savior to whom? A group of bear tops with blue balls?

A source said the woman starts waiting by the stage door at 9 in the morning. She tries to talk to anybody that will listen to her, "She says talking to the other actors, she feels a step closer to Clay." If you see this bitch, proceed with caution. She's delusional enough to mistake you for Clay Gayken and hump you to death with her memaw vadge.

Actually, I bet you the crazed Claymate is Cynthia Nixon's butch girlfriend in a lady wig. Well, she obviously has a taste for Ginger Dykes!

There's definitely a massacre going down at Good Morning America right now. Mimi performed this morning and that shit didn't go well. During "Touch My Body," the back-up track started too soon and Mimi tried to sing her way through it, but you can tell she was boiling inside.

And then about 3 minutes into the performance, one of the back-up singers starts singing her part. Mimi turns to her and sings "Stop singing my paaaarttt...now babbbby..." I hope the back-up singer has made peace with God, because it's over for her.

Somebody has to find out the back-up singer's name! She is the hottest bitch in history, because she has a habit of doing that shit. She also did it during Mimi's American Idol performance.

Visit ONTD to see video of Mimi's two other performances on GMA. She snapped at Diane Sawyer before "Bye Bye." I really hope someone got footage of Mimi's tirade backstage. You know she swallowed three boxes of Twinkies and then ate the bitch who started the track too early.

Below is "Touch My Body." Skip to 3 minutes to see Mimi telling her back-up singer what's what.

Satan don't take me now! I don't know what's scarier, Elisabeth Hasselcrack or that big tranny pony? The combination of the two is fucking frightening.

I'm definitely checking under my bed tonight for a Republican twat in pink or a big tranny pony.

Here's Hasselcrack, her daughters and big tranny pony at the premiere of "My Little Pony Live!" at Madison Square Garden tonight. Wait, you mean there's more of those big tranny ponies? Hold me.....