Rojo Caliente

Pinch with me with a nipple clamp! I think I'm dreaming. What are the chances we would get not one, but TWO Rojo Caliente sightings in less than a week?! The gayelle gods are shining down on us. If we see her a third time this week, I will give up the peen forever and become a full-fledged butchie who eats coochie for breakfast, lunch, dinner and all three snacks. I love you Rojo, but please stay inside the rest of the week and shut your shades. My no-no hole depends on this.

The rare Rojo sighting took place outside of a Rite-Aid in Venice, CA two days ago. I know you're assuming Mrs. Caliente is making "sicky icky poo" face, but she's not. This is what happened. When they were inside Rite-Aid, Cynthia, like she always does, got the intense urge to lick on Rojo's flaming carrot muffin. Cynthia's craving was so intense that she forgot to protect her tongue and she suffered the consequences! She's trying to stop the burning! I know it sounds like a stretch, but that's the gayelle's honest truth! If you can't stand the heat, don't eat Rojo's pussy.

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, my coffee tastes like rainbows, Home Depot has closed for the day and that's because there are new pictures of the ginger gayelle goddess known as ROJO CALIENTE! If the Internet suddenly crashes forever, that's okay, because I have my Rojo fix. I want to put on a pair of oversized pleated Dockers, slip into some Birkenstocks, drape a flannel shirt over my chest and then lay down next to these pictures for the rest of the afternoon.

I was praying to the lesbian gods above for some kind of Rojo sighting soon, because Christmas is coming and I'm in dire need of the perfect card. My head will fit perfectly on Cynthia Caliente's body. I thank her for wearing strapless, because my shoulders are my best feature. Although, I wish Cynthia would have helped me out by putting a green screen over her head. Oh well, she can remember that for the future.

The reclusive gayelle beauty made a rare appearance at HBO's Emmy party last night with her less-glamorous half. Rojo looked stunning in a suit from Big and Tall's exclusive black label.

Cynthia is the luckiest woman in the universe. Even Jennifer Coolidge can't believe her eyes! Yes, Jennifer, it's Rojo Caliente time!

These hags need to go back to the stable and only come out when they have Rojo Caliente with them. And by "hags" I mean Sarah Jessica Parker. Who told her that she had the right to dress up like Holly Golightly? More like Holly Gofugly. Or Holly Gogallopawayandonlycomebackwhenyouhaverojowithyou. Or Holly Gocleanyourfuckingdressbecausetheresjizzonit. Seriously, did SJP wear Matthew Broderick's Holly Golightly Halloween costume? That's the only reason I can think of on why there's man chowder all over it. Blame Nathan Lane. The queen doesn't know how to control his cum shots. Barf. And double barf.

SJP looked like something out of "Breakfast at the Corral" at the "Sex and the City" DVD launch party in NYC last night. Kim Cattrall brought her boy toy. And once again, Cynthia Nixon kept Rojo Caliente away from the cameras. Jealous ginge! The other bitch from SATC wasn't there for reasons unknown. I forgot her name. You know, the chick who busted her head on the pool at "Melrose Place." Yeah, that ho.

Here's more from the party last night. I added an overused and old picture of Rojo. Pretend it's new. Seeing Rojo's beautiful face has me singing "Where Are You Rojo?" to the tune of "Where Are You Christmas?"

Or at least tell me she's on the phone with Rojo Caliente!

It was a busy weekend for Rojo's other-half, Cynthia Nixon. Not only did she take part in the Komen Race for the Cure in NYC yesterday, but she also won an Emmy for her guest role on "Law & Order: SVU." Cynthia was everywhere this weekend, but Rojo Caliente was nowhere to be found! I spent at least 20-minutes searching for pictures of our beautiful gayelle goddess from this past weekend. I have ADD, so 20-minutes is a long time for me.

Sigh. I'll guess I must come to terms with the fact that Rojo is a rare creature. She's like a unicorn. You hardly see her, but when you do, it's magic. Wait. Mimi, I didn't mean Rojo is an actual unicorn! Quick! Stop Mimi before she heads to Brooklyn to capture Rojo!

Here's more pictures of Mrs. Rojo Caliente at Race for the Cure. The memaw behind her in the pink cap is really hot.

It's been 2-months since we've seen any new pictures of Rojo Caliente. A bright light in my life has been dark for nearly 2 fucking months! The other day, I was in Duane Reade and I kept staring at a "fun size" box of Hot Tamales. I wanted to run away with the box to Home Depot, where it would teach me how to use a power tool or some shit. A box of Hot Tamales isn't the same as Rojo Caliente, but I'm fucking desperate! Thankfully, a beloved reader named Erin fed my craving with this Rojo sighting:

I saw Rojo Caliente walking hand in hand with her less well known other today. Yeah, its NYC, so no biggie. However, I live in Inwood, all the way in upstate Manhattan, and there they were, walking on Park Terrace West at Isham St., where I live! The funny thing is that all I could think of was, “there is Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente. “ I can’t even remember Rojo’s other name! At any rate, I’m guessing they might be looking to buy a place up here, because it’s very trendy and very lovely. The only other possibility is that there was some kind of event up here in one of the parks.

Don't ask me how Erin didn't suffer third degree burns from being that close to Rojo! She didn't get any pictures, but I'll take what I can get! And if they're moving to Inwood, then Park Terrace West here I fucking come!

You know, I should run down to the police station right now. I'm sure Rojo is just pulling up to file a restraining order against me. I can't help it! I'm addicted to fire and I want to get burned!

The rare and reclusive gayelle beauty known as Rojo Caliente has finally graced us with her presence! It's been much too long and I was almost going to set up camp at Home Depot, hoping to run into her one day. It's a good thing I didn't do that, because Rojo is far away in Greece. Rojo goes international! On Tuesday night, Rojo and her woman, Cynthia Nixon, showed up to some Tommy Hillfiger party in Athens.

A Dlisted birdie also spotted Rojo and Cynthia in Mykonos a few days ago. Hmmm....I know what's going on here. Rojo is returning to her native home of the Isle of Lesbos. She is going there to fight the locals and regain her crown as the Empress of All Lesbos!

You know how the locals are suing a gay group to take back their Lesbian identity? Well, they better fill all their buckets up with water, because here comes Rojo Caliente! She's going to munch them one by one and soon their genitals will be putty in her mouth. The gayelle war of the century.

Here's some pics of Rojo, Cynthia, Tommy, Tommy's ho, Hugh Jackman and Hugh's memaw wife in Athens. Cynthia looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket. Actually, she probably did stick her finger in an electric hole belonging to.........ROJO CALIENTE! It burns....

Homos everywhere are flocking to California to get married, but Cynthia Nixon isn't one of those homos. Cynthia told the NYDN that she's not planning to make an honest ginge out of Rojo Caliente until gay marriage is legal in New York. She said, "In an ideal world, we'd like to do it in New York, when it becomes legalized. Hopefully, it won't take 20 years."

Somebody slap this bitch with a wet strap-on! Rojo Caliente isn't going to wait forever! I'm sure she has thousands of suitors knocking at her tool shed door, hoping she will put on a Men's Warehouse tuxedo and marry them in California! Cynthia better get on it! Rojo's fire bush won't always be there!

In other Rojo news, last week I posted a story about Cynthia reportedly getting her chichis done. Well, Cynthia has denied the story and fired back! She said, "I was at St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital for my 'three-monthly' checkup. I was in the Oncology Department. I guess they think that means 'plastic surgery. Yes, I had breast cancer, but I had a lumpectomy. Some women have reconstructive surgery, but mine did not merit that.

"The story was totally false. It would be annoying and disheartening in any case, but particularly because I've been so open about my breast cancer."

I knew that shit wasn't true. Rojo likes her women all-natural.

File this under: See it to believe it! Page Six claims Rojo Caliente's true love, Cynthia Nixon, went and got her titties done! A source said that soon after "Hags In The Shitty" came out, Cynthia and her co-star Kristin Davis checked into Roosevelt Hospital for a little work.

The source said, "Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed. They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week."

Yeah, who cares about Kristin! That ho could get a sex-change and I still wouldn't give a llama's nutsack.

Cynthia's spokeswhore denied she had any work done. And the woman did have breast cancer! Maybe her being in the hospital had something to do with that.

Besides, she doesn't need new chichis. Rojo loves motorboating her cherry tomatoes.

And this next dedication, goes out to Cynthia from a fire mountain of a woman who loves you "just the way you are."

Cynthia Nixon said that her hot ass girlfriend, Rojo Caliente, doesn't like wearing women's clothes. Errr...DUH! She's not a fucking drag queen. Cynthia said she tries to get Rojo to wear chick duds, but she's never had any luck.

She said, "She only wears men's clothes. She won't even wear any kind of women's shoes.
I bought her a pair of cowboy boots that were from a women's department, and she was like, 'Don't do this again.'"

I hope Rojo dick slapped Cynthia for making that mistake! Buying women's boots for Rojo is like buying condoms for Wonky McValtrex. It just doesn't make sense!

Cynthia should know that if it doesn't come from Men's Wearhouse, Rojo is not interested in rockin' it.

Source

Sarah Jessica Parker, CHECK! Kim Cattrall, CHECK! Kirsten Davis, CHECK! Jennifer Hudson, CHECK! Cynthia Nixon, CHECK! Rojo Caliente..... Rojo Caliente? Yup. No fucking Rojo Caliente aka Christina Marinoni aka Cynthia Nixon's hot ginge girlfriend! Can you believe this shit?

I almost didn't post any of these pictures, because what's the point? The only person I care about did not show her hot ass! The organizers of the "Sex and the City" premiere in NYC last night should have shut this shit down. It ain't a party without Rojo Caliente!

Maybe she's hiding under My Little Pony's space blanket dress? She got scared when she saw all these old hags together in one place. I don't blame her.

Anyway, here's all these old hookers in fugly dresses at the SATC NYC premiere last night. They all look like shit. Well, except for Cynthia. She looks beautiful, because she has the love of Rojo Caliente.