Rojo Caliente

The rare and reclusive gayelle beauty known as Rojo Caliente has finally graced us with her presence! It's been much too long and I was almost going to set up camp at Home Depot, hoping to run into her one day. It's a good thing I didn't do that, because Rojo is far away in Greece. Rojo goes international! On Tuesday night, Rojo and her woman, Cynthia Nixon, showed up to some Tommy Hillfiger party in Athens.

A Dlisted birdie also spotted Rojo and Cynthia in Mykonos a few days ago. Hmmm....I know what's going on here. Rojo is returning to her native home of the Isle of Lesbos. She is going there to fight the locals and regain her crown as the Empress of All Lesbos!

You know how the locals are suing a gay group to take back their Lesbian identity? Well, they better fill all their buckets up with water, because here comes Rojo Caliente! She's going to munch them one by one and soon their genitals will be putty in her mouth. The gayelle war of the century.

Here's some pics of Rojo, Cynthia, Tommy, Tommy's ho, Hugh Jackman and Hugh's memaw wife in Athens. Cynthia looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket. Actually, she probably did stick her finger in an electric hole belonging to.........ROJO CALIENTE! It burns....

Homos everywhere are flocking to California to get married, but Cynthia Nixon isn't one of those homos. Cynthia told the NYDN that she's not planning to make an honest ginge out of Rojo Caliente until gay marriage is legal in New York. She said, "In an ideal world, we'd like to do it in New York, when it becomes legalized. Hopefully, it won't take 20 years."

Somebody slap this bitch with a wet strap-on! Rojo Caliente isn't going to wait forever! I'm sure she has thousands of suitors knocking at her tool shed door, hoping she will put on a Men's Warehouse tuxedo and marry them in California! Cynthia better get on it! Rojo's fire bush won't always be there!

In other Rojo news, last week I posted a story about Cynthia reportedly getting her chichis done. Well, Cynthia has denied the story and fired back! She said, "I was at St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital for my 'three-monthly' checkup. I was in the Oncology Department. I guess they think that means 'plastic surgery. Yes, I had breast cancer, but I had a lumpectomy. Some women have reconstructive surgery, but mine did not merit that.

"The story was totally false. It would be annoying and disheartening in any case, but particularly because I've been so open about my breast cancer."

I knew that shit wasn't true. Rojo likes her women all-natural.

File this under: See it to believe it! Page Six claims Rojo Caliente's true love, Cynthia Nixon, went and got her titties done! A source said that soon after "Hags In The Shitty" came out, Cynthia and her co-star Kristin Davis checked into Roosevelt Hospital for a little work.

The source said, "Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed. They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week."

Yeah, who cares about Kristin! That ho could get a sex-change and I still wouldn't give a llama's nutsack.

Cynthia's spokeswhore denied she had any work done. And the woman did have breast cancer! Maybe her being in the hospital had something to do with that.

Besides, she doesn't need new chichis. Rojo loves motorboating her cherry tomatoes.

And this next dedication, goes out to Cynthia from a fire mountain of a woman who loves you "just the way you are."

Cynthia Nixon said that her hot ass girlfriend, Rojo Caliente, doesn't like wearing women's clothes. Errr...DUH! She's not a fucking drag queen. Cynthia said she tries to get Rojo to wear chick duds, but she's never had any luck.

She said, "She only wears men's clothes. She won't even wear any kind of women's shoes.
I bought her a pair of cowboy boots that were from a women's department, and she was like, 'Don't do this again.'"

I hope Rojo dick slapped Cynthia for making that mistake! Buying women's boots for Rojo is like buying condoms for Wonky McValtrex. It just doesn't make sense!

Cynthia should know that if it doesn't come from Men's Wearhouse, Rojo is not interested in rockin' it.

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Sarah Jessica Parker, CHECK! Kim Cattrall, CHECK! Kirsten Davis, CHECK! Jennifer Hudson, CHECK! Cynthia Nixon, CHECK! Rojo Caliente..... Rojo Caliente? Yup. No fucking Rojo Caliente aka Christina Marinoni aka Cynthia Nixon's hot ginge girlfriend! Can you believe this shit?

I almost didn't post any of these pictures, because what's the point? The only person I care about did not show her hot ass! The organizers of the "Sex and the City" premiere in NYC last night should have shut this shit down. It ain't a party without Rojo Caliente!

Maybe she's hiding under My Little Pony's space blanket dress? She got scared when she saw all these old hags together in one place. I don't blame her.

Anyway, here's all these old hookers in fugly dresses at the SATC NYC premiere last night. They all look like shit. Well, except for Cynthia. She looks beautiful, because she has the love of Rojo Caliente.

Scratch that. I meant, "4 saggy hags minus Cynthia, Kristin and Kim."

My Little Pony Parker looks like a ribbed condom. For here pleasure, of course. Kristin's dress looked better on Mamie Eisenhower. Cynthia is looking fucking hot. Drinking from the fountain of Rojo Caliente is doing good things for her skin. Rojo is totally a squirter. She should bottle that shit.

Here's 3 lovely ladies and one nasty hag at the German premiere of "Sex in the Shitty." Damn, they are working hard for this shit. My Little Pony is going to need a long rest after this. Hopefully, a long rest in a retirement home.

Cynthia Nixon said that she would love to marry her hot ass girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, when it's legal in New York state. Cynthia shot down rumors that she would marry Rojo Caliente in Vermont.

Cynthia told The Mirror, "It's something my girlfriend is interested in and it was not something my boyfriend ever was. I think that to get married to her would be a little act of rebellion. It's like if you've never had the vote and then you get it you're going to run out there and vote.”

She also said that she's never been in love with a woman before, , "I had been with men all my life and I had never met a woman I had fallen in love with before. But when I did, it didn't seem so strange. I don't define myself. I'm just a woman in love with another woman."

I've never been in love with a woman either, but I'm in love with Cynthia's man. Shit, I'll marry Rojo Caliente. I'll bake pies and she'll fix the cars and build me a backyard deck. The perfect relationship!

Cynthia Nixon recently said that she had breast cancer in 2006. Cynthia said she "beat" it after six-weeks of radiation. The experience has given Cynthia the desire to marry her hot bitch girlfriend of 3 years, Christine Marinoni.

The National Enquirer claims the two want to marry this Fall in Vermont. A source said, "Cynthia and Chris want a quiet autumn ceremony in Vermont under the red leaves. It's supposed to be a very low-key gathering, just for close friends and family." My invitation better be in the mail, because there's no way I want to miss this hot lesbian wedding. I'll buy them a wooden duck. Lesbians love wooden ducks.

The red leaves will look gorgeous against Rojo Caliente's skin. I'm not talking about Cynthia either. Rojo Caliente better order her tuxedo from Casual Male right now. That's going to be a special order.

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