Chichis

Lift up your shirt, and raise your tittays up in the air for Christina Hendricks (aka Joan from Mad Men)! Christina married fellow actor Geoffrey Arend at Il Buco restaurant in NYC yesterday. The two got engaged earlier this year.

When the officiant asked Geoffrey to give his vows, he probably started slobbering at the mouth and mumbled something about mammaries. The same thing happens to me too. Shit, I've had to re-write this post a dozen times, because all I want to write is: CHICHICHICHICHICHICHICHIIIIIS.

In all seriousness, congrats to Christina and the hobo she married. While the back of Christina's dress looks like origami gone wrong, her breasts of wonder look absolutely amazing as always.

Mimi and her Hello Titty balls came out to support Precious at the New York Film Festival this past weekend, but one of the movie's stars Mo'Nique was nowhere to be found. Yes, they even checked the Arby's down the street. Bitch wasn't there.

Precious is currently making the film festival rounds, and many critics think the movie will get several Oscar nominations including Best Picture, Best Actress for Gabby Sidibe (the girl in the purple below) and Best Supporting Actress for Mo'Nique. You'd think that since there's talk of Mo'Nique possibly getting the golden Oscar dildo (you know that's what Kevin Spacey uses his for) for this, she'd be out there whorin' it up. But Mo'Nique has been missing from nearly every promotional event for Precious. Some say that by Mo'Nique not playing the game, she's ruining her Oscar chances.

The New York Daily News says that Mo'Nique is refusing to pimp out the movie and her own performance for free. Mo'Nique is reportedly demanding a $100,000 appearance fee, even though the likes of Mimi and Lenny Kravitz (who are both in that shit) haven't asked for a dime. A source said, "Mo'Nique said she signed on to do this film for a small amount of money. She said she didn't care about 'no Oscar' - all that mattered was 'those Benjamins!' Because Oprah and Tyler Perry are backing the film, she feels as though there should be a budget to pay for her promotional duties."

Mo'Nique responded to the claims by saying, "When people say, 'You care more about money than winning an Oscar,' well, what does an Oscar mean? An Oscar means more work when you win it, and that means more money! I couldn't eat that Oscar. Everybody needs money, baby. That's how we survive, right?"

Mo'Nique is selling her eating skills short! I'm sure she could eat that thing if she wrapped it in puff pastry and poured nacho cheese sauce on top! But seriously, I can't hate on a bitch who says "it's all about those Benjamins." Those are the truest words ever spoken. GIT THAT MONEY!

That being said, somebody should really tell Mo'Nique about a little service called Cash4Gold! Imagine what they'd give her for an Oscar (SPOILER ALERT: Probably two rolls of quarters and a $20 gift certificate to Fingerhut)?!

Christina Hendricks' fiance wakes up to her magnificent chichis every single morning, but they still manage to knock the wind out of him every time he sees them. MAN DOWN! You can't put any blame on him, because looking at Christina's mounds of wonder really is a spiritual experience. Really, I see the face of Jesus, God, Buddha, Allah and the Brangie twin messiahs whenever I look at them.

I'm gayer than the Disney Channel and I would give up my left ass lip (it's kind of limp anyway) to spend the rest of my days motorboating on Christina's Lake Chichis.

Here's more pictures of Christina's holy tittay balls at the Emmys last night. I also threw in some pictures of the rest of the Mad Men cast, because they won Best Dramz.

Somebody get on the phone to Chris Nolan and tell him that if Catwoman is in the next Batman movie, Aretha Franklin is just woman for the JOB! The chichi queen stepped out in NYC last night wearing cat print from head to cankles.

Really, if this isn't the new Catchichis, I don't know who is. Actually, Queen Aretha is better than Catwoman! She doesn't need some stupid leather whip to defend herself with. Queen Aretha subdues her enemies with the giant link of sausages she always keeps hidden in between her mounds of wonder. And Queen Aretha can meow without even opening her mouth. Whenever Aretha glides across a room, her nipples meow like ten dozen cats in heat. Pounce at 'em, Aretha!

The current VP of the Magnificent Chichis Alliance, Salma Hayek, went to the the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles on Wednesday night all ready to get her eat on, but the restaurant's hostess tried to block her from feeding her hunger. BITCH HONGRAY! According to Radar, Salma showed up with a few friends and without a reservation. When the hostess told Salma that she didn't have a table for them, the chichis hit the floor!

Apparently, a hurricane of Spanish words came pouring out of Salma's mouth. The hostess tried to calm Salma down by telling her she could have the next available table, but that still didn't stop her. When Salma's girlfriends finally told her to turn it off, she cooled down a bit and started bitching in English. Salma only stopped when the hostess finally seated them.

Salma, that's why you stop at McDonald's for an appetizer before you get to the restaurant! When the hostess at IHOP hands me one of those stupid vibrating pagers and tells me to wait, I simply stick a fry in my mouth hole to keep from bitching her ass out for keeping me from delicious pancakes.

And I bet Salma's chichis of wonder look amaaaaaaazing when she gets mad. Like two volcanos ready to BURST FORTH! I'm surprised her heaving angry bosom didn't knock out one of the hostess' eyes.

UPDATE: Salma's rep says this story is made out of LIES!!!!!!!!!

Titty time! So there's a few pictures going around that is supposedly Vanessa Hudgens with her Disney balloons out again. Yes, Vanessa Hudgens does this sort of thing, but how else is she supposed to pass her time while Zac Efron spends hours in the bathroom partaking in a little bronzer bukkake? I mean, she has a camera phone and she has tittays, so why not! Although, I do feel like I've seen more of her nipples than Zac Efron has. Actually, I probably have. Technically.

If Zac sees these new pictures of Vanessa's Mickey Mouse ears, he'll have the giggles for hours.

Anyway, (NSFW) CLICK HERE to see a few pictures of what might be Vanessa Hudgens doing it Disney-style. Git it, bitch! Make Donald Duck's beak puckah!

UPDATE: Image and link removed and replaced with a picture of her sessy ass father.

Cock robber and icon to all mega sluts with zero morals (I bow down), Sienna Miller, said that she almost lost her saggies on the set of G.I. Joe. when a fire ball got a little to close to them.

During a press conference for the movie in Sydney, Sienna said, "Luckily it wasn't my breasts, it was the bit in-between. It got a bit burnt when an explosion got a bit close."

I wonder if Balthazar Getty's wife worked in the explosions department on G.I. Joe? But what I really want to know is, how did her titty alley get burned a little, but her nipples still lived to the tale? Hmmmm. Something in the milk ain't! Maybe the truth is that Prince Hot Ginge tried to chichi fuck her and she couldn't take the heat?

Rub my chest with SPF INFINITY, keep the fire extinguisher close and come at me, Hot Ginge!

Image: Bauer Griffin

BAM! If you weren't temporarily knocked out by these gigantic Tupperware titty bowls, then you'll see that they are attached to Katie Price. Bitch came out in a big way to Michelle Heaton's birthday party last night in London. For chichi real. My nipples would be growling in anger if I was Michelle Heaton. It's supposed to be her time and here comes Katie's spotlight breaking tittttttays (so big they need extra Ts). It looks like she's smuggling two Harveys underneath there!

The child beauty pageant contestant Katie stole that dress from is going to be pissed when she gets it back all stretched out and shit.

Amber Finney's chichis were the co-stars of the video that made the internet rounds last week and she's explaining why she had a babeh squirrel down her shirt. The video was taken by Warren, Ohio detectives during an interview with Amber about a drive-by shooting she might have witnessed.

Amber says the explanation is simple. A friend brought her an injured baby squirrel right before she was scheduled to meet with the cops. Amber didn't want to leave it alone, so she stuffed it right between her titty cleavage. I guess she felt that dying of suffocation or embarrassment was better than chilling out in a big, airy shoe box.

Amber went on to explain, "It had a broken leg, and I didn't want to leave him alone. You can't take animals into the jail, and it was the only place I could put him.'' Amber's chocha den was already occupied by a family of beavers and they had just extended their lease.

So basically Amber is just a regular St. Francis of Assisi. More like St. Francis of Chichis.

When the squirrel jumped out during her interview with Detective Mackey, Amber put him back in and kept on like some weird shit just didn't go down. Amber was afraid she would get in trouble, but Detective Mackey didn't say anything. Detective Mackey explained, "She didn't acknowledge it, so I didn't. I didn't know if I would embarrass her or what.''

At first, Amber was madder than fish grease and threatened to sue the cops, but now she's loving all the attention. Expect a Vh1 reality show starring Amber's titty balls and a bunch of slutty, drunk squirrels in 3...2...

Amber says the baby squirrel is no longer taking up space in her cleavage. She released it back into the wild. Poor squirrel is never going to be the same. When he sees a pair of plumpy bitties, he's going to go into shock and have the same reaction as this hot bitch on Maury. Never be the same again.

Squirrels usually pop out of panties, but I've never heard of one popping out of a ho's cleavage before. The cops in Ohio were interrogating a bitch about a murder when a furry friend jumped out to say "Heeeeeelp me." The lady didn't miss a beat and popped that squirrel back in like she was playing a game of Whack-A-Mole.

The police aren't sure what the deal is with the squirrel and they didn't ask. FOR WHY?! This is a question you ask! If a fucking squirrel jumps out of a person's shirt, you ask that bitch where it came from. I mean, maybe the mommy squirrel was in between her nalgas and the daddy squirrel was chilling out under her fopa.

You know Aretha Franklin is snorting at this, because she probably has a whole petting zoo in between her magnificent chichis.

P.S. - That squirrel is definitely not happy.

VIA Buzzfeed