Marky Mark

The past few days have been a little quiet on the BABY!!!! front, so it was nice of Marky Mark to help fill the celebrity baby quota for the week. UsWeekly reports that Marky's wife-to-be, Rhea Durham, had a baby boy this past Tuesday in Los Angeles. A name hasn't been released.

What is with these celebrities and not releasing their new baby's name?! I mean, Jason Lee still hasn't told us what he named his newborn daughter and I've been waiting like a crazy person! The nerve.

Hopefully, Marky used his fiancee's last name on the birth certificate and called their son Bull. Bull Durham. Or if they insist on using Marky's last name, they should name him Wah Wah. Wah Wah Wahlberg. Knowing these two lumps of oatmeal, they are going to name him something extra generic and boring like Michael. And yes, they already have a son named Michael. But what's another Michael? You know, because there just aren't enough Michaels.

For real, growing up with the name Michael is some confusing shit. As a young homo child, there were always at least 2 other Michaels in all of my classes. Teachers starting calling me Michael K, because they got sick of all of us turning our heads around every time we heard the name "Michael." I don't even bother turning around when I hear my name anymore. It's usually someone else. If you ever see me walking down the street, don't say my name to get my attention. Just call me a "dumb bitch." I usually answer to that.

It's impossible for me to post about Marky Mark without using a picture from his old days. I know Marky wants to pretend those days never happened, but we still must never forget. I bet that dog in the picture sleeps with those panties he stole from the shoot. Even the dog can't forget Marky's glory days.

So.... Marky Mark lives near Posh and Becks in Los Angeles. He wants them to get the fuck out of his neighborhood because of the paparazzi attention that follows them. When asked if he has ever met Becks, he said, "No, but that fucker lives down the road from me, man! He has to go back to the UK, because he has the paparazzi all over my house. I was in the UK for the last week and they don't want him back there. They said, 'Keep him over there!'"

Hmmm...Los Angeles doesn't want Posh & Becks and the UK doesn't want them either. I wonder how Santey Claus feels about them? I hear the weather at the North Pole is glorious this time of year. Seriously, Marky lives in fucking Los Angeles. He needs to take off his clothes, put on his Calvins, shut the fuck up and chill.

Here's Marky at "The Happening" premiere in NYC last night with Zooey Deschanel and Mischa Barton. Note to producers: If nobody wants to come to your film premiere, invite Mischa. The saggy bitch goes to anything!

Marky Mark and his fiance of 4 years, Rhea Durham, are expecting their third baby. Dang! Why won't he marry the girl already. Rhea will pop out a baby this fall. They have a daughter, Ella Rae, and a son, Michael.

A friend of Marky Mark's told OK!, "Mark is thrilled to be having another baby. He is an amazing dad, and his two children are his world. He always used to joke about wanting at least a dozen kids, but it looks like he wasn't joking after all."

Basically I just wanted to post this picture of Marky Mark from the 90s. This shit was a huge part of my adolescence. Many hours were spent in the bathroom....I'll stop.

Bonus! Here's video of a dog trying to rip off Marky's panties for a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz back in the day. He used to be such a tool. He was the kind of dude that would start putting his pants on immediately after busting one on you. Swooooooon!