Too Much Information

Oh, how I wish this was a promo shot for Crypt Karl's new pop group. Unfortunately, it's not. Karl somehow found himself in between a trio of sloppy camel toes at the premiere of Totally Spies in Paris last night.

If Karl's organs still worked, he probably would have busted an artery over having to pose with these three BBCT (big beautiful camel toes). Now, it's not the giant toes that bother Karl, it's the fact that they are so sloppy and fat! After these pictures were taken, Karl probably yelled at the puss bulges and told them to "lose ze weight." The poor fatty toes probably ran to the nearest toilet to barf, because Karl gave them such a complex. They won't eat sausage for weeks! Leave it to Karl to make a vagina bulimic and anorexic. Pussyrexic!

After all these years, Marilyn Manson is still saying shit that sounds like it came directly from the MySpace journal of an angsty 14-year-old Emo kid. Marilyn's words of creepiness used to make my soul weep like Michelle Duggar's uterus, but now I just shrug and say, "That's Mari!" Which leads us to an interview Marilyn did with Spin Magazine. Marilyn talks about how his break-up with Evan Rachel Wood left him so sad-like that he cut himself up and still dreams about hitting her in the head with a Peter Gabriel song.

Marilyn said, "I sing about it on 'Into the Fire.' I say, 'If you want to hit bottom, don't bother trying to take me with you.' My lowest point was Christmas Day 2008, because I didn't speak to my family. My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that's a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day -- I called 158 times -- I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands."

"I look back and it was a really stupid thing to do. This was intentional, this was a scarification, and this was like a tattoo. I wanted to show her the pain she put me through. It was like, 'I want you to physically see what you've done.' It sounds made up but it's completely true and I don't give a shit if people believe it or not. I've got the scars to prove it. I didn't want people to ask me every time I did an interview, 'Oh, is this record about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend?' But that damage is part of it, and the song 'I Want to Kill You Like They Do in The Movies' is about my fantasies. I have fantasies every day about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer."

Doesn't that just sound like something you'd find on the t-shirt in a clearance bin at Hot Topic?

At least Marilyn isn't cutting up his beautiful face anymore. That's not good. By the looks of him today (see above if you haven't already been blinded), it looks like the only thing he's been cutting up lately is pie. And really, that's a good thing. Don't cut your face, cut up a pie instead!

Earlier this week, a sparkly lightning bolt hit the internet and I don't think it will ever be the same. Spectacular from Pretty Ricky popped out the baby oil, slathered himself down, slipped into a pair of sexy red panties from the Mervyn's close-out sale and gyrated like someone put a q-tip in his ass. The purpose: Spectacular had nothing else better to do so he challenged other R&B singers to a grind-off.

After a bunch of commenters said he looked like one of the glittery gays of YouTube, Spectacular responded to MTV, "Everybody knows I'm not gay. Them little tight man drawers ... I bought 'em to show off my cuts in my stomach. I wanted to show off my body. The underwear was for the ladies."

What ladies is he speaking of? The only hos I know who would bust panty pudding over this video have grey hair, wear Geoffrey Beene shirts buttoned all the way, spend their free time "just strolling" around truck stop bathrooms, have no less than 6 webcams in their home and go by the name Bob. For the record, Bob has a penis and not a vagina.

Spectacular should've just said, "I'm just here for comedy relief!" Speaking of RELIEF, feast your eyes on this hot churning tub of butter who responded to Spectacular's challenge.

A couple of birthdays ago, I made a wish that before I die I'd like to receive a face dance from Aretha Franklin's magnificent chichis. This is the closest I will ever get to that wish coming true, so I thank Keith for this. Now make that butter, because the bread is dry!

When someone asks you a question, you don't always have to tell the whole truth. A simple "Mind your own fucking business" or "Rojo Caliente" (that works for everything) would suffice. Shia obviously hasn't mastered that art, because when Playboy asked him about who he thinks the sexiest woman is, he pulled out this little nugget from his back pocket:

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."

While I completely agree with Shia that his mother is indeed the sexiest panty-creaming bitch in the Greater Los Angeles area, I think he should've saved this sucioness for his therapist....or his dealer...or his nightmares. Because now I can't look at pictures of them without thinking Shia wants to get on that. Thank you for that, Shia.

VIA Star Magazine

Blender Magazine asked the tough questions to Kelly Clarkson. They asked her if she goes pee pee while washing herself in the shower. Kelly's answer? "Anybody who says they don’t pee in the shower is lying.”

Kelly is right. We all do it. Don't. Don't lie. Don't. We all do. I mean, you're standing there and the showerhead is raining on you. Your pee hole gets a little jealous, so it starts raining too. Everyone gets in on the fun and there's smiles everywhere!

I even get a sick satisfaction imagining my pee running down the drain, traveling through the pipes and pouring back out through another showhead on some random bitch's face. It's like we're all doing golden showers to each other. Sucio ass bitches. The lot of us!

P.S. - That Lady CaCa quote makes me want to vom, shit and piss in the shower.

VIA OK! Magazine

When the world's fattest dude, Manuel Uribe, got married to Claudia Solis last month in Mexico, my gutter trash mind immediately created pictures of how the two crazy kids spent their wedding night. I figured Claudia poured some guacamole and hot sauce on her cooze and Manuel had himself an all-you-can-eat fish taco midnight dinner.

Well, according to the Daily Star it didn't really go down like that. Manuel's friends really wanted him to bust a load of heavy cream (he really cums heavy cream) on his wedding night, so they made him a special sex ramp inspired by Liberator. The three-foot ramp is reinforced with concrete and what's ever in Posh's tits. Manuel just has to lay his lower half on the ramp, so that Claudia has easy access to ride his chorizo until she gets hers or until his heart calls "time out."

Manuel confirmed the joyous news to the Daily Star, “We have finally had sex and we are a true couple in the eyes of God. We feel like we are in heaven here on Earth.”

Claudia better fuck in moderation. Every time Manuel busts one inside her, she gains 5lbs.

And when Manuel loses all the weight, they can donate their sex toy to the city to be used as a highway on-ramp!

Thanks jazzfish_77

In 1988, when Felicity Huffman replaced Vadge in "Speed-the-Plow" on Broadway, she found a thong in her dressing room. That shit belonged to Vadge. So what did Felicity do? She tried them on. She told More Magazine, "Of course, it didn't fit me."

Hell no! I've seen all kind of shit in other people's panties before. Shit being the key word. There is no way I'd ever expose my pure and innocent genitals to that kind of fuckery. And can you imagine what kind of panty pudding Vadge produces? Tapioca with walnuts!

VIA People

Thanks Kris

Actually, I should've titled this TMI.

Mini-Me's sexy tape co-star gave an interview to the MJ Morning Show today. She didn't really say much, but they did manage to ask her about Mini-Me's wang bone. I've been obsessed with knowing what Mini-Me's peen is like. Yes, I've scheduled a therapy session for next week to discuss these issues of mine.

When asked about it, Ranae said, "As previously reported on other interviews made by him, it is definitely not a tripod." MJ responded, "You're saying he's proportionate for a man of 2'8"?" Ranae said yes.

That means his mini-peter is about the size of one of my fingers. DAMN! How the hell did she feel that shit?! That's not even funny. He would have to stick his whole head up in there and scream at the top of his toddler lungs for me to feel a thing.

That means this sick ass video a lot of you whores have been sending me isn't Mini-Me. DO NOT Click here to see this very NSFL video. DO NOT CLICK. Unless you enjoy seeing little people getting their salad tossed, don't click!

And click here to listen to Ranae's entire interview with the MJ Morning Show.

Since today is obviously "dirty ass" day at Dlisted, here's a related quote from Jack Black. Jack talked about all the ways he used entertain himself as a child.

"I also put Coco Pops in my butt. Why? For comedy and experiment. I was a scientist and I discovered you could put a lot of them up your butt."

My stomach doesn't even want to know what he did with those Coco Pops after they fell out of his ass. Fudge coated Coco Pops! I'm sure there's still a few up in there. Snap! Crackle! Poop! Oh wait, that's Cocoa Krispies. He probably stuck those up there too.

Source VIA ONTD

Got Milk? ads must end! I seriously do not need to know what Martha Stewart's face looked like after prison bukkake. It's not a good thing.

They need to get people that actually look natural with jizzstaches. I'm thinking Clay Gayken, Wonky McValtrex, Gay Al and Daisy Duck. Daisy Duck is a Disney creation which means she's a tramp which means she loves bukkake.

And who the hell drinks milk straight up anymore? It gives me the ass leaks. Yes, more than usual! Shut your damn hole!

Source: ONTD