Sadness

I am like a puddle on the floor after seeing this picture of a fireman giving some water to a parched koala bear. Look at the koala's little tongue! And the koala's paw on the fireman's hand! The koala is so polite and so thankful! Like a little person! This makes me want to truckjack a Sparklett's water truck and drive through the ocean to Australia.

The koala friend was rescued by firefighters after it was found roaming a burned up forest 90 miles from Melbourne. The koala friend had burnt paws, but she's doing better now and will hopefully be released back into the wild in about 5 months. I wish it would be released into my arms in 5 months instead. But wait. Do they scratch at human faces? If so, I'll just "awww" from afar.

Also, friends and other have been sending me links on where to donate whatever you can to the victims and animal friends of the Victoria bushfires, so I'm passing that info on to you. Here's where you can drop some cash to help:

The Red Cross of Australia
Wildlife Victoria
RSPCA Victoria
The Salvation Army of Australia

When I was a kid, the only soap opera I regularly kept up with was One Life to Live. I recorded that shit on VHS tapes and watched it when I got home from school. That's dedication, because recording crap on VHS tapes was not fun or pretty. Well, anyone that has watched OLTL knows about the legendary Phil Carey who played Asa, the patriarch of the Buchanan family. He was the billionaire pepaw of my dreams! And now he's dead! Soap Central reports that Phil passed away at the age of 83 sometime this weekend. No cause of death was given, but Phil was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2006 and underwent chemotherapy.

Phil starting playing Asa in 1980 until 2007. After that, he came the show to do several cameos. Asa was known for his ten million marriages, Well, 14 to be exact. 14 to 10 different bitches. Renee Divine was always my favorite wife. If any two people on this planet belonged together, it was Asa and Renee!

Rest in peace, Phil.... Llanview and the rest of the world won't be the same without you!

Lux Interior, the lead singer of the legendary The Cramps, left all of us yesterday morning at the age of 62. Lux's publicist said he died of a pre-existing heart condition in a hospital in Glendale, CA. And with this news, my rockabilly chola cousin just called in a "mental health day."

Lux founded The Cramps with his wife Poison Ivy back in 1973. It didn't take long for them to become the shit in NYC's punk scene. From there, they took over the world (including an episode of fucking Beverly Hills 90210)! Lux and Poison Ivy were the only members who stayed with the band from beginning to end.

Lux and Poison were married for 37 years. That's like a eleventy lifetimes in Punk years.

Rest in peace, Lux..... Let's all get fucked up in his honor!

The times that I did catch Jimmy Kimmel on TV, the one on that show that made me laugh the most was Veatrice Rice, one of the security guards. I can appreciate a woman with a filthy mouth that not even a Mr. Clean eraser can wash out.

Veatrice went off to heaven on Wednesday after battling cancer. Last night, Jimmy played the tribute video above for her. It gave me the sads, but then Veatrice said "cheese penis" and I got happy thinking of her cursing out the angels up there.

Rest in peace, Veatrice....

VIA ONTD

Ricardo Montalban has gone off to the Fantasy Island called heaven at the age 88. Radar reports that he passed away from natural causes at his home called Casa Montalban in Los Angeles at 6:30am this morning.

Ricardo's wife of 63 years just passed away last year. Ricardo's son-in-law told Radar that he was with his daughter and nurses at the time of his death.

I will forever love Ricardo for giving me the gift of Khan in Star Trek II. Amazingly hot. Click here to see a picture of him in that. The Academy should give him an honorary award this year for that performance alone.

Rest in peace, Ricardo... Now you can be with Tattoo forever!

Shitty news for a Friday afternoon. Patrick Swayze was hospitalized for pneumonia. Ugh. I hate pneumonia. I even hate the name.

Patrick was scheduled to attend an event at the Television Critics Association in Los Angeles today for his new show The Beast. A&E's president told reporters, "Patrick Swayze has checked himself into the hospital. However, he asked us specifically to go forward with today's panel. We wish him the very best with his recovery."

Patrick, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, recently told Barbara Walters in an interview that he's going through hell. And now this. 2009 was supposed to be better.

Send a million and more good thoughts to Patrick....

Buddy Lembeck from Charles in Charge and Tommy Bradford from Eight is Enough said farewell to this world of heartbreak and tears and tried to do himself in! Thankfully, he didn't go through with it. And because I know you're thinking it, that extremely sexy hot outfit is safe too. I'm going to look for that exact pattern at JoAnne this weekend. I'm gonna do mine up in royal blue with neon yellow trim.

So why did Willie want to leave us early? Well, his wife of 22 years, Maylo Upton (hot name, right?), left his ass and filed for divorce. Willie hasn't made any cash since Celebrity Fit Club, so he had to declare bankruptcy. And his car got repossessed. Put all those three together and there you have Willie's reason.

Willie told Star Magazine, "I stole a bottle of Jack Daniel's from the guy I was renting the room from," Willie tells Star in an exclusive interview. I'd been sober for 20 years when I took that first drink. I was also taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills. It got so bad, I put a knife to my throat and cut myself in six places. The police came, put me in handcuffs and whisked me away. I was completely devastated... I kept asking, 'What did I do wrong?'"

Willie was thrown into the loony bin at USC and with their help he's trying to crawl back out from his black hole.

Forever jolly Buddy Lembeck in the psych ward?! Sads.

Where is Scott Baio when you need him, because it sounds like Charles needs to be in charge of Buddy Lembeck. "I waaaaant Charles in charge of me!" And because that song is now stuck in my head for the rest of tonight, watch this so that you can join me:

At least I was respectful and didn't call him the First Pussy! Besides, we all know who the real First Pussy is. Stop! Now is not the time for my fuckery. We must mourn the passing of the second greatest member of the Bush family (Barney is the first, sorry).

The White House website says that the Bush's 18-year-old cat India passed away yesterday at home. India was given to Barbara when she was 9. India stayed with George and Laura when Barbara went off to college.

The family also called India "Willie" and "Kitty." Okay, she must have died from confusion, because they kept calling her ass all these different names! I'm joking again and now is not the time. I'll stop. But seriously, you know that evil Barney has something to do with this!

Rest in peace, India/Willie/Kitty......

Source

I am a zillion light years late with this, but I was traveling back from California to NYC for most of today. I know I just disappeared. I figured I'd write a note to you bitches in the terminal, but Long Beach Airport's janky ass internet was not cooperating, so I had to nix it. But here's the story. Skip it if you've heard it a million times already.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston's 16-year-old son, Jett, died in the Bahamas while he was on vacation with his family. Jett was last seen going into the bathroom in one his family's suites at the Old Bahama Bay Hotel last night. His body wasn't discovered until 10 this morning by his caretaker, Jeff Michael Kathrein. Jeff is the blondie in the picture below and he was also caught kissing on John Travolta back in 2006.

TMZ says that the police report states Jett suffered a seizure and hit his head on the bathtub. John's attorney said his son died at the scene after attempts to revive him were unsuccessful. His attorney also said that Jett had a history of seizures.

There were rumors that Jett was Autistic, but John has always denied this and even threatened to sue over it. John said Jett had Kawasaki Syndrome, a disorder that can lead to heart disease. Kelly Preston later blamed household cleaners for all of Jett's health problems. She said one of L. Ron Hubbard's detoxification programs helped Jett.

An autopsy is being performed on Jett to find the exact cause of death.

I'll admit that when I first heard about this, the word "Scientology" came at me in big evil letters, but we won't know anything until the autopsy. When I was on the plane, the women behind me were watching this story on Larry King and totally saying all this crazy shit. People were totally giving them the side-eye. They should've wrote this post. All I know is that this sad all around and I will leave it at that.

FUCK! Not today! This really did ruin my Christmas. Eartha Kitt, legend and icon, passed away today in NYC at the age of 81. On Christmas Day! She was seriously the best Catwoman ever.

Her publicist told CNN that Eartha was receiving treatment for colon cancer at hospital in New York. Her daughter, Kitt Shapiro, was by her side at the time of her death.

Eartha is survived by her daughter and four grandchildren.

Rest in peace, Eartha... You will always be perfect! And since it's Christmas, here's Eartha singing my favorite Christmas song. Eartha sang the original and nobody will ever be able to top her. I got the sads in a major way now.