Moobs

Jeremy Piven needs to go back to the first grade so he can learn all about The Food Chart again, because dude does not know how to balance his diet. Jeremy already claims that eating too many sea kittens gave him Mercury Poisining. Now he's saying that drinking massive amounts of soy milk has given him a pair of luscious moobs.

Jeremy told STV (via Digital Spy), "I was the guy that dabbled in soya milk, but now I've found out soya milk has enough estrogen for me to grow breasts, I had to put the soya milk down. It was a very confusing time."

It's strange to me that Jeremy Piven would NOT want a pair of delectable titty sacks. I mean, that way he could grope a pair of breasts without being slapped or having to put a few hundred dollars on the nightstand. I don't believe he put down the soy milk.

You just know that Jeremy is secretly giving himself soy leche enemas and bathing in it whenever he can. Jeremy has found the FOUNTAIN OF CHICHIS and he's going to take complete advantage of it.

In other news, Christina Hendricks has just been announced as the official spokeschichis for soy milk.

Since Jon Grosselin doesn't have a regular paying gig anymore, he's hitting the ho stroll harder than. Jon's first stop on the journey to relevancy was Millions of Famewhores in Los Angeles where he made a signature milkshake. The words "Jon Gosslin milkshake" should never ever be allowed to stand next to each other. Millions of Milkshakes should get an F from the health department just for having that shit on the menu.

I'm guessing a Grosselin shake consists of: Ed Hardy's European beer, foam from the mouth of Kate's rabid possum head, three dry hairs from Hailey Glassman's meth brows, Michael Lohan's enema water, Jon's undertitty jam, a dozen rotten walnuts, a cup of lukewarm lard, and the tears of ten TLC executives.

And so much for everything I ate today fully digesting, because it's all about to come pouring out of my ear, nose and mouth holes thanks to this picture of Jon Grosselin and Meth Brows doing a disgustingly horrific act together! This is a cruel act against humanity! Where is a rabid possum with a thirst for meth brows and douche dough when you need one?! We need to call our congressmen about this fuckery.

You know Jon and Methy only posed for Radar to shoot down the rumors that they are no longer bumping titties in between his Ed Hardy satin sheets. Okay, you two twats win. You're still together. We surrender. Now please don't ever do that shit again in public.

If you're feeling masochistic, you can go on over to Radar to see even more pictures. If I were you, I'd consult my physician before, because this shit will make you ill.

Earlier this week, a sparkly lightning bolt hit the internet and I don't think it will ever be the same. Spectacular from Pretty Ricky popped out the baby oil, slathered himself down, slipped into a pair of sexy red panties from the Mervyn's close-out sale and gyrated like someone put a q-tip in his ass. The purpose: Spectacular had nothing else better to do so he challenged other R&B singers to a grind-off.

After a bunch of commenters said he looked like one of the glittery gays of YouTube, Spectacular responded to MTV, "Everybody knows I'm not gay. Them little tight man drawers ... I bought 'em to show off my cuts in my stomach. I wanted to show off my body. The underwear was for the ladies."

What ladies is he speaking of? The only hos I know who would bust panty pudding over this video have grey hair, wear Geoffrey Beene shirts buttoned all the way, spend their free time "just strolling" around truck stop bathrooms, have no less than 6 webcams in their home and go by the name Bob. For the record, Bob has a penis and not a vagina.

Spectacular should've just said, "I'm just here for comedy relief!" Speaking of RELIEF, feast your eyes on this hot churning tub of butter who responded to Spectacular's challenge.

A couple of birthdays ago, I made a wish that before I die I'd like to receive a face dance from Aretha Franklin's magnificent chichis. This is the closest I will ever get to that wish coming true, so I thank Keith for this. Now make that butter, because the bread is dry!

There's nothing better than a boozy pepaw sexing it up in a black speedo. Actually, yeah there is. A boozy pepaw sexing it up in a black speedo while trying to put his pants on as a shirt is even better. The bitches around his ass agree with me. Those whores are having the time of their lives. Even a little boy runs by recording this mess on his phone. They are all acting like this shit has never happened to them. It happens to everyone! Right?

One time I was at some trick's house, wasted out of my brains. If you put a Brethalyzer near my asshole, I would've farted a 1.2 or more. Drunk. Well, when fucky times was over, I started to put myself together for the 4am walk of shame. Getting dressed while drunk is never easy, especially when it's at some strange whore's apartment. It's confusing!

After about a minute or two of trying to get dressed, the mofo started laughing hysterically. I thought to myself, "It's just a growth. Get over it." But quickly realized that I was putting on my pants as a shirt just like the sexy pepaw above. I told the whore to shut the hell up and then said, "It also doubles as a shrug, you dumbass."

That's exactly what this sexy pepaw should've done. Worn that shit as a shrug and stomped off. Some people really don't understand fashion.

Source VIA Buzzfeed

Look at those furry titty balls! It's a good thing Jesse Metcalfe didn't cover up his bodacious chichis with a bra top. That way we can see them in all their glory. I just wish we could see those moobies in action. I bet they touch the sky when he bounces up and down.

Don't you just want to stick your face in his tig ol' bitties!? Or you can stick your bottle of Bud in between them while you give him a belly raspberry. I bet they even lactate! Leche fountain!

Bitch can go back to Desperate Houswives and work as Eva LongWHORIA's chichi double if he ever needs the money.

And Jesse's jugs o' plenty almost distract from his tattoos courtesy of Summer's Eve.

Simon Cowell's luscious fur titties will keep you cozy and warm while I'm away for a bit. I have to drag my ass onto a plane to fly back to my homeland of California for that Christmas thing. Yes, I will be back with my native people, eating In-N-Out all night and sitting in traffic all day. So there won't be anymore new posts for a few hours while I'm flying high (in more ways than one).

Right after I get off the plane, I have to run my ass over to Rite Aid to find a bunch of crap to pass off as Christmas gifts, because I still haven't bought shit! Then I will skip over to In-N-Out, make dirty love to a double double and then I will post some more!

In the meantime, cuddle into Simon's chichis while he gives you a ride on his jet ski in Barbados. I shall return. And Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and everything else!

I have so many questions about these moob holders from Japan. They have obviously been watching "Seinfeld." It's The Bro!

First of all, the dude in the ad doesn't even want to wear one. He's covering his chesticles in fear. Second of all, this is a fetish thing, right? Third of all, these are basically just women's bras put on manly mannequins. Fourth of all, I really, really love the Japanese.

This shit is almost better than The Manpon!

What about the sexy hunk sleeping behind him?! That's who the paps should be shooting. Wait...maybe the dude is dead. Naw, he's just taking a little kitten nap on those luscious chichis of his. Matt Dillon is too vain to realize the raw hotness behind him.

I also can't tell if Matt has pecs or moobs underneath that shirt. Either way, I'd still motorboat.

Here's Matt and sleepy sexy hunk in NYC the other day.

The Hoff looks like shit! He should be laying down in a hospital bed with an IV in his arm not eating sushi at Coachella! The Hoff was actually in a hospital bed of a few days ago. He was in the hospital, because an open wound in his eyes began bleeding. Eye lift gone wrong!

His tit sweat in the pictures below look like two little alien eyes. Tom Cruise would totally lick that up. I've also thrown in some pictures of that hot bitch Janice Dickinson Steven Tyler.