Twit And Twat

Heidi Montag reportedly pulled out of the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, because MSNBC refused to pay for Spencer's first-class plane ticket. Well, the two douchebags made it after all! George Bush was probably heartbroken when he heard Heidi couldn't make it, so he chartered Air Force One for her. This is a good thing, because the two really are intellectual soul mates.

And yes Heidi wore that same outfit a week ago. It looked like shit then and it looks like shit now.

The dinner was also attended by Asshole and Pete Wentz, Pammy Anderson, Lauren Conrad, Michael Johns from American Idol, Joel McHale, Jenny McCarthy, the Jonas Brothers, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner and Marcia Cross.

President Bush joked to the audience, "Pamela Anderson and Mitt Romney in the same room? Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?" That whole room was the last sign of the apocalypse. I'm surprised the room didn't spontaneously combust from all the morons in it.

Bush went on to joke, "[Hillary] Clinton couldn't get in because of sniper fire and Sen. [Barack] Obama's at church." That Dubya is such a fucking comedian. He should really quit his job and join the Queens of Comedy tour.

Heidi Montag was reportedly invited to the White House Correspondents gala by MSNBC, but pulled out when they wouldn't pay for Spencer's expenses. Page Six reports that Spencer demanded two first-class plane tickets for both him and Heidi even though he wasn't invited.

MSNBC refused to pay for his expenses, so he cancelled Heidi's appearance. Spencer said the event "wasn't 'A-listy' enough."

A rep for MSNBC denied they ever invited the plastic pony. Heidi's rep blamed it on scheduling conflicts. Err....isn't Spencer her rep?

Even though Heidi cannot make the gala, it will still go on. Why even bother? America's #1 feminist hero can't make it. There's really no point!

Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Pamela Anderson, Donatella Versace, the Jonas Brothers, Hayden Panatroll, Claire Danes and Tracey Ullman are just some of the celebrities that will attend. Douche convention!

Who's going to play pattycake with George Bush now? He was sooo looking forward to it.

"When I grow up I want to be a no-trick pony with garbage bag chichis!"

Heidi Montag launched her affordable line of prostitute uniforms at Kitson yesterday to a crowd of like 20. I bet half of those people were plucked from central casting.

The parents of these little girls need to be dick slapped! Well, maybe they mistook Heidi for one of those plastic horsey rides that sit outside of supermarkets. Unfortunately, when you stick a quarter in Heidi, the quarter bounces back at you.