Panty Pudding

Hugh Jackman turned 40 yesterday and he celebrated by giving a bunch sunbathers in Sydney the gift of his body. You know that when Hugh got into the water, everybody had to run out and head to the bathroom because their crotches were about to explode. It was like a panty pudding fountain. Shit. You better check your own panty situation. It's probably covered in clitty litter. Mine is a lost cause. It's going right into the "burn pile."

There has to be something wrong with his ass. His dick must be all sorts of disappointing. I bet he suffers from cashew dick. It's probably small, curved and salty. Yeah, because I can't believe that his body is that perfect.

Hugh's Mrs. Claus-looking wife must have been some kind of saint in a past life to nab such a piece of hotness. If I was married to him, I would never leave his side. Ever. And if some slick bitch looked at him with lusty eyes, I'd shoot that ho. No joke.

Here's Hugh making genitals burst at the beach yesterday and out with his wifey the other night.

Becks will be in San Francisco tonight where he will show off several pictures from the new Emporio Armani panties campaign. Hmm....I'm thinking Becks had a little help in the dick department. That shit looks like a dill pickle.

It doesn't matter. I'd still hit it. I'd take that dill pickle and shove it in his mouth, so that I won't have to hear a girly peep from him. I mean, can you imagine hearing Minnie Mouse scream, "Take that dick!" Total buzzkill.

VIA Towleroad

Madonna is leading the revolution of women over 45 spreading their crotches in photo shoots. Julianne Moore joined the revolution by letting out her crotch for the cover of May's Vogue Paris.

Julianne Moore could spread her ass cheeks and I would still be all over it. This woman can do no wrong. Although, I see a little copper wire popping out of her panties. Joooking.

She has a look on her face that is telling me she needs to push a queef out. Release it! The panties can take it. Even if they can't take it, a little strawberry panty pudding never hurt anyone.