Bitch Got Sued

What does Sam Lutfi do all day, really? I'm sure he spends a few hours sticking hot pins in Daddy Spears' voodoo doll. After that, he plays Brit Brit's "From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart," cuddles up to one of her old used-up weave tracks and cries himself to sleep. It's not like he has anything to do, so I'm not surprised that his latest project is a lawsuit against Our Lady of Cheetos! He probably watched Larry H. Parker's commercial on TV and it gave him ideas.

TMZ says that Sam is suing Brit and her parents claiming she broke a contract with him and owes his crazy ass a bunch of cash in unpaid fees. In the LOLawsuit, Sam says her parents "began a campaign of slander, libel and defamation aimed at discrediting, destroying and physically and emotionally intimidating Lutfi in order to drive him out of Britney's life."

If this mess ever finds its way into a court room, Sam is going to have to go wait at the corner gas station while Brit Brit testifies, because she has a restraining order against him.

You know, I kind of wish this would go to trial. Then we all can share a big tub of popcorn (with extra fake butter) and take in all the drama. And Dollhouse Dudes really needs another gig.

I also hope they ask Sam what drugs he put in the special brew of Purple Drank he gave to Brit regularly, because I need a new recipe.

Heather Mills' former nanny has joined the long list of people who can't stand the cunt and would give anything to beat her down with her fake leg. Seriously, if Heather got a leg for every time someone said they hated her ass....

Sara Trumble has filed a complaint with an employment tribunal claiming Heather Mills is a cunt to work for and forced her to do a bunch of shit that was beyond her regular duties. Sara said that after Heather's divorce from Paul McCartney, she had to work long hours, blow dry Heather's hair every morning at 7:30 and spray tan her one-legged ass once a week.

Okay, the spray tanning part couldn't have been that bad. I mean, she only had to spray one leg, so it probably took less time than usual. And if Sarah hated Heather so much, she could have taken out her frustrations while blow drying her hair. I would have accidentally shoved the blow dryer up her ass while it was on high. It was an accident!

Heather's side says that Sara is just out for cash and she was hired to be a nanny and a housekeeper. Heather claims after Sara came back from maternity leave, her hours were changed to accommodate her new baby. Heather also gave Sara some of her daughter's hand-me-downs and also took her on some beach vacation. She's so fucking generous.

So Heather is accusing Sarah of pulling a "Heather Mills"? How damn ironic.

You know, if you agree to take a job from Heather Mills, you should know that you're basically working for Satan's cunt. You should also be okay with the word "cunt" becoming a regular part of your vocabulary. When you work for Heather Mills, you will become one with the word "cunt." You will fall in love with the word. Heather should put that in the damn contract. Shit. Maybe I should work for the cunt. That's a word I would love to say all day and all night. I would especially love to whisper it into Heather's fugly ear while I "blow dry" her hair. Cunt! Cunt! Cunt!

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Travis Barker already filed a lawsuit against people he claims were at fault for the plane crash that left with him burns and killed two of his friends. DJ AM has followed his lead and filed his own lawsuit in Los Angeles yesterday.

TMZ says DJ AM is suing the estates of the two pilots who died in the crash as well as Clay Lacy Aviation, Global Exec Aviation, Inter Travel & Services Inc, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co, and Learjet.

In his lawsuit, DJ AM claims when the pilots reached takeoff speed, they knew shit was going down after one of the tires blew out. Instead of taking off, the pilots decided to quit the takeoff, causing the plane to crash and burst into flames. The suit says this was a bad decision made by the pilots.

DJ AM wants cash money for pain, suffering, lost earnings, property damage, punitive damages and past and future health-related expenses. Shit. I got tired just typing all that shit he's suing for.

Damn. I can understand suing companies and shit, but suing the estates of the pilots? I wonder if the pilots left behind any kids that need food, clothes and a roof over their heads. It seems a little extreme to try to fuck with the families, but I don't know the details and shit, so I will leave it at that.

Tommy Girl has no reason to smile. The dumb bitch has just been named in a $250 million lawsuit against Scientology. The lawsuit was filed by an ex-Scientologist that goes by the name of Peter Letterese. Peter filed using the RICO statue. You know what RICO is if you saw "The Dark Knight." Everything I know, I learned from "The Dark Knight." Petey claims the aliens harassed his ass after he left their clan.

Rush & Molloy has the smart people details:

In court papers provided to The News by investigator Paul Barresi, Letterese claims a member of the church phoned his lawyer at home, and when the lawyer's wife answered, said he was her husband's homosexual lover.

Barresi, who has done investigative work on behalf of Cruise, tells us: "[Letterese] is just including a celebrity name to get attention." Letterese calls the church a "crime syndicate" and wants it broken up under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization law, just as the feds have broken up Mafia families.

He singles out Cruise, who's made no secret of his religion, saying that Scientology head David Miscavage is "aided and abetted by the actions of Tom Cruise, his right-hand man for foreign and domestic promotion, as well as for foreign and domestic lobbying. He has assisted the syndicate in acquiring funds and [made] his own donations of money believed to be in the multiple tens of millions of dollars."

One of Letterese's beefs is that the church allegedly uses a business book, "Effective Sales Closing Techniques," as part of its teachings. He says this violates his intellectual property rights, since he bought the rights to the book from the widow of author Leslie Dane.

Wait....so Tommy Girl's private investigator handed over the court papers to Rush & Molly? And isn't Paul Barresi a former porn star?! Something smells fishy and it's not Tommy Girl's ass jelly. Actually, Tommy's ass jelly smells like a mixture of rotten trout and boiled beef. Surf and turf!

Petey is seriously one brave bitch. Hopefully this lawsuit goes somewhere, because I can't wait for the juicy shit that is going to come pouring out. Juicy like Tommy Girl's.....Oh, you know!

Mini-Me is about to file a lawsuit against his sex tape co-star, Ranae Shrider, for allegedly beating his tiny baby ass and causing him emotional distress.

Mini's lawyer told TMZ that Ranae once picked a lock on his door with her teeth, pushed away a scooter that was blocking it, and then threw Mini to the floor. The lawyer went on to say, "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts."

Remember how we're all riding on that bus to hell together? Well, I've just being upgraded to first-class air for laughing so hard at the image of Mini-Me getting thrown. Midget tossing!

Mini's lawyer said that the damages caused to him by Ranae exceed $20 million. Um....how did they get to that number exactly? Was his door made out of diamonds? Does Mini-Me shit gold toddler nuggets? Even if Ranae does all the midget porn in the world, she's still not going to be able to pay off that debt.

I feel for poor Mini-Me. That giant horsey lady coming at him with her ginormous teeth must have been scaaaaaawy. Mini was probably shaking in his underoos. Mini-Me, get that mean ole' pony girl! Make her pay!

Aaron Ferguson used to be an accountant on The Rachael Ray Show, but claims he lost his job due to his eating disorder. Aaron filed papers in a Manhattan court claiming he's suffered from anorexia for six years and his supervisor constantly verbally abused him because of it. In court papers, Aaron says his boss made comments like "Anorexics are sick in the head," and, "Anorexics should not be able to work."

Aaron said he complained to the higher-ups several times, but they never did shit about it. He started working for the show in July 2007 and was "pushed out" in October 2007. He said he was "punished for complaining."

He wants $1 million.

This is what pisses me off. Aaron doesn't name Rachael Ray's EVOO ass in the lawsuit! Who cares if that annoying skank has nothing to do with this. She is the root of all evil and he should sue her for $100 billion while he has the chance. He also better watch it, because Rachael knows scary hos in high places (Oprah).

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Thanks Mitchell

John Graziano's family filed a lawsuit against the Hogans today claiming they were responsible for the car crash that put their son in the hospital. The lawsuit cites 3 counts of negligence against Hulk and Nick, one against Linda and another count against the driver of the Dodge Viper that Nick was racing with. Can they also file a charge against Brooke for being a tranny mess? I don't want her to feel left out.

The lawsuit claims that Hulk and Linda should have known their son was a shitty fuck driver and that they knew he was boozing the day of the crash.

John's family said he will require medical attention for the rest of his life. Nick is also facing a charge of reckless driving with serious bodily injury.

I'm surprised it took John's family this long to file a lawsuit. It's the Hogans, so I say strip them bare! Brooke and Linda can get a side job working the streets as a mother and daughter tranny hooker tag team!

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