When your titties look like Phoebe Price's chicken cutlet cheeks, it's time to cover up those things for good. I just want to take Rachael Ray's titty cutlets, pour EVOO all over them, stick up the oven and broil that shit until they are burned up.
Those titties look like they are trying to hide in her armpits. They are probably afraid of her. She totally beats on them with a ladle when she's angry.
And homo husband needs to lay off the poppers! His face says "popper heaven" all over it.
Here's cutlet titties and homo husband at the Food Bank event in NYC last night.
Everyone hates Dane Cook! Add his Los Angeles neighbors to that growing list. Neighbors are shitting mad at Dane, because he doesn't pick up after his dog, Beast. A source told Page Six, "They've sent him three notices so far over the last year warning him he'll be evicted, and they have video. The neighbors all hate him."
I don't know why Dane has such a problem with shit considering he's full of it. Shit has gotten so bad that Dane's landlord has filed a complaint in court. Dane's rep denies the allegations and said he is "looking forward to complete vindication through the legal proceedings."
There is a special place in hell for people that don't pick up dog shit. They will spend eternity on a dog shit mountain with dog diarrhea constantly raining down on them. On the flip side, there is a special place in heaven for people (i.e. ME) that do pick up their dog caca. The worst is when you see a dog owner placing a bag directly under their big dog's ass to collect the fresh doo pouring out. I try to throw them a fake understanding smile, but I'm really trying to hold down the vom.
"Click Click" is a new New Kids on the Block song and this shit is world's away from their old stuff. It's hard for me to listen to, because whenever I see a picture of them, old or new, I start humming "Right Stuff" and those other cotton candy gems.
I can tell you this. Strippers are going to cream over this song! I can already picture the moment in the song when they rip off their tops to reveal stretch-marked titties. This song has "champagne room" all over it.
Jezebel posted the new airbrushed for days Heidiwood ad that's in May's Lucky Magazine. I'm pretty sure there are no limits in Heidiwood. The slut will do anything!
They majorly screwed up the tagline. It should read, "Welcome to Ca Ca Land."
A happy parade is probably going on inside Yoko Ono, but she managed to keep it calm during an interview with Sky News. Yoko said she feels for Heather, because it's not easy being associated with a Beatle. Please! Yoko is thrilled that she's no longer the only witch of the Beatles. She wants to give Heather's stump a tongue bath. She's that grateful!
Yoko said, "All I can say is it's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles. I think all the wives did suffer, and I think quietly suffer. Suffer but endured, I would actually say." Yoko said Heather needs to "do her very best and try to survive". That's nice of Yoko. Heather really needs those words on encouragement considering she only has $50 million to live on. She's so broke that she's going to have to cut coupons. Poor darling.
Yoko kept the fake sympathy coming and even extended a hand to Paul McCartney, "I'm very sorry for him to have had to go through all that. I haven't spoken to him about that but it's a subject which he probably doesn't want to discuss with other people."
I'm sure that still didn't stop her from sending him a note that said, "You got served! Karma is a one-legged bitch!"
Bobby B has an autobiography coming out?! When the hell does he have the time? Did he write it during his nightly hot boxing sessions? Anyway, in the book titled, "Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But," Bobby B claims Whitney Houston drove him to a life of hard drugs. Bobby B, I will always love you, but you're a liar!
Page Six reports that Bobby B writes, "I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice. At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine."
It's not right but it's okay. Bobby B also claims Whitney married him for all the wrong reasons. He said she was under a lot of pressure, because the media was accusing her of eating her assistant's pussy! He writes, "I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children." Is he for real? Are we talking about the same Bobby Brown here? Only a crackhead would think marrying Bobby B would clean up their image. Oh wait.....
Bobby B does take some responsibility in why their marriage ended. He admits to cheating on her with several women including the infamous Karrine "Superhead" Steffans. He said he stayed with her for a little bit, but "she was only good for what her nickname stood for." Hell, that's not a bad thing to be famous for.
That being said, I will definitely be purchasing a copy of Bobby B's book of untruths.
The election is over everyone! It's time to pack up and go home. Feminist hero Heidi Montag is endorsing John McCain! Obviously, this influential endorsement will give him the win.
She told UsWeekly, "I'm voting for John McCain. I'm a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience. I don't think anyone cares who Heidi Montag votes for."
Everyone cares who Horsey Montag votes for. There's only one vote that counts and that's Heidi Montag's!
TMZ caught Lisa Rinna making out with some hot, shirtless dude on a balcony yesterday. Lisa is still married to Harry Hamlin, but don't worry. I'm sure their marriage is fine. This reeks of Ashton Kutcher's lame attempts to fool all of us.
I just hope the dude that had to kiss Lisa was paid a lot of pennies. Can you imagine locking lips with her? It would be like sucking on a puss filled roid.
Sarah Jessica Parker is one of those chicks that claims she eats everything in sight all day and all night. Uh...huh...and follows it up by eating a big plate of laxatives. At the premiere for "Smart People" last night, SJP said, "I eat everything. I'm just an eater. If it's free, I honestly eat everything." I wonder if she eats her husband's asshole, because you know he's into that gay shit.
When asked what she's eaten recently, she said, "Last night I had steak and some lamb shank. And I had some roasted chicken and some cassoulet and some profiteroles and some ice cream and some cheesecake." And what did she have on Monday? "I had two different tarts from Once Upon a Tart [in SoHo] and toast and a banana and a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. And a glass of fresh orange juice."
And how does she keep her pony frame so skinny? "It's predisposition probably." Is think that's pony talk for, "I shit it all out."
Here's SJP with her gay husband, Ellen Page and Dennis Quad. Matthew Broderick is looking more and more like a professional toe-tapper. I'm not talking about the kind of toe-tapping you do on stage either.
Audrina Partridge from "The Hills" hosted an evening with The Pussycat Dolls last night at Pure in Las Vegas. We get it Audrina! You're a ho to be reckoned with. We've already seen the bitch naked, there's no nude (typo, but I'm keeping it) to keep parading around like a slut. She's a ho fo sho and we get it.
Audrina is pretty frustrating to look at, because the bitch's eyes are always looking at the ceiling. I just want to take her head and shake it until her eyeballs drop. And if they drop, I might win a prize!
Here's more pics of Audrina looking like Droopy Dog in lingerie last night. Yes, that's Shane West with her. A life of hard partying is written all over his mug.