Amy Winehouse

Since every optometrist's office in London is filled with charbroiled eyeballs asking to be put out of their misery due to witnessing Wino's crackie sacks live, she decided to give the city a break and covered up when going for a sexy walk today.

Although, Wino found other ways to offend people (and dogs). I'm talking about the hair pick and the visor. I'll give her a pass on the pick since it's probably an afternoon snack for her crack hive, but THAT VISOR. Unless you're a California hot dog vendor circa 1983, this lady jogger, a poker playin' pepaw, a surprised cat, an old timey accountant, a German Shepherd or a pacifier-sucking raver, you have no business wearing a visor. Actually, Wino might be all those things combined, so carry on!

Amy Wino's daddy already confirmed that she got new chichis put in, but he didn't tell us that she went with size: BABY HEAD. To be more specific, size: FAT BABY HEAD. Wino is serious about her titty implants.

You know that I'll throw down for a pair of magnificent chichis, but nothing good can come out of Wino's new pair. I mean, they look harder than a stale crack rock, so Wino is definitely going to use 'em to knock a bitch out. So if you sass Wino, you'll get a crack-covered loogie in the eye and a speedball titty on your head.

Thankfully, that didn't happen at tonight's Q Awards, but it came close. She was supposed to present an award to her friends The Specials, but bitch showed up on Wino time (aka minutes late). While The Specials were accepting their award, Wino pulled a Kanye by showing up on stage and crashing their speech. When The Daily Mail asked Wino why she was late, she shot back with, "What’s it to you, I was doing my hair. Fuck off." I think Wino meant that she was literally doing her hair. You know, humping on her crackhive. They are close like that.

Wino's shenanigans didn't stop there. When Robert Plant was on stage accepting an award, Wino started heckling from the back of the room. Robert stopped for a quick second, realized it was just the crackie acting up again and went on with his speech.

So, there you go. Brand new chesticles, but the same ole' fuckery!

Amy Wino might have knocked the crack devil off her shoulder, but she still can't control the itch in her snatch for Blaaaaake's rash-covered tongue. The Sun reports that even though Wino and Blaaaake killed their marriage last September, they have continued to talk through their Facebook accounts and may be back together.

Wino must have been playing with her Facebook zombie when it reminded her of how much she misses peeling Blaaaake's skin off under a full moon.

Blaaaake and Wino both changed their status to "married," and friends (aka their dealers and pipe holders) have started to congratulate them. Blaaaaaake even wrote this precious post about their reunion, "Can't argue with true love. What's the point?" Although, he could've been talking about the 8-ball sitting on his kitchen counter, and not about Wino.

I know a bunch of tweens would disagree with me, but getting married on Facebook isn't exactly legal, so there's nothing to worry about here. I doubt Wino and Blaaaaake are rubbing scabs in real-life. Wino is just having a little cyber fun.

That being said, don't even try to tell me that my Second Life wedding to Mah Boo Anderson Cooper was not the real thing. Just ask Second Life Rojo Caliente. She officiated the beautiful affair! And Second Life Rojo could never tell a lie.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Amy Wino's daddy Mitch not only confirmed that his daughter got her chichis pumped up, but he also said that they look "great."

On the British TV show This Morning (via People), Mitch Wino was asked how the former Crackie of Camden is doing, and he responded with, "Fantastic, fantastic. Her boobs are great as well. I shouldn't have said that should I? She looks absolutely fantastic." Mitch also wanted everyone to know that he didn't pay for his daughter's tit job.

I really shouldn't put Mitch in the same category as Papa Joe just yet. If a reporter asked Papa Joe about his daughter's breast situation, he would've busted into a crotch seizure, and then ran to the nearest liquor store to cool his bits on a block of ice. As far as I know, Mitch's privates stayed calm.

When one of the paps asked Amy Wino about her brand new silicrack-filled breast implants, she pulled a Nicole Kidman by saying, "What operation?" To be fair, Wino has the memory of a stoned goldfish, so if she had Ziploc bags installed in her chest area, she would never ever remember.

And it's a good thing Wino's body is permanently in a state of numbness from all the bad shit running through her veins, because I doubt she can feel the pain from one of her implants leaking in the picture above. Phew.

The paps also asked Wino about why she's wearing a "Blaaaake's Girl" shirt, but she wouldn't say a word. I'm sure it means nothing. It was the only shirt on Wino's floor that wasn't covered in crusty wig glue, Jack Daniels-flavored vomit and wet ciggie ash.

Here's Wino actually looking good (no sarcasm here) while trolling around London this morning.

Yesterday, a rumor went around the internets that Amy Wino prodded and pumped up her tittays from a 32B to a 32D. Well, here's Wino arriving at THE CLINIC (DUN DUN DUN) last night, and I don't have Dr. 90210 by my side so I'm not sure if the rumors are true. I mean, they look like a little more chichilicious, but she could've just hid a few 8-balls in there. Or maybe she finally ate something that didn't come from a glass pipe and it went straight to her boobies?

And I think we all need to go to church this morning after discussing Wino's titties in depth. You bring the rosaries, I'll bring the hooch!

Last night, Wino sang back-up to her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield on Strictly Come Dancing. Most are saying that Wino looked drunker than a Hasselhoff and was a complete wreck, because she didn't know the moves. For me, if Wino isn't stumbling around like Tommy Girl after a butt orgy, I'm a little concerned. I mean, this IS Wino we're talking about. Besides, she didn't bite anyone's cheek off or burn anyone's skin off with her toxic loogies. That's an achievement for Wino. Performance beeeeelow:

The Sun is saying that Amy Wino went off to a clinic in London last week, and not because she had the drug ills. No, they say she went in to get a pair of £35,000 plastic titty sacks installed in her chest area.

One source said that Wino has gone from a 32B to a 32D, "She looks amazing, like a new woman. Amy told us she wanted a new look - it's all part of her fresh start for her big comeback. We all feared she'd fallen off the wagon when she came in. Then we saw her bouncing around with these huge boobs which stand out as she's so tiny and skinny."

Apparently, Wino decided to pump up the volume on her chichis for her big comeback (AGAIN) on tonight's Strictly Come Dancing. Wino will sing back-up for her 13-year-old protege and goddaughter Dionne Bromfield. But since this is Wino we're yapping about, there's a chance she may not even show up.

While I am a big fan of oversized Tupperware titty balls, I'm not sure if this was a wise move for Wino. I mean, how is she going to slap bitches and chase after paps with two giant fake breasts in her way? Although, maybe Wino had a genius idea and filled her sacks with silicoke. When Wino squeezes a nipple, out comes a dollop of the bad shit. Expect Blohan to get a pair in 3..2..

If you pick on Amy Wino's goddaughter Dionne, you better immediately put on a Hazmat slicker, because you will get bombed with a dozen crackie-covered loogies. Shit got real.

According to the paps, the former Crackie of Camden stormed into the Southgate School in North London yesterday and got in the face of a girl who was accused of bullying her goddaughter. Wino cursed the girl out and then spit in her face. Once Wino's toxic mouth jizz hit the girl, she shriveled up and turned to dust. ONE DOWN! But Wino wasn't done! She started shouting at the rest of the school kids before the fight was broken up by a bystander. Wino eventually cooled her coochie and signed some autographs before going home.

Why couldn't we all have a crazy crackie like Wino in our corner when we were in school? It would've made shit so much easier. I wouldn't have had to hide under cars from my bullies or run from them until my lungs fell out of my ass. I just would've had to scream "Hootie Hoooooo!" and Wino would've shown up to take care of them.

Amy Wino spent hours in the dentist chair yesterday (she showed up for the nitrous), so what better way to dull the pain and dirty up your teefs again than boozing until your eyeballs roll to the back of your head? There's no better way. And that's exactly what Wino did last night with her friend/ex-boyfriend Tyler James.

Usually, a Wino night out ends in tears, bloodshed, broken light bulbs, dead paps and dozens of burnt pieces of aluminum foil, but none of that happened yesterday. So yay for Wino, boo for us.

And back to that Tyler James dude, Wino told a fan that he's her new boyfriend. Before I approve of this let me stick my head out the window and scream, "TYYYYYYYYYYYLER" to see if it has the same beautiful ring as, "BLAAAAAAAKE."

To say that Amy Wino has an addictive personality is an understatement. I mean, Wino gets the hongaries in a major way for crack, ice pops, horse hair, ballet slippers.....and Blaaaaake's peen (UGH). Wino and Blaaaake are officially divorced, but apparently she's not officially over his scab-covered limpy cock. And Wino's daddy has witnessed this. At least that's what a source tells The Sun.

Apparently, Wino's bodyguards told Mitch that Blaaake was in her bed. Mitch stormed upstairs and immediately threw the trash into the gutter. The source said, "Mitch hates the fact he's reappeared - it's making him ill. It'll force him into an early grave. Blake begged Mitch not to hit him when he chucked him out. Mitch was absolutely furious, he still is. He can't believe Blake has wormed his way back into his daughter's life. Just when she's starting to sort herself out, the man responsible for dragging her into the gutter is crawling back into her life. Mitch is praying history doesn't repeat itself."

I'm going to choose to believe that Wino is not injecting her poon with Blaaake's peen needle full-time. Like us, Wino is probably sick of her daddy blabbing to the press about her personal shit. She figured that the quickest way to shut him up is for him to catch her doing gross shit on Blaaaake. Because watching Wino and Blaaaaake bump fuck parts will make almost anybody go blind, deaf and mute! Obviously, it didn't work on Daddy Wino this time. Damn.