Amy Winehouse

Wino's just picking a little cokey booger for later. She likes to recycle. As you know, Wino showed up and performed at Nelson Mandela's birfday concert yesterday. Of course, Wino was not going to miss the opportunity to make a plea for her Blake Incarcerated. While singing "Free Nelson Mandela" during the finale, Wino changed the words to, “Free Blakey my fella.” Only the Crackie of Camden would have the nerve to pull that shit! She probably got major side-eye from Mandela.

After the show, Wino returned to her chambers at The Clinic where she's receiving treatment for being one of the biggest crackheads in the known universe.

Wino is expected to play Glastonbury, but apparently organizers aren't sure if she's going to show up. The Mirror reports that the Artic Monkeys has been put on standby just in case Wino and her crackiehive don't show up. They should just leave a trail of ice pops from The Clinic to the Glastonbury stage to ensure that Wino's mess shows up.

The Crackie of Camden came through!! Amy Wino showed up and performed at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert in London tonight. She also almost showed off one of her crackey nippies while making her way to the venue. One of her nips has more cokey in it than the whole city of Miami. She should guard them with her life.

Wino performed "Rehab" and "Valerie" for the 45,000 people in the audience. She also stuck around to sing "Free Nelson Mandela" along with the other performers. See! Wino does good sometimes. Hopefully, Mandela told her that if she doesn't shape up, he'll send away with Naomi Campbell.

Here's Wino's crackey nip almost coming out to play and also Wino performing at the concert. She probably only has one of those Heart Blaaaaake hair pins. It must stink like rat jizz, cinnamon incense, Aquanet and ice pops.

Amy Wino was a no-show at a photocall for Nelson Mandela's birthday concert today. Instead, she visited Blaaake in the pokey and bought some little bottles of booze at the store. Party!!! Actually, three little bottles of booze is not much of a Wino party. I mean, what's a Wino supposed to do with those measly things? Snort em' whole? Oh. Yeah, probably.

Wino is on the list of performers at Mandela's birthday concert tomorrow and who knows if she'll show. We should start taking bets. I'll bet $10 that her crackhive will show, but she won't.

In other Crackie of Camden news, Rolling Stone did this totally sad article and interview with Wino. It's a total downer. I needed some crack myself after reading that shit.

Basically, Wino knows she's a druggie and she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't seem to think she has a problem. She admits to cheating on Blaaaake and doing drugs in rehab. You just want to slap the crack out of her because she just doesn't get it.

She did talk about Dreamboat Doherty though! She said, "I asked Pete to do a concept EP, and he made this face, he looked at me like I'd pooed on the floor. He wouldn't do it. We're just really close." That's probably because she did poo on the floor and didn't know it.

Amy Wino's smiling because she's off to smoke more crack and feast on ice pops or maybe it's smoke ice pops and feast on crack. Either or! Anyway, Wino left the hospital yesterday to begin rehearsals for Nelson Mandela's birfday celebration in London's Hyde Park this weekend. Nelson is a big fan of her heroin shake and intermission bumps during songs.

Wino was released just a few days after her daddy told reporters she had emphysema. Wino's spokesbitch is singing a different tune today.

Her bitch told AP that Wino doesn't have emphysema, "She is not diagnosed with full-blown emphysema, but instead has early signs of what could lead to emphysema." Mitch Wino later backtracked his statements and admitted she didn't have full-blown emphysema, but could get worse if she doesn't stop smoking and druggin'. Basically, she's got crackmonia. And Mitch Wino needs to sit down, shut the hell up and smoke some of his daughter's crack!

My little Crackie of Camden. What a beautiful fucking mess she is. I wish I could turn her into a Tamagotchi, carry her around in my pocket and take care of her. Crackagotchi! She can eat ice pops all day, scream for Blaaaake and hide small animals in her crackhive.

Wino almost threw up her lungs, but she's already back to smoking! Seriously, this mess of a ho will be back in the hospital next week for getting the crack pipe stuck in her vagina or something like that.

Okay, she's really sick. Okay, really, REALLY sick. Okay, really, REALLY, REALLY sick. You get it. Our little Wino doesn't have TB, but she does have emphysema. That's what her daddy, Mitch Wino, told the Daily Mail. Mitch Wino said that the docs told his 24-year-old daughter that she must quit the drugs and other shit if she wants to breathe properly again. If not, Wino could find herself in a wheelchair within a month. Well, at least she won't be stumbling around anymore?

He said, "The doctors have said that if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid - she wouldn't have been able to breathe. With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70 per cent lung capacity." He's also forgetting all the loose hair from her crackhive that has probably ended up in her lungs! Crackball!

Mitch is afraid that if Wino leaves the hospital now, she'll go back to smoking crack which means she could be six feet under in a couple of months.

Mitch said that Wino seems like she wants to quit all the crap. He also spoke to Blaaaake who has promised to quit for Wino. Blaaake also wants to go into rehab once he's released from the chokey. Uh...huh...Blaaake is a true crackhead through and through which means he'll say just about anything to keep his piggy bank secure.

Furthermore, Mitch has asked the drugs dealer and Dreamboat Doherty to stay away from Wino. He said, "I'm saying to those drug dealers, and they know who they are, if they are supplying crack to Amy, then they've got to take responsibility. I don't want her hanging out with her mates like Pete Doherty either." WHAT?! Why is Dreamboat always to blame? It's not like he stuck a needle in her arm and shot her up......oh wait.

Oh Wino! Listen to Whitney Houston, crack is whack....and it fucks up your lungs!

Today's Crackie of Camden health watch update isn't positive Our little crackie might have TB.

The Sun reports that Wino has been coughing up blood from a chest infection. I thought she normally coughed up blood? You learn something new every day!

The docs also think she might have tuberculosis because of her massive weight loss and loss of appetite. Shit, that means 90% of those Hollywood twats have TB.

A source said, "She’d been been suffering horrible coughing fits and hurling up blood for a while but refused to be examined. Doctors now believe it is tuberculosis and are doing more tests to be certain."

Wino is currently on a drip and the docs are trying to wean her ass of drugs. I'll rub my swollen nipple (don't ask) for good luck because they need it! The only way to get Wino off drugs is to get the drugs off her! That didn't make any sense, but I'm still drunk.

I will say a million prayers for Wino at the roulette wheel today! The roulette wheel is my own personal Jesus! Wait.....the doctors didn't say how her crackhive is holding up? Is it on an IV drip too? SAVE WINO'S CRACKHIVE!!!

Now it's time for our daily check in with the Wino to see how she's holding up in the hospital. I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that doctors say she has an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that her heart still beats! Wild, I know. Next, you're going to tell me that Keith Richards still has a pulse.

The Sun reports that Wino's family plans to keep her in the hospital as long as they can in hopes that she'll finally beat drugs. A source said that this might be their one chance to sort her out for good. If Wino tries to flee the hospital, the family plans to go to court to try and keep her in.

Wino's daddy, Mitch, said, "Amy is doing fine. She is staying in as long as possible."

Methinks they should plant an ice pop vendor outside her door 24 hours a day. They should also figure out a way to fill her hospital room with artificial crack smoke. You know, so she feels at home!

Amy Wino is probably having the time of her life in the hospital! She's sampling all of their delicious drugs, talking about her Blaaaake for hours with the night nurses and eating all the ice pops she wants. And then Dr. DUH had to come in and rain on her crack party by telling her, "Quit drugs now — or die."

Rain is wet, turtles are evil, Paris Hilton is a whore and Wino will OD. Dr. DUH seriously deserves some kind of award for that keen observation.

Wino is still in the hospital after she fainted in her home a couple of days ago. The Sun reports that last summer when the Wino had a seizure and overdosed, doctors told her crackie ass that brain scans revealed her problems were linked to drugs. They think her fainting spell this time is linked to her OD last summer. Yes, she still has a brain. Yes, they actually did a medical scan to tell her drugs are her problem. Even Harvey Price knows this bitch is a hardcore crackhead.

Friends have begged Wino to take time off to get better. She's due to play Nelson Mandela's birfday this month. Mitch Wino said his daughter is "doing fine."

You know when Dr. DUH told her ass she was going to die, she said, "Umm...can I have a bump?"

Poor Crackie of Camden needs to be strapped down in a room full of priests with Billy Ocean music playing in the background. If Billy Ocean can't chase the devil out of you, nothing can.

Camden is still without their main crackie this morning. Amy Wino went to the hospital yesterday after she "fainted" in her house. Her spokesbitch said that she's still in the hospital after preliminary tests have proved "inconclusive." Probably because every time they go to take blood for testing, the needle melts. They should try and take some blood from her crackhive. It looks like it has strong veins.

Her bitch went on to tell The Sun that further testing on Wino must be done before she's released. That's a lot of fucking testing. They are probably trying to figure out how it's possible for someone's veins to be completely filled with crack, heroin and delicious ice pops!

Hopefully, they will soak her hand in a tub of Oxy and bleach while she's in there. Her claw looks like it came from the grave.

Amy Wino packed up her portable crack pipe and a few yards of dead horse hair and headed for the clinic this afternoon after fainting at her home. UsWeekly reports that after Wino fell down or whatever, her daddy took her to the hospital.

Her spokesbitch said, "Bitch just ODed for the 1000th time. No bigee."

Naw, her rep really sad, "Amy was at home this afternoon when she briefly fainted. Fortunately, her manager's assistant was there to stop her falling. She quickly recovered and her father Mitch took her to hospital as a precaution. Doctors are unsure of the cause of the incident and Amy is currently undergoing tests."

Bitch probably fainted because her crackhive weighs about 15 tons! The doctors are going to have to perform an emergency crackhive extraction. After that, they will change out Wino's blood again. She does that quarterly.

Her rep went on to say that she may have to stay in the hospital overnight for observation. She was probably all giddy at the thought of a morphine drip. They seriously need to close the door, lock it and pray for the best.