Yesterday happened, which means international supermodel Phoebe Price was back at her full-time job as head poser on the streets of Los Angeles. But it wasn't just any regular day at the office for Chicken Cutlets. She made it extra special by shimmying into her Easter best and sedating Henry with Xanax so that she could get him into a chickie costume. That picture is like a before & after! Henry is the before: a chickie. PP is the after: cutlets!
A couple of weeks ago, I posted some video of PP getting into it with some crazy lady on the streets of Beverly Hills. The crazy lady, who claims to be homeless, got on our Hot Babe of the Millennium, because she says PP doesn't treat her mama right. PP spoke out about the very traumatic experience in the video below. PP wants everyone to know that her mother only trails behind her like a concubine, because she doesn't want to be in the pictures! If you notice in the pics below, her mother is far off in the background. PP's mother knows that she needs to let the master perform her art without any kind of disturbance! PP's mother is respecting the artist!! By the way, if you watch the shit below, make sure you're not eating, drinking or sucking anything before the 1:28 mark.
I'm just about to get on a flight to South Carolina to track down the Funeral Fairy, so that we can take our act on the road. Two fairies make a RIGHT. I'm also going down to SC for a wedding. No, I did not dress up as a wounded sea creature and trick Mah Boo Anderson Cooper into marrying me. That's next month. I'm going to another wedding. And I fucking love to booze at weddings.
So, I won't be able to post more shit until I land, check into my No-Tell Motel and wash my ass off in the sink. Then I will be back for more fuckery.
In the meantime, I leave you with this video featuring our very own international supermodel Phoebe Price battling it out with a straight-up chicken cutlet HATER. Crazy vs. Crazy! Who will win?
The crazy lady thinks PP makes her own mother stand behind her like some kind of slave! The audacity! PP's mother has to stand behind her, because if she doesn't, she might be wounded by PP's international supermodel skills. When PP knocks a pose, a bitch can get hurt.
The crazy lady threatens to whoop that cutlet! Seriously, she threatens to beat a hot babe down! PP fires back by saying she'd shoot a bitch if that happened. DAMN! Famewhoring is seriously a dangerous game. Bitches are getting shot over this shit! Famewhorez 'n the Hood!
You know, the crazy lady was really pissed because PP was trying to take her corner. For real. That being said, the crazy homeless lady is giving PP a run for her cutlets for the title of Hot Babe of the Millenium.
International supermodel and recluse Phoebe Price was trying to have a quiet lunch of charred cutlets and gizzard cubes when the paparazzi ambushed her! Can't they just leave her alone?! There's a Kardashian whore out there begging to have a camera shoved up her twat while the always-shy PP is trying to have a private moment to herself. She never asked for this life of fame! She just wants to continue her career of modeling with inanimate objects on street corners and making hats out of dead astro-bats. But if you insist....
The paps also begged PP to show them her latest editiorial spread in Vogue Kuwait. Okay, it was Life & Style, but that's pretty much the same thing.
International supermodel, silver screen star, Hot Babe of the Millennium, head decorator and battered women's activist Phoebe Price famewhored the streets of Beverly Hills with plastic OctoMommy lips and said she went to Shauna Sand's plastic surgeon. Chicken Cutlets has sharpened her bone and declared war on my Empress of Lucite!!! WHY?! This is like fucking Sophie's Choice! Now I know how Wendy Crewson felt in The Good Son. This is a choice I could never ever make. Cutlets or lucite? I can't live without either them. Don't make me do this, PP! You are hurting my insides slowly. Make cutlets, not war! STAINS, look into my eyes and show me the light!
Here's PP looking like the dehydrated love child of The Joker and Poison Ivy while working the ho stroll with fellow street poser Jennifer Elise Cox yesterday.
On this very special episode of Wise Words from PP, the "Hot Babe of the Millennium" has a message for RiRi. PP is not only an international supermodel, silver screen star, premiere seat-filler and head decorator, but she's also a spokesperson for domestic abuse.
Just like RiRi, PP was a victim of getting her ass beat down by a dude and she has some advice to share. A true inspiration to us all.
If the chicken beater didn't die two years, I would've been screaming for Pamela Anderson and PETA, because poultry abuse is not okay! Lick a cutlet, don't beat one!
I'm going to expect that her new reality show touches on serious subject matters like this in between scenes featuring PP posing with inanimate objects.
This shit basically speaks for itself. There are no words..... I am Spaghetti Cat speechless. But before I go and cuddle up to a plate of chicken cutlets, let me officially declare Phoebe Price as "Hot Babe of the Millennium!"
I don't even know how the Oscars could go on last night without the premiere seat filler in Hollywood bringing the poultry glamour to the audience? International supermodel and silver screen sensation Phoebe Price was not there! I'm not out of line when I say that they should have canceled the whole thing. The statues just weren't as sparkly or shiny, because PP was not holding it down in the audience. I blame St. Angie for this. That chicken hater knew she could not compete with PP's elegance and sophistication, so she got her fired. And Angie was afraid PP would steal her man. Men just can't refuse a firm pair of greasy cutlets. No, they can't.
Instead of gracing the Oscars, PP attended Popeye's Oscar party and cookout in Van Nuys. No, she went to JLove's Oscar party at the Abbey in West Hollywood. PP brought her mama je'e, Flora. They have matching organic cutlets! PP also brought out her raw chicken breasts out too! The Oscar bitches are fools! They could have had all of this.
International supermodel and Hot Babe of 2007, Phoebe Price, was gracious enough to speak to the worldwide media (aka Channel 7 in L.A.) at the opening of Orange Bone pet store. The pet store was named after her, obviously. Don't worry your pretty little genitals, Orange Bone sells dogs from shelters instead of puppy mills. PP knows what's right. Or she's just there for the free Andre champagne. Which she had to serve.
In between her canape serving shifts, the always eloquent PP gave her thoughts on the new pet store. Shortly after this interview, the needy and tortured animal lying on her head was adopted by a good family. Henry the dog thought to himself, "Why couldn't it be me." But seriously, PP is changing the world one cutlet at a time. I don't know what that means exactly, but it seems fitting.
In the video above, PP's at the 1:01 mark, but stop by a few seconds before that to gaze at Charlotte Ross' ravishing eyebrows.
It's been much too long since international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price has graced us with her chicken cutlets. Dlisted and Robertson Blvd. have been so lonely and cold without her. PP knows this, so she brings us gifts to make up for her absence. You see, the Claire's of the poultry world has been keeping her glue gun busy by making hats! Yes, she's moved on from bedazzling toddler belts you wear around your head to creating one-of-a-kind art pieces for your head. This is some Blossom shit DONE RIGHT. I can't wait to buy my very own original PP Chicken Hat in the black label section at the swap meet.
Anyway, PP dressed in Garbage Pail Kids Chic to host this open post for you. Nibble on a chicken wing and rant away!
Mischa Barton has FINALLY launched her eagerly-awaited (NOT) line of headbands. Yes, because there are zillions of dumb whores who want to throw away $200 on a piece of shit that you can make yourself using scraps from your memaw's craft box. But don't even bother. Wearing a piece of paper that says "I am a foolio" is cheaper and gets the message across clearer.
Mischa's cacabands cost anywhere from 90 clams to 200 clams and are sold at some joint called Stacey Lapidus. If you even think of buying one of these, I swear. I'll.... I'll.... curse your name and never masturbate to you again. There is only one celebrity headband line allowed and that one belongs to international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price! Of course, Phoebe had her line first. Mischa is a copy cat bitch! Phoebe even had her cellulite photos on a tabloid first and then Mischa had to go and copy her with that too! Mischa is a devil woman.
Mischa's headbands won't do anything but make you look like your head is too fucking fat, so you need a belt to hold it up. That doesn't really make sense, but I never do, so just go with it. Phoebe's headbands will do so much more for you!
Only after wearing them for a few minutes, you will get the sudden urge to pose on the street for absolutely no reason. Before you know it, paparazzi or creepy old men will start taking pictures of you and turn you into an overnight supermodel sensation just like Phoebe. Her headbands have that power! They might also cause you to rub raw chicken cutlets all over your face, but that's a small side-effect you can kind of live with.