Phoebe Price

OMG! Call the Dog Whisperer! Henry the dog thinks it's Thanksgiving and he's about to devour one of the chicken cutlets belonging to international supermodel Phoebe Price! She doesn't know it because she's blinded by the cameras! Seriously, put a camera in front of her and World War III could be going on behind her and she wouldn't know it. Thankfully, Henry didn't go through with it. He was probably blinded by the stunning freckle fireworks show happening on her arms and chest.

PP was enjoying a lovely Sunday in Malibu when she decided to give an impromptu Sports Illustrated swimsuit shoot for the paps.....in the middle of a parking lot. Hey! You see a parking lot, she sees a tropical paradise. She is a true professional! And don't even tell me you see cellulite. PP is as perfect as a gleaming porcelain toilet bowl!

Not too long, international supermodel and star of "Get Smart," Phoebe Price, said she was working on her own clothing line. She promised that each clothing item would have a picture of her somewhere on it.

Yesterday, Chicken Cutlets' mommy, Flora, wore this luxurious and very expensive-looking t-shirt while the two shopped in Malibu. This must be part of her fashion line! The quality is exceptional, but the text is all wrong. It should read, "Mommy's Little International Supermodel."

I need this shit in every color and style available. I'd rock it day in and day out. Money is no object! I'm sure each t-shirt costs at least 99 cents a few hundred dollars, but I'll sell my dog's body on the street to buy just one. PP is my "little international supermodel."

Here's also some pictures of Mommy's Little International Supermodel at the beach with her dog Henry. Don't even try to look for any cottage cheese, because there isn't any.

FYI, That's not Tecate The Empress of Lucite is drinking. Shauna Sand made one of her many assistants fill an empty Tecate bottle with Dom Pérignon. The always gracious natural beauty doesn't want the peons around her to feel threatened by her luxurious tastes. Shauna is truly a humble saint.

Shauna graced the crowd of four people at the after-party for "No Bad Days" last night. I'm relieved to see that she's back to wearing her signature fine crystal heels. It's also nice to see Shauna without much make-up on. Seriously, she's barely wearing any! That's how beautiful she is. And that's not lip liner she's wearing, Shauna's lips naturally look like that.

International supermodel and big-screen star Phoebe Denise Price also took time out from her busy schedule of posing with weekly magazines to attend the party. How the room didn't explode from the supreme elegance radiating off of PP and Shauna is beyond me.

What in fake cellulite hell is going on here?! I thought Russell Brand was bumping chicken cutlets with international supermodel Phoebe Price!? PP obviously woke up and smelled the chicken broth, because she waaaaay too good for him. PP belongs with a hot hunk like Foghorn Leghorn.

Russell somehow managed to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. Russell has moved on by dating Australian actress Teresa Palmer. The Daily Mail reports that things are getting serious and Russell is looking to settle down. Before they settle down, can Teresa please shampoo Russell's hair?! His hair grease is practically splattering against my computer screen.

Russell and Teresa met on the set of "Bedtime Stories" and have been dating for about a month. I guess this is some kind of record for slutty Russell. Teresa needs to come to terms with the fact that she's just a rebound and Russell will always love PP. Teresa will soon find out the truth when she finds Russell jacking it over a plate of hot chicken cutlets.

Here's more of Russell and his rebound at the 02 festival on Friday. I also threw in some pictures of heartbreaker PP posing with magazines in Malibu. When is Publisher's Clearing House going to hire PP already? She loves magazines more than anybody else! If it was legal, she would marry every copy of Star Magazine.

It's been almost two weeks since my last post about international supermodel and "Hot Babe of the Year' Phoebe Price. I've been going through major withdrawals and I might have been caught "canoodling" with a raw chicken cutlet or two.

Seriously, where has PP been?! Maybe she was having her chicken cutlets rotated. No! Thanks to her pivotal role in "Get Smart," PP is a hot commodity in Hollywood! She was probably shooting some major feature film or posing for the cover of Elle Greenland.

I can breathe a sigh of relief now that I know Chicken Cutlets is alive and well. Here's PP at her day job as a valet outside of a TGIF Friday's. I kid, I kid. She's waiting for her cutlet mobile and showing off her exclusive photo spread in Star Magazine.

That isn't the cheese section of your local grocery store on the thighs of international supermodel Phoebe Price. It's.....um.....it's....what the fuck is that?! Seriously, who the fuck keeps airbrushing cotty cheese on the immaculate porcelain thighs of Chicken Cutlets? It's probably those fucking Foster Farms chickens! They are jealous of Phoebe's organic and free-range chicken cutlets! The fuckery must stop! PP is perfection and we know it. That being said, this is the last thing in the world my hangover needed. I think my toilet's calling.

And expect a press conference, lawsuit and declaration of war from PP in 3...2.....

I really hope Chicken Cutlets is on the pill because if she's not, then she's definitely knocked up with frozen yogurt's baby. Yesterday, the international supermodel had hot, unadulterated mouth sexy times with a cup of frozen yogurt in Los Angeles. She's going to give birth to a huge plate of chicken tzatziki! Get a freezer, PP! There were children watching. You know that little boy will never touch a plate of chicken cutlets again.

Here's more of the sexiest pair of chicken cutlets giving fellatio to a cup of frozen yogurt. And after her poultry-yogurt sex session, she got a mani-pedi. Naturally.

International supermodel turned Hollywood actress, Phoebe Price, attended the premiere of her new blockbuster, "Get Smart" yesterday. PP stars in the movie alongside Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway.

I hear PP does her finest work in this movie. Apparently, she's in it for like 5 seconds and doesn't have any lines, but it's the most riveting 5 seconds of your life! The world stops turning and your heart stops beating the minute she comes up on the screen. Don't be surprised if at next year's Oscars you hear, "And the Oscar for sexiest poultry in a feature film goes to....Chicken Cutlets!"

Here's more of PP last night. She needs to stop twirling like that! It's dangerous. She's fanning the flames!

According to Now Magazine, "American socialite" Phoebe Price is dating Russell Brand. A witness saw the two on a romantic date in Los Angeles last week. The magazine goes on to say that "32-year-old" Phoebe has been trying to get with 32-year-old Russell since he's arrived in L.A.

American socialite?! That title belongs to low-rent hags like Parasite Hilton! PP is an international superstar sensation!

You know she made one of her friends put on a brown mop and say "Blimey! I'm Russell Brand!" a lot. Seriously though, PP is too good for Russell Brand! He'll only break her lil' chicken cutlet heart. Then she'll have to hold a press conference and announce that she's suing him if he doesn't take her back. Nothing good can come out of this union!

I figured Russell only likes fish. I would've never guessed that he likes chicken cutlets too.

Thanks Maya

I FUCKING SWEAR! Chicken Cutlets overload. I know what you won't be having for dinner. This is a continuation of this post about PP's press conference yesterday in front of the Chanel store. Well, here's the video courtesy of Hollywood Bubble. Truly amazing. This reminds me of the endearing and humiliating speech I gave when I ran for drama club president in High School. I didn't win. I think I memorized my speech though. PP needed to memorize this shit! Again, this is why she needs me on her legal dream team.

Um...and I don't know what "litigation management" is, but at least they are the best in the Los Angeles!