Phoebe Price

Slap me with a wet chicken cutlet for not seeing these glorious pictures of Phoebe Price giving Bob Barker a late-in-life boner by posing with a variety of grocery store items at a supermarket in L.A. last month. Marvel at Chicken Cutlet's skills as she showcases a bag of pasta sides, dog food and a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese. This is beyond Price is Right or Supermarket Sweep shit. This is like a photo spread straight out of Vogue Chernobyl.

And if that isn't enough to leave you reaching for the defibrillator (just pretend for me), I also threw in some pictures of PP and Quween of the Scene walking in the parade of beauty on the ho stroll yesterday.

During your daily spiritual ritual (aka eating Popeye's in between bong hits) make sure you throw in a good thought/prayer for Phoebe Price's mother/assistant Flora who was recently diagnosed with cancer. That's why the chicken cutlets at the grocery store looked extra weepy yesterday.

PP delivered the sad news to Celebrity Nation while working the famewhore stroll in Los Angeles yesterday. But don't worry, PP isn't going to let the sadness fade her freckles. Just two beats after giving us sad face news, PP perked up and announced that not only is she shooting her own show (premiering on the TV in the Foster Farms break room), but she will also be on RuPaul's Drag Race in February. Nothing can keep a Hot Babe of the Millennium down.

Here's more of Chicken Cutlets dealing with her grief along with Quween on the Scene and Hofit "My Titties Hate Each Other" Golan.

Can you believe the decade is already over? It seems like it was just yesterday that we were all boozing, bonging and blowjobbing in 2000. And now we're going to be boozing, bonging and blowjobbing in 2010! CRAZY! Time flies when you're a drunken whore.

Anyway, I want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year! And if you've already banged in the new year, I want to wish you good luck, because I'm sure your drunk ass is doing one of the following right now: a) trying to protect your asshole in jail b) trying to break into your local free clinic to get a hold of a morning-after pill or c) trying to find a church that is still open so that you can cleanse your sin-covered skin in a bowl of holy water.

And I also want to thank you for joining me during this year full of fuckery. When I dry heaved, you dry heaved right next to me. When I slapped my nipples and pinched my taint, you slapped your nipples and pinched your taint right next to me. When I worshiped at the feet of Chicken Cutlets, you logged off and called Bellevue. We did it together. And hopefully, we'll do it all over again next year.

Speaking of Chicken Cutlets, here she is to wish all of you a frecklelicious 2010! Now log off and call Bellevue. I'll be waiting with a Straitjacket Snuggie on. Happy New Year!

All you aspiring supermodels out there should whip out your notepads and carefully study these pictures of Phoebe Price posing for her life at the Farmer's Market in L.A. yesterday. You will be wowed as you watch Chicken Cutlets put the likes of Kate Moss to shame as she poses with everything from a distant relative (above) to a tabloid magazine to a plastic Santa Claus at Rite-Aid. There's not an inanimate object PP can't pose with!

This is seriously like a master class at Barbizon.

There is not a pumpkin in all the land that Chicken Cutlets can't pose with! Last year, PP struck the same "look, my breasts are actually squash" pose with bigger pumpkins. This year, PP decided to go smaller since we're in a recession and all. Yes, PP is sensitive to world issues!

PP is even working so hard to bring you the glamour that she ripped her own pants! Or maybe her dog Henry finally snapped and attacked her ass in the car? Possible.

And is that a "no posing with pumpkins" sign in the last thumbnail? PP queefs (don't picture that or you may bleed internally) on that sign! You can't keep an international supermodel DOWN.

International supermodel Phoebe Price never ever gets a moment off! Even while she's getting a parking ticket, she manages to pose like she's on a cover shoot for Vogue Kazakhstan! Actually, the cop on a bike might have been giving her a ticket for famewhoring on the stroll without a license. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that PP doesn't miss a beat!

Do you think she poses like a pro when she's on the toilet? Of course she does, because you never know when a camera flash is going to go off! Take that, Ty Ty!

BEHOLD! Grab a raw chicken cutlet and worship the hardest working seat warmer in the game. International supermodel and the star of Colonel Sanders' wet dreams Phoebe Price was the epitome of elegance and grace at the Emmys tonight in a ravishing clearance section gown from Victoria's Secrets Clash of the Titans collection.

If there was a sudden gust of wind, we'd really see where the red fern grows. Seriously, that dress is really close to showing Chicken Cutlet's Morris the cat! Thinking about it is giving me heart palpitations. Throw a little Lawry's seasoned salt at me!

They don't even need to bother with going on with the rest of the show, because this is the ONLY moment any of us cared about (I'll blow weed smoke in your face if you agree with me). I mean, look at the second thumbnail. The Emmys golden angel is turning her back and is about to go home, because she knows she cannot compete with the poultry goddess that is Phoebe Price!

International supermodel, premiere seat filler, poultry activist and ginge goddess Phoebe Price showed off her ticket to this Sunday's Emmy Awards, which she just picked up at Kinko's. PP told the paps that she will walk down the red carpet, past the theater and into the door marked "kitchen staff." JOKES! PP will be there, because it's not an award show without her flexing her cutlets in the audience. The real reason Kanye flipped a bitch at the VMAs was because PP was not present, so the chi in the theater was off. PP's like a stick of incense.

And below is a short clip of PP being interviewed at the premiere of Michael Moore's new documentary in L.A. the other night. PP said her Kristin Calamariorwhatever hand-me-down was made by "Catherine Palestina." Methinks PP either meant Catherine Malandrino or Kira Plastinina. Both designers need to immediately file documents to legally change their name to "Catherine Palestina," because PP is always right.

Wait, or maybe Catherine Palestina is Windsor Fashions new head designer. Possible.

It's been a while since we caught up with international supermodel and Hot Babe of the Millennium Phoebe Price and that's because she's been really busy becoming the Donald Trump of the hat world! In this clip, PP talks about how they can't keep her one-of-a-kind superglued creations on the shelves, because bitches keep snatching 'em up! Everyone wants a Chicken Cutlets original on their head! Even that hillbilly prostitot Miley Cyrus has been touched by PP (Not like that, Chris Hansen).

My ass will never be able to afford such chicken-crafted exquisiteness, so I just plop a used Perdue poultry tray on my head and pretend!

The paparazzi lost their minds when international supermodel and premiere seat filler Phoebe Price hit the streets of Beverly Hills yesterday! All cameras were on Chicken Cutlets, because the paps got bored with shooting plants, the sidewalk, rolly pollies, homeless people and the sky. NO! The truth is, HoHan and Susan Boyle were mouth fucking down the street while Miley Cyrus ran nekkid around them, but the paps decided to shoot PP instead. They know what the public really want to see.

And the "I gave up my job at Radio Shack for this" side-eye the pap in the middle is giving sums it all up.