White Oprah

Michael Lohan is totally jelly that he doesn't have a "Father of the Year" plaque from the 99 cent store hanging over his broken radiator. White Oprah was honored for her superb parent skills by Mingling Moms earlier this week and Michael thinks it's a joke.

He blasted off to Page Six about it, "Are you kidding! Top celebrity mom? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. I guess they forgot to mention how this top super-mom leaves her kids alone at night and even parties in their presence. Just wait until we go back to court. She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling 'Oh, [bleep],' when she saw the paparazzi."

Um...that's exactly what a top celebrity mom does. I'm sure there's a handbook somewhere that states you must come stumbling out of a club with bloodshot eyes, cursing at the paps at least once a week.

White Oprah pulled out the jelly card when she responded to Michael's rant, "He's jealous that I got the award. He even called the organizers and tried to talk them out of giving it to me." The organizers probably responded with, "Sorry. We already cashed her check." Take that Michael!

She also said she has a restraining order on his ass until 2011, but she's afraid he will break the order by trying to contact her directly. "I'm getting nervous. Lindsay came to town two weeks ago and wanted security guys there in case he showed up. His parole officer needs to see what he's doing and realize that he cannot address me directly or indirectly. He wears a tracking device and they'll know if he comes anywhere near me. He's on a mission to destroy me."

Paranoid much? Sweetie needs to lay off the white grains. It's effing with her brains and her nose. Seriously, I could shove a Hummer up those nostrils.

Here's some pictures of Mother of the Year, White Oprah, with her 35-year-old daughter at the Candies Foundation Benefit in NYC last night. Ali Lohan looks like she had a little filler put in, but I'm sure it's natural. White Oprah put a little coke on her lips to plump them up a bit. There's no way she'd let her daughter get injected with filler. She's a top mom!

If you stare deep enough into White Oprah's nostrils in the picture above, you can see Colombia.....

Anyway, when I heard Mingling Moms named White Oprah as one of their "Mothers of the Year," I thought it was a really late April Fool's Joke. It wasn't. White Oprah showed up yesterday to pick up her $2 plaque. Mingling Moms could have at least put White Oprah instead of Dina Lohan on that shit.

Newsday asked 45-year-old White Oprah what kind of advice she gives to HoHan, WO said, "Just to be honest and to stay morally correct. And listen to your mother." She forgot to add, "And steal more fur coats, because my mortgage is due."

The HBIC of Mingling Moms said this about WO, "Dina is such a dedicated mom. Through all the ups and downs of Lindsay, she has been by her side.” The last part of that quote must have been cut off. It should read "by her side doing lines."

Here's some pics of White Oprah with her momma at the awards ceremony yesterday.

White Oprah has been named one of Long Island's Top 20 Moms by Mingling Moms. The organization told OK! Magazine there's nothing really behind it. They just compiled a list of moms of celebrities in the Long Island area. Basically, anybody can be on the list. Too bad Lynne Spears doesn't live in Long Island. She missed out.

A rep said, “We’re just honoring celebrity moms on Long Island. It’s something for Mother’s Day. It’s a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children.” Other women on the list include Alec Baldwin's mommy, Mariah Carey's mommy, Natalie Portman's mommy and Billy Joel's mommy.

White Oprah is planning to attend the awards ceremony tomorrow. That's if she doesn't get wasted and oversleeps.

I'm sorry, but the only organization that should be allowed to name White Oprah as their "mother of the year" is Anheuser-Busch.

14-year-old Ali Lohan, daughter of White Oprah, has started filming "Mostly Ghostly" in Los Angeles. Ali is making her feature film debut as a "a popular high school senior" reports People. A source said the role is similar to HoHan's role in "Mean Girls."

14 playing 17?! Ali could pass for 25, so the make-up and lighting people have their work cut out for them to make her look 17.

Now that Ali has landed her first film role, she's well on her way to following in her sister's mess steps. DUI, rehab, rinse and repeat!

Michael Lohan has to do something to stay in the news, so he's decided to reopen his divorce case against White Oprah. Divorce: The Sequel. It's going to be shittier than the first one. Michael told Rush & Molly that he gave her everything and she still has made it hard for him to see his kids.

He said, "Even though my father is dying and my mother was in a car accident on Easter, my parents still haven't seen my children." Those kids are too busy being whored out by White Oprah for their new reality show. I'm surprised White Oprah hasn't let her kids visit their dying grandfather with the cameras rolling on them. That would be perfect for the season finale.

Speaking of White Oprah's reality show, Michael Lohan thinks she stole his idea and he's suing her for it. "Living Lohan" is set to debut on E! this Summer. Michael said, "It's the exact same show I pitched. She even used my title."

Isn't Michael a born-again? Born-agains should not lie! A few months ago Michael said this about White Oprah's reality show, "I am definitely not looking for my own reality show. That's Dina's thing, and I've got my own thing."

Those Lohan kids don't stand a chance.

White Oprah, her mother and her 14-year-old daughter infected Harlem yesterday....WAIT. Let's put this shit on pause for a minute. How in the name of Herbie is Ali Lohan 14?! I mean, maybe this girl is on to something. Maybe looking like a twice divorced mother of three who works as a telemarketer by day and a NJ taxi dancer by night is the new thing for teen girls? OLD is new, I guess. Ali better take a good look at Granny Lohan, because that's what she's going to look like in 10 years.

As I was typing......White Oprah and clan visited a community center in Harlem, because they wanted to give back. BIG HA! They were there to shoot scenes for their new reality show.

You have to see the pictures below of White Oprah busting a move. The girls are laughing at her ass!

It's White Oprah day here on Dlisted. What have you done to deserve two White Oprah posts almost back to back? Well, you took a doody this morning and didn't wipe. I saw you.

Anyway, W.O. spoke to PageSix.com at the premiere of "High School Confidential" about her new reality show. She said they had no choice, because "tabloids and reality shows are not going away. If they know who Ali is as a person, it’s better.”

She went on to say, "We're doing it, because it's not going away. We're going to find a way to navigate through the waters of that, tabloidisim and just try to have a career and be successful. There's no protection like the old days."

No choice? I'm surprised she didn't say Lindsay Lohan had no choice to get nude for a magazine, because the paparazzi were getting pictures of her hooha. White Oprah is amazing. She actually believes the garbage that comes out of her wrinkly lips. She probably practiced that speech in front of her magnificent magnifying mirror.

Michael Lohan was also at the premiere and was looking hot in Bugle Boy jeans. He also talked about the Lohan reality show, “Lindsay is a silver screen star; she’s an actress. I don’t think the reality genre is a place for her and I don’t think she thinks so either.”

Silver screen star? He's drinking from the same glass as White Oprah. Yeah, reality isn't the place for her. Porn is!

It's been too long since I've seen this crusty and over-processed version of Mama Rose. Oh how I've missed White Oprah. W.O. dragged her 45-year-old daughter, Ali Lohan, out to meet Lindsay Lohan for dinner last night in NYC. Aren't they a lovely family. Dirty, but lovely. I could wring all them out and probably provide Sunset Tan with enough fake tan liquid to last them a few years. Recycling!

And why must Lindsay always fuck the camera with her eyes? Must this slut try to fuck everything? Not even cameras are safe. I totally love her gorilla pubic hair coat. It must have cost her a pennies. Yeah right, she stole it.

White Oprah's reality TV masterpiece will debut this Summer on E! The show has tentatively been called "Living Lohan" and will follow White Oprah as she tries to make a star out of 14-year-old Ali Lohan. The other Lohan kids will also be featured, but White Oprah is the star. FINALLY! She is the real star of the family.

E! said, “The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today. This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining.”

Rolls with the punches? More like knows how to roll the blunts. I can't wait to follow the Lohan family as they get drunk, go fake tanning and....what else do they do?

Source: People

White Oprah loves her "statements," so it's only fitting that she issues one regarding Lindsay's nude shoot for New York Magazine. White Oprah said the photographs are art. Like this bitch knows what art is. She probably thinks Van Gogh is a very talented calendar artist.

White Oprah told People, "It was very tastefully done. "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother."

Showing your tits is showing your tits. There's nothing wrong with it, but dudes will jack off to her "art pics" the same way they would jack off to Playboy pics. They see tits and they whip it out.

White Oprah said Lindsay did the shoot, because she felt she would never get this chance again and she feels connected to Marilyn. "For Christmas, my girlfriends even gave her a Marilyn cookie jar. I think there's a sadness that Lindsay feels for Marilyn. Lindsay really saw it as a gift back to someone." It was a gift to millions of prepubescent boys that have been playing her sex scene in "I Know Who Killed Someone" over and over again. They have new material!

It was also ok with White Oprah or she wouldn't have sent over her 14-year-old daughter to watch! "I wouldn't have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there, that was risqué."

She sent Ali over, because she wanted to show her what she's going to be doing in 4 years. White Oprah likes to prepare her meal tickets.

P.S. - I know I've used that pic before, but I use it any chance I get.