Sarah Jessica Parker

These hags need to go back to the stable and only come out when they have Rojo Caliente with them. And by "hags" I mean Sarah Jessica Parker. Who told her that she had the right to dress up like Holly Golightly? More like Holly Gofugly. Or Holly Gogallopawayandonlycomebackwhenyouhaverojowithyou. Or Holly Gocleanyourfuckingdressbecausetheresjizzonit. Seriously, did SJP wear Matthew Broderick's Holly Golightly Halloween costume? That's the only reason I can think of on why there's man chowder all over it. Blame Nathan Lane. The queen doesn't know how to control his cum shots. Barf. And double barf.

SJP looked like something out of "Breakfast at the Corral" at the "Sex and the City" DVD launch party in NYC last night. Kim Cattrall brought her boy toy. And once again, Cynthia Nixon kept Rojo Caliente away from the cameras. Jealous ginge! The other bitch from SATC wasn't there for reasons unknown. I forgot her name. You know, the chick who busted her head on the pool at "Melrose Place." Yeah, that ho.

Here's more from the party last night. I added an overused and old picture of Rojo. Pretend it's new. Seeing Rojo's beautiful face has me singing "Where Are You Rojo?" to the tune of "Where Are You Christmas?"

Candace Bushnell, the author of "Sex and the City," is writing a teen novel about Carrie Bradshaw's filly years. Sex and the Locker Room! Sex and Detention! Sex and Homeroom! You get it.

Candace said: "I've always been interested in exploring Carrie's teenage years. Carrie in high school did not follow the crowd - she led it. It was there that she began observing and commenting on the social scene."

HarperCollins, the bitches publishing the book, said: "Teenagers are rabid fans of the Sex and the City book and show. I can't wait to see what happens when Candace turns her sharp eye for social commentary to the other competitive jungle that is high school."

Teenagers in high school are probably having more sex than me, so I guess this makes sense. Although, I think I liked this idea better when it was called "Square Pegs." Seriously. That shit was sort of like SATC. Not really, but let's just pretend for once.

Obviously, Patty Green is Carrie Bradshaw. Muffy Tepperman is Charlotte, LaDonna Fredericks is Miranda and Jennifer DiNuccio is Samantha. And what about Lauren Hutchinson? Well, I guess she's Stanford.

Source: USWeekly

Matthew Broderick and SJP just so happened to run into the paps as they left a restaurant together in NYC last night. Please, you know those bitches texted the paps. I would say call, but who does that anymore?

Last week, Star Magazine claimed Matthew is having an affair with a chick. Yes, a woman. A biological woman. Obviously, since SJP and Matthew are out together, this must mean their marriage is just peachy.

I'm surprised Matthew didn't grab SJP, dip her, suck on her pony lips, and declare his love for her in front of everyone. Shit, they should have just done fuckey fuckey times in front of the paps, so everyone would know that their marriage isn't in the troff.

And what is going on with Matthew? He used to be semi-cute, right? Now he just looks like he spends way too much time in his basement, watching really kinky gay porn while eating an entire box of Vanilla Wafers.

Also, I didn't know they were Buddhists. Isn't the white string a Buddhist thing? I should become a Buddhist. I like white strings.

Slap me with a 10-inch dick! There's no way Matthew Broderick cheated on My Little Pony Parker with a woman! Had the cover read "....With a 25-year-old pony" or "....With a 25-year-old dude," then I would believe it!

According to Star Magazine, Matthew met some 25-year-old youth counselor in a bar. Shortly after they met, Matthew and the redhead started text messaging and then they began seeing each other. The chick's friend claims they do sexy times at the townhouse of one of Matthew's friends. That must be some friend. I would never let one of my friends spread their genital fungus all over my good shit.

I doubt Matthew and the redhead were doing sexy times. They were playing Matthew's favorite game, "Broadway Divas." Matthew plays Ethel Merman and the redhead plays Gwen Verdon. Matthew is a total theater fag. My Little Pony doesn't play that game with Matthew, because she's too busy being the fucking breadwinner.

When asked for a comment, MLP said, "Neigh, Neigh, Neeeeeeiggggghhhh."

The Daily Mail thinks My Little Pony Parker finally got her witch's mole removed. Matthew Broderick probably couldn't take it anymore, so he finally chewed it off. She showed up to the MLB All-Star game at Yankees Stadium last night without her mole.

You can still see a small mark. Maybe she covered that shit up or maybe she removed it for medical reasons. What am I saying? Who really gives an eff?! Although, I will miss the mole. The mole made her look even more like Witchie Poo. Witchie Poo is a hot bitch.

And I don't know about the mole, but her prune hands look like they've been soaking in the bath for fucking years. Bitch needs some cocoa butter.

A sequel to the queef orgy known as "Sex and the City" is in the works. As soon as this shit opened with a gazillion dollars at the box office, I knew My Little Pony Parker immediately held a meeting at her barn to ask HBO how many more carrots and sugar cubes they are going to give her for the sequel.

At the TCA press tour, one of the HBICs of HBO said, "There is enormous interest by Warner Bros. and New Line to do another Sex and the City and I think in fact they're trying to put that together now. When that happens or how long it would take, I can't say. But there's tremendous interest." He went on to sqwak that they were all "heartened by the enthusiasm from the [Sex and the City] fans and by the new fans." No, they are all shitting in their diapers at the amount of cash it made.

They would be stupid to not put out a sequel. I mean, when I went to see this estrogen fiesta in the theaters, dozens of vaginas practically exploded for it. They all came dressed up and were screaming like they just saw a 10-inch dick. Shit, I'm a big ass girl, but even that was too much for me. I had to pop testerone pills just to bring my estrogen levels down.

I'm ok with a sequel as long as it's called "Sex and the City 2: It's ROJO CALIENTE Time!"

Source

My Little Pony Parker and her big gay husband, Matthew Broderick, love to smoke all day and all night and don't see to mind that it sees to be affecting their 5-year-old son, James Wilke.

Ferrus Bueller told New York Magazine (via Us), "He's already curious. I can just see the little budding gene of a smoker in there. He'll see a cigarette butt and say, 'What is that? Why do people smoke?'"

Little James will be trading in his big wheel for a pack of Camels any day now. Matthew went on to say, "I used to smoke cigarettes, and I still do, lately. I gave that up a long time ago, but every now and then I will fall off for a week." And he said My Little Pony is worse. Pony needs to trade that ciggie for a nutritious carrot. It will make her mane shinier.

It could be worse! He could be Wino's kid. If he was Wino's kid, he would have been shooting up between his little toes before he could even walk.

You know what's more offensive than Ferris not seeming to mind that his kid might grow up to be a smoker? The fact that they put the poor boy in CROCS! CROCS!!!!! CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!

My Little Pony Parker wore this silver trash bag dress to the NYC premiere of "Sex and the City." It was supposed to be a big moment for Pony and now it's been ruined thanks to that trash bag dress. You see, the Nina Ricci rag was worn earlier this month by Lauren Davis. It was also worn by Lezzy Lohan for a Harper's Bazaar shoot.

My Little Pony feels that she was duped by Nina Ricci. She was told the dress was only wore for magazine shoots and never on the red carpet. She told The New York Times, “In the big picture, this is not important, but there is a relationship between the entertainment industry and fashion. We’ve watched sales dwindle and we’ve watched people be less inclined to spend money on clothes. Look, my affection for the dress hasn’t changed, but what they did was so short-sighted. It’s just unethical and disappointing that they would allow the dress to be worn again.”

Unethical?! We're talking about a stupid ass dress made out of trash bags! Besides, I saw that same dress on a homeless lady in the park last week and she looked way hotter.

The HBIC of Nina Ricci said he was "upset that she's upset." Pony will get over it. He just needs to give Pony a sugar cube, pet her gently on the head and tell her that "she's such a pretty girl."

It was bound to happen. Somebody launched a website called SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com. We need to call Peta, because this shit is horse abuse! How dare they compare those innocent horsies to her annoying ass. Demeaning!

If you're planning on seeing the SATC movie this weekend, you might save your 10 (12?) clams and spend a few minutes on SJPLH.com instead. After reading the movie's reviews, this website might prove to be a little more entertaining.

Yeah, I'm still going to see that hag and vag show. I'm praying for a Rojo Caliente cameo. I know it's not going to happen, but let a homo dream.

Thanks Becki

Sarah Jessica Parker, CHECK! Kim Cattrall, CHECK! Kirsten Davis, CHECK! Jennifer Hudson, CHECK! Cynthia Nixon, CHECK! Rojo Caliente..... Rojo Caliente? Yup. No fucking Rojo Caliente aka Christina Marinoni aka Cynthia Nixon's hot ginge girlfriend! Can you believe this shit?

I almost didn't post any of these pictures, because what's the point? The only person I care about did not show her hot ass! The organizers of the "Sex and the City" premiere in NYC last night should have shut this shit down. It ain't a party without Rojo Caliente!

Maybe she's hiding under My Little Pony's space blanket dress? She got scared when she saw all these old hags together in one place. I don't blame her.

Anyway, here's all these old hookers in fugly dresses at the SATC NYC premiere last night. They all look like shit. Well, except for Cynthia. She looks beautiful, because she has the love of Rojo Caliente.