Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have a pair of brand new BABIES!! at home, and she told Elle Magazine that her heart fills up whenever she smells her twins' freshly baked butt cookies straight out of the oven. SJP is not right for making me picture her sniffing on used diapers like an apple pie cooling on the window sill. NASTY SCAT HO:

“I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.”

Either SJP's neighborhood bakery should be shut down by the health department or her babies eat a lot of hay, carrots and sugar cubes.

I know it was confirmed that recent Twitter drop-out Miley Cyrus was going to be in the next Sex and the City movie, but I didn't think they would actually go through it. Well, they have! Last night, Billy Ray's pet chipmunk shot scenes with Kim Cattrall and SJP at the Ziegfeld Theater in NYC.

SPOILER ALERT: The scenes obviously involves Samantha and Miley showing up to a movie premiere in the same exact outfit. This probably forces Samantha to run into the bathroom and make a gown out of toilet liners, maxi-pads and condom wrappers. Everything goes fine until Carrie just can't help herself and starts chewing on Samantha's dress. COMEDY!

Miley isn't the only one dropping in on the sequel. SATC2: Attack of the Dry Lady Parts also features cameos by Liza Minnelli, Barbara Streisand, Tim Gunn, and Penny Cruz.

Kim Cattrall, Mrs. Rojo Caliente, SJP and Kristin Davis reunited for today on the NYC set of Sex in the City 2: Why Isn't Rojo In This Shit Already?!.

As much as I love seeing these bitches slowly killing their feet by wearing heels even Satan would hiss at, Rojo Caliente Time is long overdue! Sigh. I'll just keep hoping that Rojo makes a cameo in the movie as an all grown-up Brady in a dream sequence.

And I'm also hoping that in the sequel, Kim Cattrall finds out that she is actually a mannequin who used to be an ancient Egyptian. The SATC sequel obviously needs some Meshach Taylor.

UPDATE: YES, the drought is over! Rojo Caliente was spotted on the set of SATC today. Maybe my dream of her as Brody is about to come true! Now, I can quick trolling the Home Depot in Chelsea to get a glimpse of the reclusive ginge rainbow. I got my fix...for now. (Thanks Shayna for the tip!)

When RPattz was filming in NYC, he always had to beware of crazed horny bitches trying to attack him like a bunch of dirty hyenas on carcass. Well, now that he's long gone they need someone to slobber over and that someone is Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, this doesn't seem right, but the world spins a different way nowadays.

Gatecrasher reports that security on The Golden Girls in the City movie is so tight that it looks like the president is in town. Crazy fans show up to the set at 7 in the morning hoping to catch a glimpse of one of those bitches.

When SJP was filming a scene the other day, a bunch of loony teen girls gathered around her and tried to pet her mane and feed her sugar cubes. One witness said, "At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way." SJP seemed concerned about the situation and told her security not to be so rough with the crazies.

Motherhell! Those bitches are acting like they've come in contact with the rare gayelle rainbow that is Rojo Caliente! I mean, I could understand going into convulsions if you're near Rojo, but not SJP! Shameful.

Here's some pictures of SJP outside of her house yesterday and also some pictures of Kim Cattrall looking like a prettier, younger, fresher version of Kiki Dunst while making her way to the SATC2 set.

No, this is not a still from the Fatal Attraction remake starring Seabiscuit's great great granddaughter. Although, I'd rather see that shit than a SATC sequel.

Here's Sarah Jessica Parker channeling her inner "Alex Forrest" on the set of Sex and the City 2: Don't Look A Gift Horse in the Mouth in NYC yesterday. By the looks of these pictures, SJP is shooting some kind of flashback scene, which means she's supposed to be 25 years younger.

Methinks we're going to be seeing the ladies running around in outfits from T.J. Maxx and sipping on Strawberry Hill-tinis (delicious), because most of the movie's budget is being used on some CGI shit. Industrial Light & Magic, Carrie Bradshaw is on line 2!

Sarah Jessica Parker stuffed her veiny hooves (which kind of look like pesto chicken) into a pair of Louboutins (pronounced: overpriced shit) for the first day of filming on Sex (Only With The Help Of Replens) and the Retirement Community 2. That means you will probably see endless amounts of pictures of the 3 hags and Mrs. Rojo Caliente frolicking all over NYC while filming this mess. I can't wait to see Samantha working a Louis Vuitton colostomy bag.

Personally, I'm excited about this for one reason and one reason only: Possibly new pictures of the reclusive gayelle unicorn that is ROJO CALIENTE!!! YES! It's been ages. I tried to lure her out by leaving a trail of Home Depot coupons, but it didn't work.

SJP and her pocket gay have released a picture of their adorable week-old twin pink Band-Aids! Why are SJP, Matthew and James Wilke all staring at the one of the left? Does she have a snot bubble in her nose or something? Do people always stare at babies like that? No wonder they always have their eyes closed, because hos are always in their damn business.

And if Matthew continues to hold his new daughter like that, she's going to be a skilled yoga babeh by the time she's 1. Homegirl is almost touching her toes with the top of her head. What is that pose called?

That's why I don't like holding BABIES!!! Holding babies is hard.

It's been pretty quiet on the "Over the Moon" front and I was beginning to think that maybe that horrific phrase slide back into the mouth of Satan where it belongs forever. No, it's alive and it's made a comeback thanks to stupid asses SJP and Matthew Broderick. And you thought moon jumping was only for cows! Damn them.

As some of your asses may know, SJP and Matthew's surrogate gave birth to twinsies last night and now we know their names!

"Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are delighted to announce the healthy arrival of their two daughters. Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick weighed 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and Tabitha Hodge Broderick weighed 6 pounds. Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker's side. The babies are doing beautifully and the entire family is over the moon."

Based on those names, I'm guessing the surrogate gave birth to twin crotchety old memaws who sit on their porch all day yelling at the neighborhood kids for trampling all over their petunias. BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT for real! Those names smell like boiled prunes, corn starch and Polident.

Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge are probably OVER for their parents for giving them a couple of names that only belong on a social security check.

VIA E! News

....and toast to Matthew Broderick and SJP, because they are the proud gay parents of twin BABIES!!!!! WTRF says that their surrogate popped out matching girls at East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry late last night. Yeah, they had to use a leased baby oven, because Matthew's peen shrinks like a salty slug every time it gets near a pussay.

Matthew and SJP are supposed to make some kind of official announcement this afternoon. If they don't include names in their announcement, I will stalk every glory hole in Manhattan (yes, I'll be there anyway) until I find Matthew so that I can shave his prized hairy pork chops off his face!

I'm guessing that Matthew wants to name the girls Liza and Judy, but SJP has Flicka and Seabiscuit in mind. Liza Flicka and Judy Seabiscuit it is!

You know how there were rumors that Matthew Broderick was stepping out on SJP and they were going to quit their marriage? Well, everything's just wonderful now, because they are having twin BAND-AIDS BABIES!!!! Don't worry, SJP's sexy filly body isn't going to get all fat, because they are using a surrogate.

A rep for Matthew, 47, and SJP, 44, confirmed the news to E! and said they are having two daughters. The two already have a 6-year-old son named James Wilkie.

They had to hire a professional baby oven. They had no choice. I'm sure SJP tried to do sexy times with Matthew, but every time he sees a live vagina, he gets all giggly and then breaks into the title number from "Hello Dolly!" complete with jazz hands galore. He does that whenever he gets nervous. Then SJP neighs to herself and gallops off all frustrated-like. So, this was the only way.