Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell left a costume party in Ponzo, Italy last night dressed like Pocabeatyoass and looking like she wanted to scalp a bitch! When Naomi gives bitchface, you better either get on your knees and pray or call 911. Every Blackberry within a 1-mile vicinity shut down.

Naomi was at the party with her hot ass billionaire boyfriend Vladimir Doronin. You know, dude must love it when Naomi whoops his nutsack with her Blackberry and scratches at his ass lips with her nails, because I don't know how it's possible that they've been together this long. Vladimir is into beat n' boning and Naomi is into hardcore money. It's the secret to their success!

You have not made it as a pap until you've been maimed, whipped, shanked or smacked by Naomi "Beat A Bitch" Campbell! A photographer in Italy says he is now a member of The Naomi Campbell Victims' Club and has the bruises (aka precious badges) to prove it!

Gaetano Di Giovanni says he was taking pictures of Naomi and her hot billionaire piece on the island of Lipari when the next thing he knew, her claw was on his face. Gaetano told La Repubblica (via Daily Mail) that Naomi beat him with her purse and then scratched at his left eye. Naomi's boyfriend and her bodyguards had to drag her away, so she wouldn't do anymore damage to the pap. They probably had to give her the q-tip so her crazy ass would calm down! Seriously, you know her ass has an orgasm every time she smacks a skank. When she punches a bitch, her pussy pops!

Naomi's spokeswhore has called this whole story a bunch of lies. The police in Lipari said that no report has been filed. More like the report was accidentally filed into the trash can, because even the po po knows not to eff with Naomi.

Hopefully that blue noodle Naomi Campbell is carrying will be used for pleasure and not pain on her billionaire boyfriend. I don't know how that bitch caught herself a hot Russian billionaire, but she better do whatever it takes to keep his ass. The only thing better than a hot billionaire is a Russian one. Every gift they give you is probably covered in diamonds and gold. Instead of giving you a credit card to go shopping with, they give you solid gold bars. We all need a hot Russian billionaire in our lives. Naomi's Russian billionaire probably cums money and vodka. He is absolutely perfect.

Naomi better drug and marry this one before it's too damn late! And if she ever thinks of throwing a Blackberry at him, she better beat herself with it instead. Wait. Maybe he's into getting beat down by Naomi. That would make sense. If that's the case, Naomi must have somehow done right by the gods, because she might be the luckiest bitch alive.

Here's Naomi and her hot piece of pure gold in the Maldives with Stefano Gabbano and his toy. If they had beaches in West Hollywood, this is what that shit would look like. Speedos, long tubes and Naomi Campbell!

That poor baby has no idea that his life is literally in Naomi Campbell's hands. The people around her are probably trying to keep quiet as to not upset her. If they do, she would totally throw that innocent baby at them.

Naomi visited a children's hospital in Nigeria this weekend where she donated some toys. She also spoke to reporters about her bad behavior.

She said, “I’m not a bad person. When people say all these negative things about me, I ignore them. Let them be negative - but do that away from me. It hurts but I know there is much more good in the world."

Whoever said she was a bad person? She might be an insane cunt who regularly attacks defenseless people for no reason, but is she a bad person? Okay, yes she is.

She went on to say, “I’m blessed to be able to do charitable work and good things but no one focuses on that because I don’t throw it in people’s faces. That’s why they focus on the negatives.”

That's because she's too busy throwing her Blackberry in people's faces.

Naomi the Terrible showed up to Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday dinner last night even though she's been banned from presenting at tomorrow's concert in Hyde Park. Mandela let Naomi come as long as she sat at the kid's table and didn't talk to anybody. Naomi showed up with her new boyfriend, Marcus Elias. New boyfriend did a good job of hiding the bruises on his face because you know Naomi beats his ass.

Other guests at Mandela's birthday dinner included Oprah, Neil Diamond, Forrest Whitaker, Chelsea Clinton and a bunch of other hos. And who the hell does Oprah think she is? Karl Lagerfeld?!

Naomi Campbell is not wanted at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday celebration this weekend in London. Mandela himself demanded that Naomi be taken off the list of presenters. She was supposed to introduce some musical acts and shit, but Mandela is not happy with her recent arrest and now she's been banished to the bleachers.

A source told the Daily Mail, "The man himself intervened and she was pulled off the list. He was disappointed with her recent arrest - particularly as she was wearing a 46664 baseball cap at the time."

46664 was Mandela's inmate number and it's also the name of his AIDS charity. The source went on to say, "The organizers felt that this type of negative publicity goes against everything Mandela stands for and didn't want her arrest to be associated with the charity concert." Naomi and Mandela have been friends for over 10 years and she even called him her "honorary pepaw." Well, she said "grandfather," but you know...

Seriously, you need serious help when even the all-forgiving Nelson Mandela doesn't want to deal with your crazy antics. I mean, even Amy Wino has been invited to take the stage.

Naomi should stay home anyway and spend the night rubbing Rogaine foam on her head.

Naomi Campbell (or Nomi Macamball as my mother calls her) covered her face in shame today as she entered court. Okay, she's not covering her face in shame. She's probably covering her crumbling ass hairline! Homegirl needs to put some manure and donkey piss to make her hair grow back. It works every time. Not really, but I really want to see Naomi put donkey piss on her forehead.

And how the hell did Naomi get Porky Pig's pepaw to be her lawyer?!

So... Naomi pleaded guilty to four charges of being a Grade-A cunt! The charges stem from an incident at Heathrow airport where Naomi freaked out on two police officers. She also called them names like "blonde bitch" and "motherfucker." She so sweet.

Naomi will be sentenced later, but Magistrates told her ass they have a community punishment in mind. NOOO!!!!! Hasn't the community been through enough? Lock her up in the chokey! Maybe the hos in there can fix up her hairline.

UPDATE: Naomi's sentence has been handed down! Naomi was ordered to complete 200 hours of community service. She's escaped the chokey! Unfortunately, the community doesn't have a say in any of this. She will also have to pay $400 to each officer she attacked and $300 to the air captain. (The Sun)

The always gracious Naomi Campbell has once again shown us all what a sweet and lovable person she truly is. Naomi was happily posing for pictures outside Cipriani in London when she suddenly turned into her normal, crazy self and started freaking out.

A source told The London Paper (via Showbiz Spy), "Suddenly Naomi flipped and started swinging her arms about manically. No one could work out what was wrong with her. She was shouting and screaming as her friends desperately tried to get her into the car. She was ranting incomprehensibly."

Oh that Naomi! That's just her way of saying "goodbye and have a good night." At least nobody was killed or maimed this time. Naomi is improving! In her defense, you would be a grouchy bitch too if your hair suddenly decided to pack up and scream, "I quit this bitch!" Even Naomi's hair can't stand her ass!

The other day, I posted pictures of drunk ass Naomi Campbell falling down in Italy. Her agent claims she wasn't drunk and gave the dumbest excuse ever.

The agent told The Sun, “It was just a bit of fun and not down to drink. Naomi was playing this trust game, where you fall into a friend’s arms. It’s very hot there, so that could also have had something to do with it.”

Does her agent think we were just beaten over the head with a Blackberry? Like Naomi plays "trust games." The bitch doesn't trust anyone! She probably gives the mean eye to her mirror reflection thinking its giving her dirty looks.

Besides, nobody with a pulse would play that game with Naomi. If you dropped her ass, you might as well call your family and tell them to make funeral arrangements.

Trust games?! Try again!

Image: INFDaily.com

When Naomi Campbell falls, nobody should laugh. Has anybody heard from the dude in the checkered shirt? His face will be on a milk carton soon.

Drunk ass Naomi was partying in Capri, Italy last night with her man, Marcus Elias, when she stumbled and hit the ground. I'm not even going to laugh out loud because I know she's watching. I'll lock myself in the bathroom and quietly cackle into a towel. I'm not taking any chances.