Naomi Campbell

I'm sure there's a law somewhere stating that it's illegal for Naomi Campbell to hold a baseball bat in public. If there isn't a law, there should be. The dude in back of her is a brave soul. I would have to wear a hard hat and ski mask. Even the slightest dirty look towards Naomi could unleash her rage. She's just waiting for a reason to beat a bitch with that bat.

Here's Naomi shooting scenes for her guest appearance on "Ugly Betty" yesterday.

I'm talking about the lady cop and not Naomi Campbell. The lady cop seriously should have been gripping her taser gun and saying an inside prayer just in case. Who knows when Naomi is going to pounce!

Naomi returned to the scene of the crime, Heathrow Airport, yesterday and stopped to chat with some cops. She even smiled at them! She must be back on her meds. Seriously, she just wanted to show them that the bitch is back and not going away.

She wore those stilettos just in case some shady shit went down. Naomi is always ready.

British Airways reportedly banned Naomi Campbell from flying their airline, because of her crazy outburst that got her arrested. Naomi has fired back by saying she's banning them.

Naomi claims that the airline is begging her back, but the damage is already done and she wants nothing to do with them.

Naomi spoke from Brazil and said, “Someone from BA called me and asked that I return to fly with them but this will not occur so early. They didn’t find my bag – said it wasn’t in the system – and there was a complete disrespect for the passengers. You Brazilians went through the same problem last year." Homegirl was talking about some air traffic controllers strike.

She went on to add, "The case in Terminal 5 at Heathrow was the same thing and I am not speaking for myself. I am speaking for all those who have been disrespected.”

They can't break up with Naomi, because she's breaking up with them! And they shouldn't even try to get her back, because they have already hurt her in the heart. They can try and send flowers and chocolates, but it's not going to work! They can burn up her cell phone with "take me back" texts, but it will never be the same again.

This shit sounds like my last relationship.

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Naomi Campbell visited the HemoRio medical center in Brazil today to take part in a blood drive, but they turned her away. They told Naomi her bloody was too bitchy. No, they said she has to wait until she has surgery in February to remove a cyst. A bitchy cyst.

Naomi wanted to give up some of her blood to help fight a dengue fever epidemic.

I'm surprised she didn't start stabbing them all with needles after they turned her down. Nobody turns Naomi down! Her blood turned them down.

It's ok. Naomi's not alone. I so much as step foot into a blood drive and they all look at me like I'm stepping into church. The joint immediately shuts down and CLOSED signs go up everywhere.

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Thanks Pad

Naomi Campbell getting arrested at Heathrow airport is the bitch that keeps on giving. The Sun reports that Naomi shouted racial slurs at a woman cop during her arrest. She reportedly called the woman a "white slag" among other things. She also called the other cops "white honkeys." Naomi accused the cops of only arresting her, because she's black.

Naomi never ceases to amaze me with her talents. She was shouting, spitting and hurling racial slurs at them? I bet she did all of this while looking fabulous. Probably not. The bitch probably looked beat.

Naomi reportedly told a friend, “It just goes to show I have to fight for who I am. It’s because I’m black.” No honey, it's because you're a cunt. There's a big difference.

A police source said it was a "rich" coming from her, because Naomi was throwing the racial slurs left and right.

Naomi's spokeswhore denies she said any of that, “This doesn’t sound like anything she would say.” Naw, Naomi would be more creative. She is an artist you know. She would say, "You ugly old fat white whore skank cunts bitches!!"

British Airways has dumped Naomi Campbell for good. They have banned the bitch for that little disturbance she caused while flying on them. Naomi's spokeswhore said they hoped to resolve this issue, “Naomi has been flying with BA for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably."

"Amicable" in Naomi-talk means she's going to kill them with her bare hands. Since the bitch has been banned. Can I have her frequent flier miles? I'm not joking.

Virgin Airlines has decided to take care of the problem by offering Naomi rides on their planes. However, they added, “Any decision regarding her future travel with us would depend on the outcome of any court proceedings.”

Fuck BA and fuck Virgin! Naomi should start her own airline called "BeatABitch Air." I would work for them. Below is what their commercial might look like:

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I hope the police officer that Naomi Campbell spat on yesterday has protection from the A-Team, Cujo and Kevin Costner, because the bitch is out! The Goddess of Rage was unleashed from her cell after being arrested for assaulting a police officer at Heathrow airport. Naomi was handcuffed and dragged away screaming.

Naomi was bailed out and is due in court next month. If charges are filed and she's convicted, Naomi could face up to six months in the chokey. Putting Naomi in prison for that long would be a mistake! She would spend her time bulking up and planning her revenge on society. She would come out stronger than ever!

What she really needs is a good week with Dr. Drew, Supernanny and the dog whisperer. If the power of those 3 can't help her, nothing can.

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It's nice to hear that anger management classes really changed Naomi Campbell. She's such a sweet and calm person now. Naomi was arrested at Heathrow today after she allegedly delivered a beat down to a police officer in the first class lounge at Terminal 5 over lost luggage.

Naomi was taken away screaming from a British Airways flight to Los Angeles, because she couldn't find one of her 3 carry-on bags. BA staff told her they would find her bag and forward it on, but Naomi wasn't having it. That's when she was asked to get off the flight. Gulp. That flight attendant must be one with God, because it takes a brave soul to tell Naomi what to do.

The Sun reports that the police were called and she was heard screaming "get off of me" That's when she allegedly attacked one of them. She immediately was taken away to Heathrow police station where I'm sure she gave the officers there quite a laugh.

The flight was held up for more than an hour, because of Naomi's little tizzy.

Once a crazy bitch, always a crazy bitch! Why doesn't shit like this every happen whenever I'm on a flight? I would ask for my salted peanuts early, so I could sit back and enjoy the show.

Naomi Campbell has been hospitalized in Sao Paulo, Brazil for some mysterious infectious disease. The hospital's office told AP that she's being treated by one of the country's top specialists. She had a small cyst removed and flew all the way from London just to have it done. Cyst is Naomi-talk for fat. Lipo!

The hospital said, "The patient and her advisers have determined that the hospital's medical staff will not issue any formal or informal information on her medical condition."

All this mystery! Hmm...I wonder what this mysterious infectious disease could be? Syphilis? Severe Diarrhea? Hep? WAIT! Was she drinking heptinis at Ashton Kutcher's Birthday party? I'm sure it's nothing. Just hand the crazy bitch a bedazzled Blackberry to throw at some scared and innocent nurse. She'll feel ten times better. You can't keep a crazy bitch down.

Thanks Blake

Several South American newspapers are reporting that Naomi Campbell is dating President Hugo Chavez. Naomi interviewed him for GQ Magazine and now the two are in love and shit. Hugo reportedly fell "head over heels" in love with Naomi after they met reports once source. I think they got it wrong. She hit him over the head with her heel and then he fell. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Sources claim they have been dating for two months.

Oh hell no! This is just the first step in Naomi's plan to take over the world. She thinks she's Evita! WEAVEvita! This is kind of hot actually. Naomi as the first lady of Venezuela has a nice ring to it.

Naomi's people have denied the claims, "The interview was a serious portrait for a respected and heavyweight magazine not a lightweight celebrity encounter. The conversation was substantial and the issues discussed were primarily about Mr. Chavez's vision for Venezuela. To suggest that it was anything other than a professional situation is disingenuous and belittles all parties concerned." Yeah right. She's totally doing him.

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Thanks J