Royals

Yesterday, the Ivy rolled out the royal carpet for the Empress of Lucite and that piece of trash Prince Von A-Hole. The always gracious and elegant Shauna Sand allowed that bag of hot donut sweat to bestow her with some cheap lingerie. Being the kind soul that she is, Shauna accepted Prince Von A-Hole's gifts with a beautiful smile. But we all know that the minute she puts on that sleazy shit, her celestial skin will melt it off. The Empress of Lucite is much too pure for tawdry shit like that! Only the finest shit from Paris belongs on her skin.

I'm a little worried for her, though. She didn't wear her exquisite lucite heels yesterday, which means her powers weren't as strong. This is probably why Prince Von A-Hole was able to touch her without his greasy paws getting burned by her blistering elegance.

Here's more of the natural beauty with a nasty beast on Robertson Blvd. in Los Angeles yesterday.

A British royal skank went on a drunken streaking rampage on the grounds of their fancy ass boarding school this weekend. Unfortunately, it wasn't Prince Hot Ginge. He was too busy sucking vodka through his urethra. It was Princess Eugenie, daughter of Fergie and sister of Princess Bug Eyes.

18-year-old Eugenie was found "frolicking" under the moon with a bunch of friends. That's so....Shakespearean. One of the HBICs woke up and busted their bare asses.

A source said, "She and the others were told they had to go home and only return to take their exams. There were not enough staff on Saturdays and Sundays to supervise them, and they were told they couldn’t be trusted to behave." Yeah, because they are so bad ass!

Oh Eugenie, you so scandalous! Seriously, that's child's play shit! I was running around naked and drunk when I was like 2. Shit, I think we all are. Eugenie needs to step it up. Do some ho shit.

Next time, she needs to bring Prince Hot Ginge along, get him to take it all off and document it with a 4-person camera the crew. The world desperately needs to see video footage of the elusive hot ginge creature in all its naked glory.

Thanks Mathew

Prince Hot Ginge is killing me softly. The other day he was photographed in a tux and now he's holding a baby. He's giving me a sign. He's ready to get married and start a family. I'm coooooming Hot Ginge!!!

Just wait one second. In the first thumbnail below, is he telling us how big his carrot stick is? Oh, eff that! That's a deal breaker right there.

Here's Prince Hot Ginge touring University Hospital in Cardiff, Wales.

Now I know what Prince Hot Ginge will look like on our wedding day! I can't wait to Photoshop my gay ass into these pictures. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom with these pictures and a big piece of ginger root. Stings so good.

Forbes Magazine has put out a list of the "20 Hottest Young Royals" in the world. You know, because the oldie olsens at Forbes really know what's hot and sexy. The mag only considered unmarried royals under the age of 35. Guess who was number 1? Nope, not Princess Buggy Eyes. Nope, not Prince Hot Ginge either. Prince Willy was number 1! RECOUNT! Prince Willy should have been number 19 and his bald spot should have been number 20.

The list should have looked like this:

1: Prince Hot Ginge!
2: Princess Bea
3. Clay Gayken (he is the biggest queen in the world)

Here's how Forbes' Top 10 looked:

1. Prince William (Britain)
2. Prince Harry (Britain)
3. Zara Phillips (Britain)
4. Princess Beatrice (Britain)
5. Charlotte Casiraghi (Monaco)
6. Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum (Dubai)
7. Princess Victoria (Sweden)
8. Prince Azim (Brunei)
9. Prince Carl Philip (Sweden)
10. Andrea Casiraghi (Monaco)

Visit CNN to see the rest of the list.

Thanks JenRo

The Original Fergie has had it with the British press trashing her 19-year-old daughter's ass. Fergie has spoken out about a comment made by Allison Pearson of the Daily Mail. Allison had this to say about pictures of Princess Beatrice in a bikini, "Can't someone buy that girl a sarong? For her sake, as well as ours."

Yup, that's all she said. That's fucking Disney shit compared to what you're probably thinking. Hopefully, Fergie can't read minds or we'll all get a royal beat down.

Fergie told the NYDN during a press conference for her new reality show, "Touch me, fine, but don't touch my children. This woman (Pearson), I would like to go to her house, to see her family. Should we focus on her derriere?" FYI, here's what Allison Pearson looks like. She looks like she could possibly take down Fergie. Cage fight! Just don't invite Princess Bea, because she could take them all down with one quick assbutt.

Allison stands by her comment and said she never called Bea fat but expressed "a less-than-flattering, if widespread, thought about an unfortunate bikini."

Fergie went on to say, "The press has been absolutely outrageous, and really being very mean about the size of her figure, calling her such horrible names. I think her (Beatrice's) comment was, 'Will they be happy if I get anorexia because then they could write about that, wouldn't they?'" She said her daughter is a size 10 and is perfectly healthy.

Sticks and stones! Princess Bea is a hot BBW who can probably make chicken paillard with her ass cheeks. Allison is just jealous. She wishes she had those skills.

Prince Harry received a medal today for being the sexiest ginge in the world. Ok, they said the medal was for his service in Afghanistan, but we know the real reason. Hot Ginge's auntie, Princess Anne, led the ceremony which was attended by Prince Willy, Prince Charles and that slut Chelsy Davy!

Prince Hot Ginge served 10-weeks in Afghanistan on a top-secret mission. He was supposed to be there for 4-months, but his mission was cut short after the media revealed where he was.

Prince Willy should not have been there. He should have been at home putting egg whites and cocoa butter on his head. The dude is going to be bald before he hits 30.

Prince Willy is getting some heat from the British press for landing a $20 million RAF helicopter in the back garden of girlfriend Kate Middleton's parent's house. The Defence Ministry said the landing on April 3rd was authorized and part of Prince Willy's training.

They said, "The aircraft landed in the field, after taking all necessary safety precautions, and was on the ground for 20 seconds. No one got on or off the aircraft."

Kate and her family watched as Prince Willy showed off for them. The media called the exercise extremely wasteful and think Prince Willy only did it to impress his girlfriend. I think him being Prince is impressive enough.

Prince Willy was recently criticized for using a helicopter to fly himself and Prince Hot Ginge to a stage party.

Prince Willy should just blame it all on Prince Harry and call it a day. That's what younger siblings are for.

Source

Prince Hot Ginge spoke to the media today in England about having to come home early from Afghanistan. Hot Ginge shared a plane with two soldiers who were coming home due to massive injuries.

Hot Ginge said, "Don't call me a hero—those are the heroes. One had lost two limbs—a left arm and a right leg—and another guy who was saved by his mate's body being in the way but took shrapnel to the neck. Both were out cold throughout the whole of the flight."

"Those are the heroes. Those were guys who had been blown up by a mine that they had no idea about, serving their country, doing a normal patrol. "I wouldn't say I'm a hero. I'm no more a hero than anyone else. If you think about it there are thousands and thousands of troops out there."

Who called him a hero? Uh...huh....yeah...ok....whatever you say Hot Ginge! Just take off your top. I really just wanted a reason to post these hot pictures of him in Afghanistan. This is about as much as I want to see of Hot Ginge though. I'm not ready to feast my eyes on his massive fire bush. You have to be ready for red pubes. The last Ginge I got sexy with left tons of red pubies all over my white bed. It looked like a fire ant farm!

Prince Harry returned to England this morning after news of him in Afghanistan was leaked by some fun killer here in the US. Hot Ginge's daddy, Prince Charles, spoke to the media for a bit. He said, "As you can imagine it's obviously a great relief as far as I'm concerned to see him home in one piece. I've been incredibly proud of Harry and I promise you ... equally proud of all the dedicated service given by all our armed forces."

A witness said that Hot Ginge looked "shattered" to be back. He wasn't shattered, he was just stoned. I bet they have some good shit over there. Before leaving Hot Ginge spoke to that slut Chelsey Davy. A source told UsWeekly, "It was one of the happiest and emotional moments of her life. She was in a state of ecstasy and tears."

Hot Ginge also told the press before leaving Afghanistan that he wasn't looking forward to coming back home. He said, “I don't want to sit around in Windsor. But I generally don't like England that much and, you know, it's nice to be away from all the press and the papers and all the general shite they write.” Shite? Yeah, he's a total stoner.

Hot Ginge isn't the only royal going out into battle. Prince Willy will most likely be next. He plans to serve on the front lines on a Royal Navy ship very soon.