Kanye West

Kanye West finally got psychical with his MacBook Air and pounded out a response to South Park's claim that he's a gay fish who loves fishdicks in his mouth. Kanye did it in ALL-CAPS too! Wasn't the internet feeling kind of bloated lately? Well, it won't anymore, because it let out a huge fart of relief when Kanye posted his ALL-CAPS rant!

Kanye thought the gay fish shit was funny, but admitted that he did hurt his feelings a bit. Aw, hug his blog and throw a cookie at your monitor. That's kind of sweet.

Kanye also added that he's trying to control his ego. No, no, no, no, no, Kanye! Don't do that. Feed the ego! Grow the ego. If Kanye's ego went away, I'm pretty sure he would shrink down into a discarded peanut shell. A pigeon would come along and accidentally eat him. Then who would write fucked-up blog rants sponsored by Summer's Eve (you're looking at me, aren't you?). I like my Kanye super-ego-sized!

The words "gay" and "fish" usually cancel each other out, but Matt & Trey made it work on South Park last night. The words came together just for Kanye West. The term "gay fish" was born for him. During the episode, Kanye realizes that he loves fishdick and he dives into the ocean so that he can be gay with the fishes and toss their gills. Gay Fish Kanye even sings a song in his signature Atari '84 voice. Totally authentic. Kanye was really meant to be a gay fish

I have been patiently refreshing Kanye's blog all morning for his response to this GAY FISH FUCKING SHIT FUCK, but he has yet to utter a peep. I hope that when he does, he brings back his ALL-CAPS rants. The internets hasn't been the same without them.

If you're on a diet, fuck it off and stick your face in bowl of fried lard. If for some fucked up reason you have declared celibacy, go rub and wet hump the first hot piece you see. If there's a whore out there that doesn't know how much you hate them, immediately knee them in the butt bone and destroy them with the cunt word. Because the end is near. The sky is about to turn black and the earth will implode, because Kanye West, the Overlord of the CAPS-LOCK key, stopped using CAPS. Baby Jesus, hold me in your arms and dry my tears with your breath. I'm scared.

Kanye took to his blog yesterday and his precious pinky didn't hit the CAPS-LOCK key. In fact, he correctly used CAPS in the entire post. It took me ten beats to even read this mess. Even my own CAPS-LOCK key looks a little sadder today, because Kanye has abandoned it. However, it doesn't look like he's abandoned the DOUCHE-LOCK key, because he's still spreading the foolery. CAPS-LOCK key or not.

Kanye is whimpering and bitching about a blogger who questioned his manhood after suggesting he might be faking the straight. Oh, Kanye, stick your manhood up your culo and give it a rest. The world at large knows who your true, true love is. It's yourself!

Bitch isn't heterosexual or homosexual. He's fucking Kanyesexual. Being a Grade A Dickbag: Kanye is doing it right!

Kanye West probably spent most of his weekend slapping his own iPeen and covering this cover of Complex in even more white shit, because they called him "The Most Influential Brand In The Universe." What in the what?! What a way to jerk off his ego stick and lick on his powdered donut hole at the same time!

Who do they think he is? Mother's Cookies? Maybe that's who they really meant to call the "most influential brand," because all Kanye needs is some sprinkles and he'd almost look like a giant Circus Animal cookie.

And Kanye must think he's so different and edgy with those sparkly eyes. Note to Kanye, my eyes do that too whenever I gaze upon Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. My no no does it too. Simultaneously. Take that.

Why can't the city of L.A. just let Kanye West be great?! Why did they have to go and charge him with three misdemeanors for busting up a paparazzi's camera at LAX last September? Why did they have to do that? Besides, if you ask Kanye, he'll probably tell you he was doing the pap a favor since the camera was an old model.

The L.A. City Attorney's office charged Amber Rose's sugar daddy with misdemeanor vandalism, battery and grand theft. Kanye's road manager, who was also involved in the bust up, was charged with the same shit but twice. Double the fun!

If convicted if all charges, Kanye could get two and a half years in the chokey.

The charges came from an incident at LAX on September 11th. Some pappies were taking pictures of the voice of this generation and he wasn't having it, so he had himself a little camera-breaking party.

Can I laugh now or will I get slapped with a CAPS-LOCK key? Seriously, this bitch isn't going to prison. There isn't a prison big enough in the entire universe to house Kanye and his ego. That's an ego that will bust through bars!

And I'll be right back, I need to go keep refreshing his blog. I'm waiting for the blog post that will finally break HIS MACKBOOK AIR!!!!11!!!11!!!!!!111111!1

This is the way a high-class pussy merchant should dress! Amber Rose finally stepped off the Fly Girl reject bus and dipped herself in gold digger elegance to attend the Metropolitan Opera's Gala with her main sponsor. The only thing she's missing is more diamonds and a toy Pomeranian. Then the bitch would really be ready for business. Get that cash money, Amber Rose! Break open Kanye's checking account like a MacBook Air!

Damnnnnn. Kanye West needs to tell his girl to turn down the brightness on her leggings. Tell her in all CAPS. Those leggings are my breaking my MacBook eyes!

I feel like I need to drop acid to deal with this shit. Seriously, Amber Rose looks like something my imagination would create while riding on an acid high at a desert rave or some shit. She's like a giant glowstick. Actually, fuck acid. Drop the E, drink some orange juice and make her bounce around. That trippy shit would take you to another dimension. Another dimension where Kanye's blog posts make absolute sense the first time you read them.

Here's Kanye and his bought-and-paid-for robot girl at the Stella McCartney show in Paris.

Is it:

a) There will never be enough exclamation points in the world to perfectly get his point across.
b) His ego will never really know how much he loves it. Truly.
c) He will never be able to see himself perform live.
d) Severe constipation.

If you answered b, give your pee hole a congratulatory pinch, because you are correct. Actually, if you answered "all of the above," you are most likely correct, but only one of these answers is confirmed. When talking about ego the size of Chyna's clit, Kanye said, "I do have an ego and rightfully so. I think people should have an ego. Think about it - I don't offend people, I don't put anyone down. Do I name names or bring people down? That's not my thing. But I give myself big-ups. I feel good about the music I make. God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

Wait. Kanye isn't God? Now I feel stupid going down to the Apple store every Sunday and praying to a MacBook Air. But seriously, I don't want the voice of this generation to throw his CAPS lock key at me (okay, I do), but can't he just Netflix one of his live concert DVDs? Or maybe glance at the monitor when he's busy being great during one of his shows?

Actually, I'm really fucking surprised that Kanye's all-powerful talent doesn't cause him to have an out-of-body experience which would allow him to watch himself perform live. I blame us. We just don't let Kanye be THAT great! Shame on us.

And one of the greatest pains in my life was the first time I read one of his CAPS-filled blog posts. I'm kind of used to it now, but my eyeballs will never be the same.

VIA Showbiz Spy

My inbox has seen more of Amber Rose than a motherfucking bottle of peroxide and a clipper. I'm getting emails from bitches that say everything from "Bitch is a truck stop stripper!" to "Bitch is a cunt licker" to "Bitch has a wang!" And so on and so forth. All I know is that bitch will be deaf soon from Kanye West's epic yelling fits. And she already might be partially blind, because that's the only thing I can think of to explain this outfit. I didn't know Osh Kosh B'Gosh also had a line of day-shift prostitot clothes. The baby hooker look is not for Amber Rose.

In today's extra special edition of "What Would Kanye Say?", the voice of this generation gives us his words of wisdom on the RiRi/Brown beat down of '09. Previously, Kanye said he was "devastated" and that RiRi could be "the greatest perform in the world." This time, Kanye thinks we should all just give Chris Brown a little pat on the head, because everybody makes mistakes.

During a taping of Vh1's Storytellers on February 13th, Kanye said to the audience, "Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life." I know a lot of people that want to give Chris a break. A break in his fucking face!

Kanye went on to say, "Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing. ... He's a real fuckin' person; he makes mistakes. O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?"

A child toucher, a bong lover and a lady killer. What do they have in common? Kanye West thinks they are all AMAZING!

You know who Kanye doesn't think is amazing? Thom Yorke of Radiohead! According to Kanye, SQUID BRAINS Thom snubbed his ass backstage at the Grammys. Kanye said, "So when he performed at the Grammys, I sat the fuck down."

Oh, Kanye. I want you to be great. Help me help you BE GREAT! If you want to be great, just sit the fuck down, torture your MacBook Air....and keep spewing out AMAZING comments like this shit every hour on the hour! Seriously, Kanye's words of crazy make my world (and eyeballs) go 'round!

P.S. - The Kanyeism of the day is: AMAZING!!!1!!

VIA MTV