Josh Harnett

Sienna Miller has finally released Balthazar Getty's peen from her Jaws of Death vagina and has moved on to new wang. AND this dick doesn't have a wedding ring attached to it!!!! I know, how is that possible really? I didn't think Sienna's vagina allowed entrance unless there was a ring on it.

The Mirror is saying that someone finally turned the hose on Sienna and Balthazar, because they are no longer bumping it. Sienna felt that there was just too much baggage there and she needed to move on. Translation: The big whore woke up, smelled the same stale jizz and realized it was time for some fresh dick.

Hoooooray! I was thisclose to writing that mega slut off, because no self-respecting tramp nibbles on the same peen for that long. Bitch's vagina was probably starting to get the zzzzzs during fucky times with Balthazar. Well, homewhore has a new piece.

Sources say the new piece is Josh Hartnett. Remember when Josh's tummy got the owies, because he had some bad water or bad coke or something? Well, Sienna Miller was right by his side "nursing" him to health. Sienna is like the Florence Nightingale of whores! A source said, “Josh and Sienna have a unique bond. They understand each other and I wouldn’t be surprised if a relationship blossomed.”

Relationship blossomed? The only thing that's going to blossom is tiny red warts on his peen. But by the time he notices his new friends, the biggest skankwhore the world has ever seen will be on to the next dick! YAY! Sienna the great big whore is back! Hide your husbands in the basement! It's fun times again!

You know people tell you not to drink the water every time you go to a far off country or Florida (joooking..not really)? Well, Josh Hartnett didn't listen and he slurped up a bunch of refreshing fungus juice.

A couple of weeks ago, Josh had to go to the hospital in Los Angeles and everyone (including this bitch) figured he just ate some bad coke-encrusted tuna. At some event in NYC last night, Josh blamed third world water. He chirped to UsWeekly, "I'm fine, I had a stomach bug -- it was literally, like, a 24 hour thing. I was so dehydrated that I needed to be on a couple of IVs. I'm good. The media made a huge deal about it because I left the Chateau Marmont -- you know. That's where I always stay in L.A....you know, they wanna' come up with whatever they want to come up with. My stomach has been bothering me for months. It's been recurring because I've spent a lot of time in third world countries and I drink the water occasionally when I shouldn't, I shower and -- it's nothing to worry about!"

Josh obviously needs more vodka. Vodka should be everyone's #1 travel partner. It kills all germs. It's a scientific fact. Fuck that Purrell shit. That crap just makes you smell like you've just given someone a hand job with ultrasound gel. Vodka is the answer. Pour it in a glass of third world water to kill all the mold worms. Even use it to sanitize a dirty dick before you suck it. So many uses! Doctor approved!

Josh Hartnett was put in an ambulance and shuffled off to the hospital early this morning in Los Angeles after he complained that he had an owie in his stomach. Entertainment Tonight says Josh complained about stomach pains, and instead of drinking an Alka-Seltzer vodka (it's fizzy!) and walking it off, he was taken to Cedars-Sinai. His spokesbitch said he's doing absolutely fine, but was kept overnight so they could keep an eye on some kind of gastrointestinal disorder he suffers from. This is apparently the same condition that fucked with Josh last year in London.

I hope gastrointestinal disorder is just publicist talk for bad coke, right? Or bad fish? Or bad baby? Or bad jizz? Or maybe Josh tried to do that acting-thing again? Don't do that, Josh! Leave it to the pros.

Sominex's couple of the day alert! Mischa Barton and Josh Hartnett left Bungalow 8 in London last night and headed straight for his hotel. Hopefully, Mischa's stupid ass skipped the hotel library and went directly to his room. It might have been what I like to call an "Easy Pass lay," because The Daily Mail reports that Mischa was seen leaving his hotel one hour later.

I knew it! Josh looks like one of those types that barfs before reaching the toilet. You know the types. Orgasm robbers. They make everything so akward. They stand there, holding their weepy junk, apologizing for cumming before you even get started. You really want to curse them the fuck out and hit them with a phone or somethin. As they clean their sorry asses up in the bathroom, you piss in their shoes as punishment. No, I'm not speaking from experience. Yes, I'm lying.

Anyway, Mischa and Josh make sense to me. It was probably just one night of non-passion, but they work as a couple. They both have the personality of a wet piece of Styrofoam.

Josh Hartnett did fuckey fuckey times with some chick in the library of his London hotel and it was all caught on security camera. That's what the Mirror claims anyway. Hotel staff watched as a drunken Josh and his chick stumbled into the library, closed off the curtains and started bumping nasties.

A source said, "Unfortunately the hotel has security cameras all over the place - the library included. This means their every spit and cough was recorded, and cringing hotel workers saw all of Josh's X-rated moves."

After Josh and his lady finished filling the library with sex smells, a hotel staffer told him to take his personal shit elsewhere in the future.

I think it's the hotel's duty to release the footage to the public. You know, as a warning to whores who might want to do it in a hotel library. And I want close-ups of Hartnett's peen. I have a feeling it's floppy, skinny and just as boring as him. Actually, maybe I don't want to see Hartnett's footage. There's nothing worse than boring peen.

And I feel sorry for the poor bitch who strolled into the library after Josh finished, grabbed a copy of "War and Peace" and found a chunky glob of Hartnett smegma all over it.

Josh Hartnett has barely let Scarlett Johansson's vagina juice dry on his peen and he's already hooking up with Sienna Miller. The two were spotted "canoodling" at the Chateau Marmont on Tuesday night in Hollyweird. Witnesses say that the two were very touchy feely in front of everyone.

Slimy's spokesrep denies they are dating and insists they are just friends. "Just friends" in Hollyweird means that she hasn't swallowed his load yet.

Source

A Dlisted reader witnessed Josh Harnett getting a blowjob from some chick in the bathroom of a NYC bar lastnight. Hahaha...I live for this crap. You know it's small though. Here's what my reader witnessed:

I was out last night with my friend in New York City. We went to the Lower East Side for drinks and to hangout. We started at this bar called Max Fish. Two of my girlfriends noticed that Josh Hartnet had arrived and proceeded to talk to him for a bit. He invited them to come meet him and some other friends at a small bar called Mamma's. When we arrived the star struck girls could see Josh over in the corner - but he was surrounded by another group of girls. My friend had to go to the bathroom and there was a small line. The guy in front of her mentioned that there were 2 girls in the bathroom and just then Hartnet walked right in. He was pissed (not knowing it was Josh, but he was mad because he obviously knew this would take a while). After a considerable amount of time - the pissed off guy walked up to the door and yanked it open - only to expose to the bar Josh Hartnet recieving a big sloppy blowjob from one of the two girls who was down on her knees. It was difficult to see what the other girl was doing because he shut the door so quickly. For Confirmation - he was wearing a white t-shirt that said KLAUS on the front and a black knit hat and had an ugly pair of glasses hanging from his shirt.

KLAUS? As in Von Bulow? Anyway, see stars are just like us! They receive bjs from strange girls in bathrooms in bars. Unfortunately, who knows if Josh is hung like a horse or bumble bee. I'm guessing he has huge nuts and a small trunk. The other chick was probably taking a dump. The sight of Harnett getting a sloppy cock-whistle is enough to make anyone get diarrhea.