Halle Berry

You see that little ring Halle Berry is sporting? Some say it's an engagement ring from her hot sperm donor, Gabriel Aubry. Sources say Gabriel proposed to Halle with his grandmother's ring, because he felt the time is right.

A source told Showbiz Spy, "Gabriel felt the time was right to propose. He gave her the family heirloom because he wanted to show her how much she means to him, and how she will be accepted into the Aubry family." Uh huh and he'll be accepted into the Berry fortune!

If I was Halle Berry - Well, if I was Halle Berry I would spend a few hours playing with my chichis in the mirror. After I finished with that, I would head on over to KMart and pick up a bike lock. I'd immediately fasten that lock over Gabriel's dick! She better put it in the prenup that Gabriel must wear a dick lock at all times.

Even better, Halle should contact Playstation 3 to have Gabriel's hot dick replaced with one of those thumb dicks. The sexiest thing he can do with a thumb dick is participate in a thumb wrestling match.

Halle Berry's pregnant chichis are still intact. She needs to fluff them up higher! Show off those pregnant chichis! I'm still sleepy and I like my pillows fluffed up. Anyway, Halle arrived at the Silver Rose auction yesterday in Los Angeles just six weeks after popping out baby Nahla. Halle looks hot and blah..blah..blah... Where's that gorgeous sperm donor of hers? I haven't seen his ass in a while. I guess the bitch's work is done and he's been shuttled off to the agency he came from.

It was rumored that Halle was going to bring Nahla baby to this event, but she was nowhere in sight. I'm not mad at Halle for taking her time before unveiling he baby to the world. I don't know if we're equipped to deal with her beauty yet. They haven't made UV lenses strong enough.

Halle Berry popped out baby Nahla Areola (it's Ariela, but I like Areola better) a little more than a month ago and she's already getting back to work. Somebody's got to pay the bills around there. Halle will produce and star in the psychological drama "Frankie & Alice" reports Variety.

Halle obviously wants that second Oscar, because the movie is about a chick with multiple personality disorder. The lady is torn between who she is and a racist white alter-personality that preys upon her mind. High drama.

Hopefully, Halle will get all this dramatic shit out of her system, so she can finally do the most anticipated movie of her career. I'm talking about a sequel to B.A.P.S! That shit is one of my favorite cinematic masterpieces of all time. It has everything you could ever want in a movie. It has dance sequences, major wigs, latex suits and Martin Landau! I mean, what else do you need? Clip below:

Baby Nahla was only born less than a month ago, but people have already been asking where the hell her $60 gazillion baby pictures are. MSNBC's The Scoop claims it might be a while. Halle Berry is busy working on getting her pre-knocked up body back. She's set to show up to a celebrity golf tournament on April 27th, so she's working hard to drop the fat. Baby Nahla may make her debut at the same event. That's if Chanel can finish her dress in time.

A source said the “photos are being shopped, but nothing’s been settled." Give Nahla some time to settle in. Damn. The girl went through a traumatic experience. It's always bizarre to me when celeb skanks whore out their babies days after their birth. Nahla needs some time to chill, freshen up, get a body scrub, get some botox, get a boob, etc... She has to get camera ready.

Besides, I don't know if the world is ready for her intense beauty. It might blind us. Scientists are working overtime to come up with special glasses we need to wear while looking at Nahla's pictures.

Earlier I posted a rumor that Halle Berry and hot sperm donor had name their baby Clara Stella Berry-Aubry. It ain't so! People has confirmed they named their angel Nahla Ariela Aubry.

The first thought I had was Nala from "The Lion King." Then I decided to do a little googling and it looks like they named her after The Northern Alberta Health Libraries Association. Ariela sounds like areola, but it could be worse! They could have named her after a fruit or after some dead movie star. I'd rather be named Lion King Nipples than Apple!

And just when I was conquering saying Clara Stella Berry-Aubry 25 times fast without mistakes. Damn them!

Halle Berry hasn't officially announced her baby's name, but PageSix.com claims her name is Clara Stella Berry-Aubry. Hit the snooze button. That name has put me to sleep. I expect a Halle Berry baby name to roll off the tongue liked melted Velveeta. Saying Clara Stella Berry-Aubry makes my mouth feel like it's full of nails.

In other Halle baby news, she has taken a page from JLo's book and spent a bunch of cash on three nurseries. Rush & Molloy reports she bought only organic shit at....guess where? Yup, Petit Tresor. A source said she dropped $60,000 on crap like sheets that never had a mist of pesticide on it and a $1,200 diaper bag. How much do you want to bet those pesticide free sheets have pesticides on them? Bitches will believe anything!

I can't wait to see what magazine will pony up enough cash to have the gorgeous CSBA grace their cover. Mix-up CSBA's initials and it spells SCAB or CABS.

No fucking joke. I was just writing a post on how I was going to take bets on when Halle Berry was going to finally shoot her baby out. Well, baby came out today! Star Magazine reports that Halle gave birth to a baby girl this morning at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles. A source said, "Halle Berry had a 7lb 4 oz girl at 10:17am Sunday morning, March 16, at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. The actress had checked into the hospital for the second time that day after feeling contractions earlier Saturday morning."

Halle's spokeswhore hasn't confirmed and we don't have a name yet. Halle seems traditional, so I'm not holding my breath for a crazy or unique name. That sucks, because the celebrity baby names have been really stale lately.

The source went on to say, "Halle was overcome with emotion when she finally held her little girl. She said everything she had gone through was worth that moment. The tears kept coming as Halle didn't even want the nurses to take her baby to clean her up and measure. It was a truly beautiful scene."

Ewww....baby jelly! I wonder what it tastes like? It's probably not bad on a little Melba toast. Ok, I'll move along. It is Sunday, so we shouldn't go there.

Congrats to Halle and her boy toy! Boy toy's work here is done. He was the best sperm donor ever.

I'm talking to Gabriel and I would be more than happy to count the ways. He just has to drop his pants and fondle it a bit while I get my ruler. If these two don't have the hottest baby in the universe, I will be severely disappointed. That's a myth though. Two hots don't always make another hot. I know bitches that look like supermodel aliens and they produced a baby that looks like he escaped from NIMH. He'll grow out of it.

I don't even know if Gabriel talks. He doesn't need to. He just has to stand there, look hot and hold packages. Here's Halle looking normal and pregnant while grocery shopping with her man toy yesterday.

Hasn't that dude seen a big Berry before? That berry is ready for the plucking. I would love to see Halle Berry and JLo try and hug. It would be like sumo wrestling. Here's Halle visiting a friend yesterday. That bodyguard needs to be fired. He's supposed to be looking out for danger, not looking at her pregnant boobs.

Splash

Halle Berry needs to freshen up those curls. I liked it at first, but now that shit looks crushed. She's been laying on it too much, but I'll forgive her. She's knocked up and that shit looks painful as hell. It looks like you have to pee all the time, because someone is basically sitting on your bladder all day and all night. No wonder pregnant women are always peeing on themselves. I was at Sizzler once (that shit is nice, so shut up) and some pregnant chick was hollering about how she just pissed herself. Making a scene. Nasty bitch. I do not want pregnant piss with my delicious cheese toast. Sorry. Too much information.

Anyway, here's Halle being pregnant while shopping for furniture. Jessica Alba has been shopping for a lot of furniture lately, too. The preggies must love buying new shit for their houses.

Wenn