Kim Kardashian

Only Barbie is allowed to have monogrammed seats! Wouldn't you feel like such a tool driving around with your initials on your car seat? Yeah, look who I'm talking about.

She probably has her initials on her tampons. I want to jump into that car and add an extra K with a red marker. The dumb tramp wouldn't even notice, because she's too busy practicing her "o" face in the mirror. She totally gets off just by looking at herself. It makes her butt queef in excitement.

TMZ also has video of Kim acting like a bitch, because the valet accidentally brought a Mercedes instead of her car, a Bentley. How could that valet do that to her?! Doesn't he know how many dicks she sucked to buy that Bentley?

Kim Kardashian's New Year's resolution was to eat better. She made this promise to herself after shoving deep fried Oreos down her throat before the countdown. She told People that she hasn't really stuck to her diet.

Kim was in Orlando on Sunday night hosting Wrestlemania XXIV and she decided to have a bite at IHOP before the event. This is exactly where you go when you're trying to lose weight. She said, "I decided not to have pancakes, because those aren't good for me and I didn't want the carbs. So what did I get? Chicken strips. I knew they were bad for me, but they were worth it." That makes a lot of sense. She probably skipped soda, because it's bad for her and had chocolate milk made with half and half instead.

She went on to say that it's "so hard to eat well because I love so many unhealthy foods. I just can't stop eating junk. It's awful!"

The bitch literally has junk in her trunk. Junk and spunk! The diet of Kim Kardashian.

Kim Kardashian's ass is the real star of the show and that camera dude should know better. It takes a lot of Spanx to get your ass looking like that. I just to slap it and watch it jiggle and then slap it again and watch it jiggle. I could do it over and over again. Like a cat with his favorite toy. I would be afraid that one false slap would cause her to fart in my face.

You know, every time I see this chick I think of those annoying spammers that have infiltrated the comments of every single site. You have to know what I'm talking about. They leave shit like, "She is a very attractive girl. So pretty. I saw her profile on millionairelovelies.com" or something like that.

I think of Kim, because for once those spammers are probably right. Her profile is probably on that site!

You mean to tell me that Bongo jeans hired professional ass Kim KardASSian to whore out their shit and they photoshopped her ass out?! That's her only asset. Basically they could have just photographed her huge ass and nothing else and we would have known who it was. That's a damn shame. Where's the bongos?

Okay now that I got that out of the way. Why the fuck did they get Kim Kardashian in the first place? This ho is a pornstar! She's famous for being the friend of a pornstar (Paris Hilton) and then famous for getting her own sex tape. They should rename their shit BONG-HO!

Splash

Brandy's mommy, Sonya Norwood, has filed a lawsuit against the Kardashians. It all started when Kim Kardashian was Brandy's stylist in 2004. Sonja gave Kim a credit card to make one purchase. Kim allegedly gave the AMEX number to her brother and her sisters. Sonjya claims they charged $62,793.83 in 2006, and $57,841.82 2007 in 2007 for a total of $120,635.82. The lawsuit claims that charges were even made at "Dash" and "Smooch." Both of those stores are owned by the Kardashians.

This makes no fucking sense. If I see a charge for even $1 on my credit card that I don't recognize, I pick up the damn phone and yell at a bitch. How the hell could Sonya keep the same credit number going after those bitches charged $62k on her shit? The best part is that then Kim K goes around and fucks her son too! Kim took her money and fucked her son. That bitch is ruthless.

I wouldn't mess with the Kardashians. The big one looks mean. She would bop you on the head with her giant fists and then steal your AMEX and use it to buy steak dinners.

Something in the milk ain't clean! This story just doesn't make sense. Sonya has some explaining to do.

And who the hell would hire Kim K as their stylist?! A tranny maybe. That was Sonya's first mistake.

Source: Page Six

If you didn't tell me this was the Sundance Film Festival, I would've figured it was the AVN Awards with all the skanks, whores, sluts and prostitutes running around. I mean, what the hell is Kim Kardashian doing there? This shit has turned into Vegas for the weekend. All those whores are mostly there to get free shit and eff each other.

Reggie Bush can stay, Kim can leave. I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's playing with her. Do you think he pisses on her tits? Bitch is into that! Fuck, I'd let Reggie Bush do dookie times on my titties if that's what he was into.

Here's the rest of the skanks of Sundance including Paris Hilton who thinks she's the sexiest thing since candy apple nail polish. Bitch is about as sexy as Reggie doing dookie times on my titties. I didn't include pictures of people that actually belong at Sundance, because they are all boring.