Kim Kardashian

On the left is a picture of Bruce Jenner last year, and on the right is a picture taken last month after he slipped back under the knife to fix his charbroiled mug. Why don't I see a difference? The new picture from Life & Style just looks like it was passed through the Photoshop machine for a quick minute, but his face kind of still looks the same. Okay, maybe he looks a little diffy. Just a little. If I squint my eyes and hum the theme song to Twin Peaks, I kind of see Kyle McLaughlin. Well, Kyle after a block of dry ice fell on his face.

I mean, really! The surgery was unnecessary. If Bruce doesn't stop, his face is going to bust out of there. The same thing happened to Joan Rivers and look at her! No, that's not her real face. That's a re-purposed Madame mask.

Bruce, just quit that mess! You are beauty-ful just the way you are. Not really, but if that's what Bruce needs to hear, then I'll shout it from the highest mountain (aka Kim Kardashian's ass).

When Bruce Jenner got a facelift 25 years ago, he went from looking like a semi-hot-piece to looking like a Kraft single after being microwaved too long. Bruce blames it on a janky partial facelift and a nose job, so he decided to go back under the knife and fix his face. Bruce's third face will be revealed on that Kardashian shit show this Sunday.

Kim Kardassian blogged about it, "Twenty five years ago, Bruce was ill-advised by a doctor to have a partial facelift and a nose job. Unfortunately, the result wasn't what Bruce had hoped for and for years since then he has been the victim of cruel taunts from the media. Since he's turning 60 in October, Bruce felt it was time to correct the mistakes made by the previous doctor so he went to a new doctor for a second facelift . The results are amazing! Bruce looks better than ever and he is extremely happy with the result."

That's what they all say! Just one more surgery and I'll stop. You know Bruce isn't going to stop. In 10 years, his mouth is going to be where his nose is supposed to be and his eyeballs are going to be hanging out on the back of his neck. Bitch is going to look like Kiefer Sutherland in Freeway. Actually, he already does.

VIA UsWeekly

Kim Kardassian looked like she got brutally attacked by a gang of Sun-In bottles as she walked the ho stroll in NYC yesterday. I would accept this kind of hair from a junior high-school cholita with big dreams of becoming a blonde, but Kim has enough coins in the bank to pay for a dye job that doesn't look like it was done with a garden hose and generic-brand bleach from Food 4 Less. This mess makes Kim look like a fried government cheese version of JLo.

And I don't think it will make Kim K happy knowing that her new frizzled panko hair makes her "size 2" ass look fat.

UPDATE: Bamboozled! Kim says on her site that it's just a wig. You can come off the ledge now.

Here is your morning mug of piping hot laughs brought to you buy the whorey walrus that is Kim Kardassian! Yesterday, Kim posted this shit from UsWeekly about Forever 21's new plus-size line which mentioned her and it really made her fat ass boil in anger (smells like charred jizz and rancid hamburger meat). Kim carefully placed her mountain-with-a-mudslide ass on the keyboard and her let butt lips do the writing:

I feel that this clipping from Us Magazine is a bit misleading, so I wanted to comment on it.

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.

For the record, you are a size DUMB WHORE. Seriously, a SIZE 2?! Maybe if you take two size 2s and sew them together, you could cover one of her chunky ass cheeks. MAYBE. Does this trick shop at Jennifer Love Hewitt's favorite store: Big, Short & Delusional? Kim proves that queefing out random numbers is nothing but fun!

This stupid Monday-to-Friday skeezer makes no sense. She loves her curves, yet being considered "full-figured" is offensive? You know what's offensive? Kim Kardashian! UsWeekly never even called her plus-sized. Obviously, bitch needs to get a dude to piss in her ear again, because her one brain cell needs cleaning.

Khloe Kardashian, bring your "full-figured" ass over here and stomp on this pinche heffer!

Every drugstore in Mexico must have been out of SPF: Famewhore, because Kim Kardassian managed to scorch the fuck out of herself sans for the little spot where her OctoMommy sunglasses usually go. I bet her hotel room permanently smells like charred piss. Kim needs to fill her tub with some aloe vera jelly, get in and stay there for a few months.

Although, if she wants to make this work, all she has to do is get herself some of Blohan's liquid diarrhea. Once she does that, she should apply a lot to the unburned areas, bleach her hair blonde, bathe herself in glitter and change her name to California's #1 Armenian Barbie! Ross who?!

Source: Kim Kardashian

How did the tranny frog get the reclusive gaysian unicorn known as Bobby Trendy to come to her stupid ass book party? It must have been an accident. Bobby was probably nearby when he heard his mating call: the click from a camera. It beckoned him to bring a little glamour to this overall fug affair. And I'm glad he did, because otherwise we wouldn't get to see how he reworked the vagina prom dress to make it work for him. Now the fat pink pussy on his chest matches the one on his ass. And is it just me or does Bobby kind of look like a ladyboy version of Phyllis Diller here?

That dumb bitch Kelly Taylor also came out when she should've stayed home with her head in a big bowl of VO5! Bitch's hair looks like Sarah Jessica Parker's next meal. That shit looks highly flammable. One flame is all it takes... Luckily, Jennie didn't stand anywhere near Bobby.

Here's the rest of the whores from last night's dreadful affair including, Kim Kardassian, Preparation H's arch rival Lisa Rinna, Creepy McDermott, Harry Hamlin and Rodney Stranger's twin sister Patti.

Complex Magazine posted a pre-Photoshopped picture of Kim Kardassian on their website and Animal NY caught it before it was switched out.

These are always fucking fun. There's a few differences I noticed right away. First, they bathed her ass in a little bleach. Then they rubbed out the vein farm and fromagerie on her thighs. After that, they sucked her in a bit and also sent her baby hairs to school for the day. While they were at it, they should've used the "sparkly eyes" tool to make her dead eyes (aka trying to be sexy eyes) look fucking alive.

I'm sitting here sipping on some Asti like a real classy lady and catching up on all the shit I missed yesterday. I am so fucking glad I'm reading Courtney Love's latest crazy rant while riding on an Asti bubble, because it's so much more entertaining. Seriously, you would think I was watching a monkey washing a cat. This is some standing ovation shit!

Crack's finest customer spent her Christmas Eve morning going off on Kim Kardassian's brother, Rob. Court's full rant will make your eyes cross permanently if you're sober, so let me just sum it up for you. Basically, Court thinks Rob is a big gay hater, because he allegedly punched out her employee outside of Hyde in September and called him a fag. Here's a just small fix from Court's crazy party. Again, if you're sober, sip on some Listerine or rubbing alcohol before you read this shit:

Rob Kardashian the son of the discgr3aceful Robert Kardashian who represented a cold blooded murderer and made lots and lots of money..well rob jr cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my GUY was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside hyde lounge closed, then right after yelling the words "FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT!" Rob JR punched my guys in the face. My guy has 3 witnesses who saw rob jump out of the SUV and because of the fact that he works for me, a woman of power, you broke his nose and caused blood to shed, well lets fast forward shall we...the guy who works for me did not file a police report that night cause he did not need tmz's camera's outside this trendy nightclub to cause any more FUCKERY to what was suppose to be a birthday celebration, instead he came back to LAPD later and they told him to fold up his police report into a origami and hang it on his door.

If you're hanging out with that douche Brody Jenner, you deserve to get fisted in the face. And I loved that she called herself a "woman of power!" It's almost better than "businesswoman."

Court goes on to invite Rob to a night of dancing with homos, playing with make-up and ending with a little butt fuck fun with a plantain. Court is describing my New Year's evening to a fucking T. Well, except for the plantain part. I like my plantains fried, not mashed.

Kim, being the mega famewhore that she is, jumped right on this mess and responded to Court's shit on her own website. Kim wrote, "This is TOTALLY FALSE! A lot of what she wrote doesn’t even make much sense and doesn’t follow a clear train of thought... At one point she says Brody was there too and that someone yelled discriminatory expletives against gay people, but I honestly can’t figure out who she is accusing because her writing is so bad."

Kim needs to drink a full bottle of Asti and read that shit again, because I clapped at the end. I would love to watch Kim read Courtney's blog. You know her head almost popped off. Bitch probably couldn't complete the Dick and Jane books, because that shit was too complex for her, so Court's rant probably made her hair sweat.

I'm totally on Team Crazy, because if you get on her good side, she might let you pick something out of her "goody bag."

Below is a video of a bunch of furry pussies playing in a laundry basket. Below that are some pictures of Kim KardASSIAN and her HoneyBaked hams on the beach in Miami with one of her sisters and that Kristin bitch from "Laguna Beach."

So which group of pussies are worthy of your attention? I don't think I even need to ask. I'm going to go ahead and declare a landslide winner: KITTENS WIN!

SCORE: Kittens = 1 , Celebwhores = 0

Does Spanx not make nude color tights? That black shit on Kim KardASSIAN's legs are not acceptable and Lynda Carter queefs on them! That killed her whole Wonder Whore outfit for me. Well, that and the bottom of her costume looks like a politically themed Depends diaper from the back. I think she also had an invisible plane with her, but her ass gobbled it up.

My arch rival CHERYL BURKE disappoints me. This was her chance to dress as a slutty wet vac or a slutty Swiffer, but she chooses this busted crap instead?! Is she some kind of slutty army mop?

Here's a few more pictures of Kim and CHERYL BURKE celebrating Whoreoween last night with Kim's mommy. I think she's dressed as a horny and menopausal Soviet soldier with a sweaty pit problem.