Lil' Kim

Cocaine, naked gays, used needles and a baby with a painted face are just a few things I think of when it comes to Lil' Kim. David LaChapelle shot Lil' Kim as the Virgin Mary for some kind of possibly new promo shot. I'm not sure what she's promoting exactly....

This would make the perfect Christmas card, but I would need to photoshop my face over baby's face. Leave the children out of it!

UPDATE: That shit is as fake as Lil Kim's titties! The picture was made by a fan for a Lil' Kim fansite. They took an old picture by photographer Justin Monroe and photoshopped Kim's face on the model's face. That's that! Kim did not pose for the Virgin Mary and David LaChapelle did not take this picture. Below is picture proof.

Maybe I've become desensitized by so much plastic horror that I can't fairly judge a horrific face, but Lil' Kim looks slightly better here than normal. Her face does look like Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze created it while making love on a potter's wheel to Unchained Melody. It's a brilliant shade of terra cotta. Her nose looks like it was made with silly putty. I want to make animal shapes out of it. Fun!

Okay, she looks fug. There I said it and I feel better.

Wenn

Lil' Kim will always hold a place in my black heart. Anybody who can come up with the lyrics, "If you aint lickin no butts, we don't want it, we don't want it" is fine by me. That being said, she needs plastic surgery rehab. They should gather up all the surgery addicts and put them in a safe place filled with mirrors, so they can take a good look at themselves. Soon she won't even be able to say those amazing lyrics anymore, because she won't be able to move her mouth!

Kim came out to celebrate Marc Jacobs' show last night. Posh was also there and looked like Posh. Kim should have posed with her. Kim's plastic mask would have made robotic Posh look human.

Wenn, Splash, Wireimage

Kim, you can take off the mask now! Stop playing. It's scaring me! Take it off. You know it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt and I'm getting hurt by looking at that fug mug. The sad thing is, she can't take it off. It's not a mask. This is the ugly side of plastic surgery. I think her eyebrows even went on strike.

When you're able to remove your eyebrows with a baby wipe, it's time to reevaluate things.

Here's Muppet Kim with Blueberry Homo at a screening of the documentary "Louis Vuitton & Marc Jacobs."

And I'm not talking about the coat! Lil' Kim dragged her plastic face last night to root for her main ladydude girl, Kimora Lee Simmons at the Baby Phat show in NYC. Methinks Kim has a had a little baby fat injected into every part of her face. That poor animal died to be laid on that?! Shameful.

I don't know who's scarier, Lil' Kim or Robin Antin?! Both are frightening plastic monsters. The two are joining forces to produce "The Next Search for the Next Pussycat Doll" or what I like to call "America's Next Top Tranny." Robin is the creator of the Dolls and Lil' Kim is well....I don't know why she's involved. They held a press conference for the show and for The CW's new season yesterday in Los Angeles.

Neither one of these hos has the right to EVER sing "Don't Cha With Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?"

One of the UK's biggest TV hits, Celebrity Big Brother, will debut on January 3, 2007. The line-up is kept under wraps until the big night. Several names have already been thrown around from The Hoff to Kimberly Stewart to Dirk Benedict. Producers apparently approached rap star, Lil' Kim and she agreed to do it as long as the following conditions were met.

Kim wants $1 million for her appearance. She also wants a personal assistant living in the house with her. She has requested a two-week all-paid luxury vacation in London following taping of the show. She also wants final approval of all footage taken of her, which is impossible becaue the show is live.

Producers will also need to provide sunglasses to all of the other "celebrities" so they won't melt from looking at her fug face! Actually, they will need to provide the whole country with special screens on their TV to protect us from her alien-ness.

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