Jessica Alba

Wednesday, January 16th 2008

Alba Bump Watch '08

It's Alba Bump Watch! It's on. Watch her! Watch Her! Jessica Alba may have been shy about showing her face, but she wasn't so shy about showing her little bump. We got you Alba! You can't escape the Bump Watch.

Jess was caught while leaving a gym yesterday. She's so dedicated. I would be on the sofa eating frozen Mars Bars. Yeah, I do that anyway, so nothing would change.

Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, January 11th 2008

Jessica Alba Has Everything, But A Personality

Jessica Alba has it all and wants you to know it. At yesterday's Glamour Magazine event she told People, "It's the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé – everything." Some fiance. I wouldn't exactly call Cash Warren a major catch. This chick should be one of Tom Cruise's concubine. She's just as delusional as Katie Holmes.

She also said that she's taking a break from acting. "I don't know if anyone wants me in their movies [when I'm] six months pregnant. I'll get the fire and I'll want to work again, but right now it's a time to relax and sit back."

Alba please join JLo and retire forever. Alba ruins movies. She has the acting skills of a wet turd.

Here's Alba on a photo shoot yesterday and later attending that Glamour event. Mia Farrow she is not. Those kitty in wigs look better than she does.

Splash

Posted by: Michael K


Tuesday, January 8th 2008

Jessica Alba Is A Bitch, But I Love Her For It

Jessica Alba shouldn't expect an invitation to go makeup shopping with Zac Efron anytime soon. Jessica met Zac at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards and told Elle Magazine:

“Zac looks like a child with a lot of makeup. I was like ‘My God, you’re just a little kid.”

While we're on the subject of men in makeup here's a blind item from Gatecrasher. Hmm....I wonder who could it be?

Which breakout young male star uses - gasp - fake eyelashes to get his trademark gaze? Dammit, Hollywood, stop toying with us!

Jessica's gonna pay for this! Zac was going to send her his favorite shade of Dior lip gloss and now he's totally not. That'll show her!

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, December 28th 2007

Working Out While Knocked Up

 
I applaud Jessica Alba's dedication. She was at the gym yesterday working out even though she's knocked up. I know it's the right thing to do, but I would be straight up having a cheese, bread and sugar fest. You're going to get fat, so you might as well go for it wholeheartedly. I would dip apple fritters in fucking marshmallow fluff and drink melted butter. It would be like that. Then right after I had the baby I would stay in the hospital and get all that shit sucked out like Posh Spice does. 
 
Jessica really should skip the gym and instead get a damn facial. No, not the kind of facial you and I get, but the kind you go to a salon for.
 
 
Pacific Coast News, Splash
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, December 27th 2007

She's Engaged And Why Do I Care?

 
Knocked up Jessica Alba has been wearing a diamond engagement ring lately. Perhaps Cash Warren has decided to make her an honest woman. You know she paid for it. If she didn't Cash probably out-douched Spencer Pratt and bought that shit at Spencer's Gifts.
 
You know for someone who's expecting a bundle of joy homegirl is extremely grouchy. I love it when she covers her face like all the time. She looks like such a tool!
 
UPDATE: Yes, bitch is engaged. Her rep told People , "I can confirm that they are engaged."  I'm thrilled to hear this....can you tell?
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, December 20th 2007

Possibly Maybe Engaged

 
Jessica Alba might be engaged to Cash Warren reports the SFGate . Jessica's Fantastic Four co-star, Doug Jones, was speaking at some film festival over the weekend when he said, "Jessica and her fiance are wonderful, and they're going to make the most beautiful babies ever." Basically, they don't want a bastard.
 
Jessica was also spotted wearing an engagement type ring the other day. She's already turned down 3 offers from magazines asking her to pose nude. Well, at least this girl has some brains. Posing nude while knocked up is OUT! Cover your shit up.
 
Here's Grouchy McGrouch leaving the Dior store in Beverly Hills yesterday. Jessica kept asking the paps to keep away and even had the fuzz escort her to her car. Stay home then you damn cow! And I love how that dude is trying to cover up her face below. He's doing a good job. Hahaha....I can still see her face dumb dumb! You failed at protecting Jessica. You are no bodyguard. Kevin Costner would not be proud.  
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, December 19th 2007

Not The Bump I Want To See

 
Jessica Alba showed off a minor baby bump yesterday. Who cares about that slag. All she does is cover up her face anyway. What a grouch! It's the hormones. She's probably pissed, because Jamie Lynn is stealing her thunder. There's room for more than one secret pregnancy Alba. 
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, December 12th 2007

Jessica Alba Is Knocked Up

 
What sluts! Jessica Alba and Cash Warren are expecting a little brat in the Spring or Summer reports People . Her rep confirms it, "I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer."
 
Jessica, 26, and Cash, 28, broke up for a wee bit, but got back together. Looks like the make-up sex paid off.
 
Jessica was in talks to make her Broadway debut in "Speed The Plow" this Summer, but looks like that's not going to happen. Bitch messed that up. Hah, she was going to suck anyway. There's still time for you to suck on Broadway, Jessica.
 
Congrats!
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 26th 2007

Double Take

 
I don't think Jessica Alba has a sister, but she may have a decoy. It's probably her cousin or something. Maybe her daddy did it with her mommy's sister. Ugh, why do I even care? Anyway, I thought it was funny for like a second. Now I can go back to watching Tyra Banks.
 
Celebrity Babylon has more pics
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, September 20th 2007

To Dane Or Not To Dane

 
The other day I told some bitch that I thought Dane Cook was a hot piece of Spam. They basically threw up in my ear and said how he's so fucking annoying and how nothing about him is hot. This confused me, because what's not to love?
 
A little douche every now and again doesn't hurt and I mean that both figuratively and literally. Especially the gays. Douche your shit once and while. You can use an ear wax plunger. So I've heard!
 
Here's Dane with Jessica Alba last night at the premiere of their movie "Good Luck Chuck."
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


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