Kate Winslet

When Sally Farmiloe, the Chicken Cutlets of Britain, arrived at the BAFTAs in London tonight, every whore in that joint should have gone home. It was done as soon as Sally hit the red carpet. They should have bestowed all the awards on her and called it a night. Seriously, this is how you show you up to a fucking event. You put on your finest sparkles and throw your dignity in the trash! This is how it's done. And it's also nice to see that Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It" wig has a found a new home on Sally's head.

I wasn't joking when I said that all those whores should have quit that bitch when Sally arrived, because there was a whole lot of fug on that damn red carpet. It looks like a dump truck dropped trash all over that shit. Bitches looked beat! Below is a few pictures of the raggedy ass hos of the BAFTAs. Goldie Hawn is looking like she needs to take a good, long 2-hour fart. Actually, she might have let one out and Daniel Craig's piece got a good whiff of it, because she's smelling something nasty.

And the look on Penny Cruz's face in thumbnail #4 is the same face I've been making every time Kate Winslet wins something and goes on and on about how surprised she is. It's the "Bitch, stop acting like you don't win shit" face.

Apparently, Kate Winslet and her husband Sam Mendes both had some fucked up travel experiences. Sam was supposed to be on American Airlines flight 77 on 9/11. A month later, Kate was on a flight with her daughter Mia and then-husband Jim Threapleton when a man claimed to be a terrorist and started shouting that everyone was going to die. Because of this, Kate and Sam don't fly together.

They are both afraid that if they are both on the same flight and the plane crashes, their kid Joe will be completely orphaned.

A spokeswhore for the two told the Daily Mail, "Where possible, Kate and Sam do prefer to travel in separate planes. It is not always possible but, for obvious reasons regarding the children, they do travel separately when they can."

After reading this, I wondered if they also eat from the same chicken in case of Salmonella. Or if they never hold hands while walking down the street in case of lightning. Basically, I called them a bunch of paranoid bitches. But then I had to check myself because I remembered the crazy shit I do to make sure that I never leave Rojo Caliente without a #1 fangirl (me).

I can't use a blender while alone, because I'm afraid some evil doer is going to come up behind me and force my hand into the blades. I've learned how to vacuum backwards with my face to the door at all times. I've gotten used to showering with nobody else around. Mostly because if someone busts in, seeing my naked body would temporarily burn their eyes (because of its intense beauty, of course), so I'd be able to whip them with some anal beads and run for safety.

Here's Kate at the SAG Awards last night. She won Best Supporting Actress for that pedo Nazi movie.

Two amazing things happened last night during the Best Actress shit at the Golden Globes. The first was when a stoned ass Cameron Diaz fucked up Saint Angelina's name. I almost felt a little "like" in my no-heart for Cameron. ALMOST. I would've liked her fully if she said "Brangelina Jolie" or "Anist...Angelina Jolie."

The second amazing moment came when a blubbering Kate Winslet accepted her award for that movie about fighting in the suburbs while wearing old timey clothes. You know, I was wasted while watching this shit last night and now that I'm sober, her speech is a million times more annoying. Bitch is acting like she swam the Atlantic Ocean and then directly ran from New York to the Golden Globe stage. All breathless and shit. It's a damn Shiny Titty Award. Not an Oscar! Take a hit from Cameron's bong and mellow out. I wanted Marky Mark to turn the hose on her. Drama queen. However, I forgive her for all of that, because when she was calling out all the losers in her category, she said "Oh God! Who's the other one? Angelina!" HAHAHAHA! This is why God created Kate Winslet. The camera shot to Saint Angie who smiled and held her hands together in a very Disney villainess-like way. She was thinking, "The things I have planned for you, my pretty..." Brangelina showing up to awards shows and getting snubbed every time never gets old! The world will pay for this I'm sure!

Here's drama queen Kate Winslet (YAY!) and her husband last night. And also some pictures of Brad Pitt and "The Other One." The Other One should keep her hair down more often. It makes her look less like an elderly and malnourished praying mantis. And my abuelita had some sunglasses just like Brad Pitt's when she got her cataracts done, because she didn't like the shades they gave her ass. Of course, my abuelita wore them better.

It's amazing what excellent lighting and some make-up can do. Actually, Kate Winslet is sort of a natural beauty. She looks extra special in Italian Vanity Fair.