Renee Zellweger

First of all, what in Squinty Zellweger's name happened to Kenny Chesney? Bitch is looking like a chewed up piece of bacon fat. He's like a 10-year-old boy with a pepaw face. Anyway, Kenny has shot down rumors that he's engaged.

Kenny's spokesbitch told People, "Kenny Chesney is not getting married. He's not engaged. He's not planning on being engaged any time in the near future. In fact, he was surprised by the news and isn't sure how or why anyone would've gotten that idea." Well, gay marriage just became legal in California. Maybe that's where people go the idea?

Kenny recently said, "I enjoy being a bachelor. I enjoy everything that comes along with it.'"

Yeah, like a getting a warm blast of man chowder to the face without the guilt!

Next time you see Squinty, make sure you curse her out and call her a name. She lives for it! It makes her feel like one of the "little people."

Squinty said, "I know that sounds so crazy, but I really cherish it when someone is mean, because they're just having a bad day and they don't recognize that you know Tom Cruise, and so they don't alter their behavior in any way. I love it. I love it when the stewardess is just nasty. I just cringe when she (the stewardess) comes back and apologizes because she didn't realize."

Um...the reason why they are being rude to her is because of Tom Cruise.

I'm with Squinty. I like it when people are rude to me. When a dumb skank gets bitchy with me, my face lights up. It's an open invitation for me to bitch them the hell out and dump all my frustrations on them. They asked for it! The black clouds suddenly part and the sun starts shining. It's the perfect therapy.

Source: SF Chronicle

George Clooney does not google his own name, because he lives in fear of what angry anonymous people have to say about him. Oh, I'd say it to his face. After we made out, of course.

Georgie said, "A few years ago, I went to check out this website that someone had talked about. There's like, a thousand people sitting in dark rooms trashing you. Brutal! You're like, 'Wow, dude'. You see way too many angry people on the internet. I remember getting off the machine and thinking, 'Never, ever again'. I'd rather live in my own happy, quiet world where I think that everyone is nice."

I'M NOT FUCKING ANGRY ASSHOLE! NOW DIE!!! And I'm not in a dark room by choice! They don't allow open windows in the institution for some reason. Don't ask me why? Oooh...it's meds time!

Here's some pics of gorgeous George (see, we can be nice) and Squinty at the Leatherheads premiere in London tonight.

That's Ricky Schroder and his son, Luke, at the premiere of Leatherheads last night. Is Luke's mom a tangerine? Kids tan so easily and by "tan" I mean Sunset Tan. Luke looks like a mini-Rick. He should star in a remake of "Silver Spoons," but they would have to change the name to "Bronze Spoons."

Below are other sluts at the premiere including Renee Zellweger, John Krasinski, The Drescher and Cindy Crawford with her husband. Squinty actually looks put together. She doesn't have Crisco on her face and her hair looks freshly brushed. Score for Squinty!

Renee Zellweger attended the Kentucky premiere of "Leatherheads" yesterday with her face looking like Kenny Chesney's ass after a hot night out on the town. I think it's time to consult a skin professional when you're able to grease an entire pie plate with your face.

Renee Zellweger left the Waverly Inn in NYC last night holding some dude's hand Squinty has finally found love! Well, at least love for the night.

The dude is cute in a "might be a serial killer" sort of way. He looks like he has major OCD. He probably obsessively counts the number of blinks people make while he's talking to them. Being with Squinty is going to drive him crazy, because birdie doesn't blink.