Christina Aguilera

We all know that Xtina has been sending Bat Boy to Lady GaGa's dumpster in the middle of the night, so that he can go through it and take her old clothes, wigs and clip-on bangs. Well, Xtina is playing dim in the brains and told the L.A. Times that she doesn't know what a GaGa is.

When asked what she has to say about whores saying she jacked Lady GaGa's look, she answered: "You know, that’s funny that you mention that. This person [Lady Gaga] was just brought to my attention not too long ago. I’m not quite sure who this person is, to be honest. I don’t know if it is a man or a woman. I just wasn’t sure. I really don’t spend any time on the Internet, so I guess I live a little under a rock in that respect."

They have so much more in common than I thought. Most of the time I don't know if Xtina is a man or a woman either. And she doesn't live under a rock, she lives in a cave! That's the only way Bat Boy can get any sleep.

Here's Xtina at some event last night looking like my rockabilly chola cousin Lupe after she went blonde one year. Although, Lupe's hair was hella patchy, because the cheap bleach she used caused that shit to fall out! HA! Dumb bitch.

No, this is not Dee Snyder and Catwoman's broken condom pre-op baby. It's Xtina in her new video for that "Keeps Gettin' Better" song. And no, it doesn't get any better. In fact, if you've watched the whole thing, you're probably asleep, having nightmares of that scary-tranny-clown-cat-creature-thing.

This shit is like "War Games," an "America's Next Top Model" photo shoot and a Chico's commercial rolled into one. Okay, I'll admit that I do like the Chico's portion of the video where she's riding a bike through a field of homo flowers. Although, she's not having a Chico's kind of day with that bootleg Lady GaGa shit on her head.

Click here if you can't see the video above

Thanks Donnie

No, it's really Lady GaGa, but my bleary eyes thought I was looking at Tranny Clown for a quick minute. And then I thought it was Donatella Versace with fancy lighting and CGI work.

Below is Lady GaGa's new video for some song called "Poker Face" If you say it really fast, it sounds like "pork her face."

I'm not sure about this shit. It would be mesmerizing if I was on a Kerry Katona high, but alas that is not the case. But I am sure that I love those pony dogs at the beginning. I want one of those! I'd ride sidesaddle on it down the street while feeding it Snausages. The fun and games would end when it would need to squeeze out a butt boulder. I'm sorry, but I like my Mudslides in a glass, on ice and with a little Hershey's syrup around the rim.

Click here if you can't see the video above.

I'm beginning to think that Xtina doesn't have skin anymore. She's completely made out of bronzer, fake tanner, lipstick and powder. She's like a walking foundation stick. I think she's sponsored by MAC. Fuck. I think she's owned by MAC. Her clit is probably a mini-lipstick. Perfect for those mid-day touch-ups.

She can't fool me with her veiny titty balls. She probably painted on those veins with eyeliner to make her look human.

Here's MAC's #1 friend with Bat Boy in London last night. He's looking very bat-ish here. He looks like a grouchy monchichi in a tux.

Hell no. The Mirror posted a couple of pictures of Prince Willy hanging out with "two showgirls." They call Xtina and Wonky McValtrex "showgirls." That's just a polite way of saying "two whores."

Prince Willy was out with Prince Harry at London's Whisky Mint when he suddenly excused himself to go talk to Xtina who was sitting with Bat Boy nearby. A witness claims the "two sat very close, swapping numbers and flirting outrageously." Outrageously! Xtina was probably just trying to offer Prince Willy her hat so that he could cover his bald spot.

A few moments later, Wonky McValtrex sat her slut ass at Xtina's table. I'm surprised everyone didn't run like roaches in fear of catching her diseases. When Wonky showed up, Prince Hot Ginge hit the road. That's right. He knows that even looking her way will send you straight to the free clinic.

Prince Willy stuck around and braved Wonky's mutant crabs. The witness said after a few minutes the two were exchanging numbers. Please. Wonky was just giving him the number to the doctor that can fix the rash he got from sitting so close to her.

You might want to turn down the brightness on your monitor before going through these pictures of Xtina at the Africa Rising Festival in London tonight. I am pleased to see that her face is back to being completely covered in MAC semen. Sometimes looking natural is so overrated. With that face full of drag paint, I'm sure Xtina constantly gets random dudes asking her if she would tea-bag them for $10. I bet that doesn't happen to you. Don't be jealous.

Xtina's "Barbie Make Me Pretty" face isn't the problem with this look, it's that fucking top! That thing is giving me crazy eyes! It's like looking at Lady Ga Ga through a kaleidoscope. Shit like that belongs in the "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" stage show and nowhere else.

Who sucked all the tranny make-up off of Xtina?! She obviously feels a little sad without all that grease on her face because she looks like a sad little tranny clown. MiserAlba has some competition!

Sad tranny Xtina makes me a little black and blue in the heart too. I miss my tranny clown and her face covered with enough make-up to paint the mugs of a dozen drag queens. It hurts to say that, but sometimes you just have to admit the truth.

The red lipstick needs to come back. This new shade makes her mouth look constipated. Maybe she's trying to tone it down because she wants to look like a loving mother. I hope it's just a phase.

Here's Xtina looking like a bag of month-old Easter candy with milky Max and Bat Boy at Heathrow Airport in London yesterday.

You know, I'm trying to see why Xtina keeps Bat Boy around. Don't say he has big peen, because you know he doesn't. He probably has a really hairy taquito dick. I bet there's ingrown hairs on the tip and his urethra flaps are abnormally large. When he pees, it shoots up like a fountain. Yeah, I know. My imagination knows no bounds when it comes to peen.

I never thought I would say that, but I do prefer Xtina's signature red lip grease than the hot pink diarrhea she's been wearing lately. Jem called and she wants her fucking lip color back.

You know, I don't mind the hair so much. She looks like a drag queen doing a low-rent impersonation of Lady GaGa, but it doesn't bother me as much as her fucking make-up. She needs an intervention! When you're getting your face painted at Maaco, it's to admit that you have a problem.

Here's more of Xtina looking like she pees standing up at a Rock the Vote event in Los Angeles last night.

DJ Fatman Scoop had the right idea while NOT dressing for the VMAs yesterday. Why bother dressing up for that shit? All you have to do is put on a pair of dirty chonies, a wife beater, your favorite chanklas and you're good to fucking go. DJ Fatman probably didn't even rub out the skidmark stains from his boxers. This is why he was the best dressed bitch of the night.

While going through the pictures from last night, I was majorly disappointed with the fashion choices. Everybody tried to look classy. The VMAs are about as classy as a Spears wedding reception. I wanted to see some nip slips, dick slips, tampon string slips and there wasn't any of that! I miss the VMAs of the 90s. Now those whores knew how to dress. Here's some of my favorites from last night (but that's not saying much):

Solange - She would've made this list no matter what. But thankfully she once again wore something she made during craft hour in the basement. Pier 1 must have had a clearance sale on placements.

Slash & his wife - I'm pretty sure Slash never takes off this outfit, so he doesn't really count. It's his wife that really turned out for the occasion. She's covering her nose because her dress smells like crusty sperm, chunky panty pudding, cocoa butter and boiled roast beef. It smells that way because she found it in the dumpster behind a SFV strip club.

Ciara - This ho came prepared. She obviously knew RiRi was not going to lip-synch. Soundproof wig!

Xtina - If Donatella Versace and Morticia Addams rubbed coochies, this is what would come squirting out of them!

Tyga - You can never go wrong with a bedazzled Garfield.

As usual, Xtina looks like a big load of "prostitute tranny infested sperm" laying on a bed of yellow plastic straws. That's her look! I'm trying to embrace it. And I must thank Xtina for bringing out her Tupperware bowl tittays yesterday. Yes you could drive a fleet of extra-large motorboats through her chichis, but I still appreciate them.

Here's Xtina whoring out her new perfume "Inspire" at Macy's in NYC yesterday. It will inspire you to get a sex change. But seriously, if you choose to buy Tranny Clown's new stank, don't overdo it! The other night I was at some restaurant when some nasty ass ho sat next to me. The bitch smelled like Sephora queefed all over her. I could barely enjoy my Salisbury steak! The dumb trollop had so much perfume on that when I bit into my steak, it tasted like a used perfume blotter.