Christina Aguilera

Nicole Richie's People magazine cover has outsold Xtina's People cover. MSNBC's The Scoop reports that Nicole and sad clown baby's cover is on track to sell around 1.8 million copies. Xtina and Max didn't even come close to that. A source said that Xtina never does well on covers.

They went on to say that people are intrigued by Nicole. “There’s also a greater element of curiosity with Nicole. She’s gone public about being a heroin addict. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos. By default, she’s got the more interesting baby. People want to see how she settles down. They want to see what kind of baby someone with her background has.”

Interesting baby? Is that a nice way of saying she's got an uglier baby. People do like seeing ugly babies. It makes them feel better about themselves. Those two babies look the same to me. Switch them and I wouldn't even notice.

JLo is going to trump them all! JLo allegedly got paid around 6 million clams for her People Magazine cover. She better step it up if she wants to sell in this market. I'm proposing an all-nude family portrait. Well, everyone except Skeletor. I don't think my retinas could handle seeing Skeletor's bone.

The real loser in all of this is People Magazine for paying all that dough for these 3 skanks!

Xtina apparently wasn't happy that her People Magazine spread failed to ignite at the newsstands. Basically, nobody gives a fuck about her. Xtina was paid $1.5 million for the photos. When she found out that sales were dull, she reportedly went on a bitch rampage and fired her manager, one of her assistants and her PR Firm. A source told the NYDN that Xtina "went crazy."

This is what happens when you live in a bubble like she does. She thinks everybody loves her and will cream their chonies for pictures of her with her precious baby. It's a hard fall when you find out the truth. Luckily, her giants chichis are there to protect her.

Here's also some video of Xtina arriving in a boat to Villa nightclub last night. When I say "boat" I mean boat. That shit belongs on the water not on the streets. I blame Xtina for global warming!

Xtina was on Ellen today and I really didn't pay attention to anything she said. I just kept watching her massive chichis go up and down. They are much more interesting, because bitch is dull. Watching her interview with Ellen reminds me of running into someone you haven't seen in a long time and there's a reason why you haven't. They just blab on and on about their boring ass life and you're standing there thinking "When is this person going to shut the mouth?"

I did manage to catch the part about Xtina breastfeeding Max. Like she's really going to breastfeed. If she was afraid of labor, I'm sure she's not going to like getting her nipple bitten off by baby. She probably sprays it into his mouth from across the room while she looks at her People Magazine spread over and over again.

Xtina is a pussy. She said that she decided not to give birth to baby Max the natural way, because she was too scared and didn't want to go through the pain. She gave birth via c-section and booked in advance. That's how they do it in Hollywood.

She told Hello Magazine, "I didn't want any surprises. Honestly, I didn't want any [vaginal] tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency C-section [anyway]. The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!"

"Jordan wasn't squeamish at all. He had the video camera ready to go. The most reassuring thing for me was hearing that first beautiful cry. I just welled up with tears."

She actually cried? Didn't she care about fucking up her make-up? She probably got wet mascara all over her poor baby. I don't understand the c-section shit. Isn't a little tear in your pussy better than a big ass scar on your belly? It's called meds Xtina. All she needed was major meds and the pussy tear would have been nothing. Dumb ho!

Above is a picture of Xtina, Bat Boy and baby Max along with a bunch of dogs. That dog is bigger than Bat Boy. It's going to eat the baby! Hello! featuring Xtina hits stands on Tuesday.

Money in the bank! It looks like People Magazine got Xtina and Max for their latest cover. Newborns usually look like prunes, but Max is actually pretty darling. I expected him to look like a little bat boy. It's also nice to Xtina without the whore red lipstick. It probably didn't say "mother of the year." What the hell is that giant moon in the nursery? That would scare the shit out of me and I'm not even a baby. It sort of looks like Xtina's husband.

VIA ONTD

I don't think it's wise for Xtina to be working on her balancing act right now. Those enormous ta-tas will topple her over and then her 10-hour make-up job will be ruined. We don't want that. Xtina needed to stay home, but she went out again last night for the LACMA Opening Gala in Los Angeles. Homegirl looks like she could use a Calgon bath. She's looking used and tired.

Jordy flap your bat ears and take Xtina away!!!!!

Wenn, Wireimage

No, it's not a pornstar at a dildo signing, but I had to read the caption just to make sure. It's Xtina at Best Buy in Los Angeles last night signing her new concert DVD. I usually love after-pregnancy chi-chis, but DAMN! That baby is going to suffocate. I hope they have "safe word" just in case things get too intense while he's feeding.

Homegirl needs a make-under. She's a mother now. She needs to wash the skank off!

She did bring her big ass bitties to the voting area though. Xtina votes! I don't know how she could see the ballot over those titties.

Xtina called into Ryan Seacrest's show on KIIS-FM this morning and discussed all things Max. She talked about having a baby has inspired her next album. Great, I can't wait to hear her sing about placenta and green doody. She also talked about Max's Bris.

She said, "I'm not Jewish, my husband is. I really had no idea about the bris.... It was a very sweet experience. We had a lot of close friends come over and experience the bris with us. We're such a non-conventional couple ... we had penis balloons everywhere!" Non-conventional is right. She's an orange and he's a bat.

I'm sure she was joking about the penis balloon thing, but I like the idea. She should have made a whole theme of it. Dick balloons, dick cake, dicktinis, dicks in a blanket...I can go and on. Xtina probably nixed that idea, because she knew Paris Hilton would have crashed through the windows with a foaming vagina. Too much exposed dick in one place bring outs the Hilton.

Source: UsWeekly

Xtina was in negotations with OK! Magazine for the exclusive picture rights of her new baby, Max. The deal reportedly fell through, because the magazine wouldn't give Xtina the full cover. MSNBC's The Scoop reports that OK! published Xtina's wedding pictures and that shit didn't sell very well. Neither did her Marie Claire cover. That didn't sell, because people were too busy throwing up. It's kind of difficult to throw up and pay for something at the same time. I've tried to do it at the bar several times and it just doesn't work out. People stare at you.

A source said, “Christina has an inflated sense of her own value and seems to expect an extortionate amount of money for these baby pictures. I'm not sure OK! or much of the industry thinks is a dollar figure that's worth it. ... She hasn't proven to be a real seller.” The source also claims that any Xtina is also demanding that any magazine that runs her baby photos cannot run Nicole Richie's baby photos. Xtina can't stand the girl. The source also said that Max isn't really ready for "primetime." Does that mean he's ugly? Yo baby's ugly!

I think the whole selling your baby pictures thing is over. It's played out. The new thing is to get your newborn a reality show. He can't talk or shit on the toilet, but he still can be on TV! I'm thinking a cross between "Flavor of Love" and "Supernanny." They can bring in chicks to battle it out to be your baby's nanny. Think of the money and exposure!

Xtina and Bat Boy popped out a baby boy last night at 10:05. On the dot. Well, she popped it out and he probably watched while hanging from the ceiling. It was reported that she gave birth on Friday, but she held out for Saturday. They have named him Max Liron Bratman.

Their spokeswhore said, "Christina and Jordan are proud to announce the birth of their son Max Liron Bratman. He is a beautiful, healthy baby boy!" He came in at 6 lbs., 2 oz. and 20.5 inches. Damn, they really give you all the info. I'm surprised they didn't tell us if they circumcised him or not.

Congrats to tangerine and the bat!

Source: People