Christina Aguilera

The bitch who airbrushed this mess must have been on the verge of getting fired and knew about it, because it's obvious that they didn't give a turtle's dick (NSFW) about this shit. This is some sweatshop fuckery. It pretty much looks like shit you would find at the dollar store.

Now let's talk about the description. This was seriously written by a wet queef. There is no way that an actual person put this together. Like some tranny liquid is really going to make me "stand up for what I believe in." It'll probably make me hungry for red lipstick and orange grease.

And what in pink hell is up with the cheese grater in back of Xtina? Is that a metaphor or something? I know what "cut the cheese" means, but what does "shred the tranny clown" mean?

VIA ONTD

Nekkid chola alert! This old ass photo of a completely naked and Xtina has been making the internet rounds. The shot was taken as a sort-of company photo of all the hos who work with David LaChapelle. I love how Xtina is just chillin buck naked on a barrel while Pamela Anderson is covered up. And there's a child in the room! SCANDAL! Call CPS!

Seriously, Xtina should ditch her current "tranny clown" look and go back to this shit. It's slightly chola beautiful, but with a few strokes of a Sharpie, she can be transformed into a full-blown chola beauty queen. Xtina needs to bring chola glamour to the masses! What would her chola name be? La Red Lipz Girl? Tranny Payaso? Suggestions please!

The first thumbnail is slightly NSFW. There's a little nipple. Just a little.

A little while ago, Xtina shot a commercial for "Rock the Vote" and here it is. For once, her singing voice doesn't sound like a rabid squirrel getting ass fucked dry on a roller coaster. Still, Baby Max is probably thinking, "Shut the hell up you crazy tranny clown! You don't even know my name!"

That boy is either going to have a strange fascination with clowns or he's going to be deathly afraid of their creepy asses.

VIA ONTD

Xtina was having dinner at The Ivy on June 27th and some bitch actually counted the number of times she greased her lips. A witness told Star Magazine (via Popcrunch) they watched Tranny Clown reapply her lip gloss more than 30 times.

The witness said, “She would take a bite of her calamari, then reapply her gloss, then take a bite of bread and reapply again."

How many times do you think she fucks up and accidentally eats the lip gloss and reapplies her lips with Calamari?

I doubt that's lip gloss. It's probably a mixture of Fen-phen, coke, Alli, E-Z Tan and breast enlargement powder.

Even Xtina's pooch can't look at her face close-up! Tranny Clown probably has so much bronzer on that poochie can see its own reflection and that makes it feel uncomfortable. That poor animal is thinking, "Please Tranny Clown! I know I look like a bat, but don't do sex to me!"

Anytranny, Xtina did some long ass interview with Glamour Magazine. I only scanned the interview, because reading three pages of Xtina's words will most likely make me want to put on red lipstick and fuck a bat. Here are a few lie-telling quotes from the red lipstick fucker:

on the paparazzi:
"A lot of people go out of their way [to be photographed]; I make a conscious effort to keep me and my family out of the limelight. The other day a paparazzo actually pulled up to my husband on the street and said, "Geez, I know the new house is big, but I've been trying to get a picture of you for months--you never leave the house!" And it's true: I'll go out at night after spending time with my son, but [during the day] I just hang out on my grounds, taking him for walks in the stroller in the backyard where we won't be seen."

Never leave the house?! Who the hell was the photographer who said this crap?! Stevie Wonder? If he wanted a picture of Xtina that bad, he should've just opened a bottle of vodka on her front lawn. Xtina can smell vodka within a 10-mile radius.

on sexy times with Bat Boy:
We make sure we have Mommy and Daddy nights out. Our child comes first, obviously, but there are certain things you can do: Once we know he's in good hands, we go out late at night and have a few drinks. Then we'll come home, dim the lights and do our thing--and I'm not going into any more detail than that!

Nurse! Please bring my bed pan. I'm going to be sick. Seriously, you know their sexy sexy time is non-existent. When the lights go off, Bat Boy hangs himself upside down from the ceiling and Xtina sticks her whole face in a bowl of paint remover to get all the grease off. She has to soak overnight.

Visit Glamour to read the entire interview

Thanks Dreamy

The paps act like they've never seen a tranny clown before! Xtina was mobbed yesterday afternoon while leaving the extremely private restaurant, The Ivy. The paps probably went berserk on her ass, because she wasn't wearing any period grease on her lips. I thought that red shit lipstick was permanent!

And why were the paps all over Xtina when that hot bitch Dolph Lundgren was also at The Ivy?. I mean, he was He-Man for fucks sake!

Tranny Clown and red lipstick lover, Xtina, was on Larry King last night to talk about "Rock the Vote" and other shit. Larry King obviously had no idea who the hell he was interviewing. I was waiting for his pepaw ass to call her Britney, Jessica or even Marilyn Monroe! Larry even said to her, "You're pretty much known for being a soft singer." No, she's pretty much known for screaming into the microphone and bursting ear drums. Maybe it sounds soft to Larry because his hearing ain't so good?

This is why I love raptor-faced Larry. You could put a plate of boiled broccoli in front of him and he still wouldn't have any idea what it is. Well, he only eats pureed bananas and tapioca pudding, so why would he know what broccoli is?

Anyway, here's video of Xtina talking about boring shit and also pictures of her leaving Larry King. I mean, he didn't even ask her if that red grease on her lips was permanent or if Bat Boy sleeps upside down?! Opportunity missed!

Xtina is in love with her enormous, veiny E-cup chichis and thinks breastfeeding has a lot to do with their current condition. A source told Star Magazine (via Pop Crunch) that she wants to breastfeed baby Max until he turns 2. Why put Max through the horror of having to stick his face in those things? She should just pop another implant in and call it a day.

A source said, “Christina knows lots of women breastfeed until their kids are two years old-she even heard that Demi Moore did it.” Seriously, I think Rumer is still breastfeeding.

I'm sure Max just loves the taste of vodka-silicone-leche. Speaking of vodka, a source claims Xtina's vodka-filled partying is fucking up her marriage to Bat Boy. The source said, “Jordan’s sick to death of her partying. It’s causing a huge strain on their marriage. He’s at his wits’ end and he doesn’t know what to do.”

Hmmm....he should hide all her red lipsticks. There's no that way bitch would ever leave the house without at least 10 layers of red paint on her lips.

Tranny clown loves to party, loooooooooves to party, but she thinks the media and blogs are blowing it out of proportion. She told Access Hollywood, “I spend all day with my son and once in a while if I want to go out and have a mommy-daddy night with my husband, I am more than allowed to do that."

I think by "mommy and daddy night" she means "Xtina and Stoli night."

Once in a while?! Drag queen goes out more than me and I don't even have a bat baby at home. She really should have said, "I have to watch the nannies take care of my baby all day and if I want to get out and get tore up every night, that's my bidness!" That would have been more accurate.

She went on to say, “They never air footage of the paparazzi actually pulling up beside my husband and being like, ‘When is she going to leave the house? I have been trying to get a picture of her for weeks. Everybody has an opinion and everybody sometimes wants to cause drama and be mean spirited, but it’s something that comes with what you do and I learned that very early on.”

Methinks she was drunk during that entire interview. I bet she slurred her words and heaved at least once. Fuck the haters, Xtina! Go out, get drunk and spike that breastmilk! Bat baby likes the extra kick in his meals.

Here's some picturs of Xtina having a "mommy and daddy" night on May 31st in Las Vegas.

I've tried to find one good thing to say about these Xtina pictures and I can't. I lose. There's too much information to process.

I can't call those things chichis. Those vein nuts give all good chichis a bad name. I'm also convinced that this bitch just adds ice water to her face and the 10-pounds of make-up magically appears. She's like that fucking Lil' Miss Make-Up doll from the 80s.

Here's tranny clown at LAX in Las Vegas last night.