Peter Andre

 

She's a blonde! Finally, Peter Andre gets to have a little fun. Jordan and Peter switched hair colors. Petey showed off his hideous new hair color as the two left a medical center in Los Angeles yesterday. Did he also bleach his beard? No, not Jordan...the beard on his face.

 

All he needs is some fake tits and he'll look just like her.  

 

 

Images: Mr. Paparazzi

 

 

 

Peter Andre confessed that he had a crush on Boy George when he was younger. Pete said when he first laid eyes on Boy in the 80s, he thought he was the hottest thing. He claims he thought Boy was a woman. Suureeee.

 

He said, “She is hot. I thought I was going to marry this woman.”  

 

Well, he basically married a woman like Boy George. Remove Jordan's fake hair and breasts and you've got yourself another Boy George.

 

If I was Peter I would've kept that little fact to myself. He's most likely going to find himself chained to Boy George's radiator now.

 

Source: The Sun

 

 

 

Jordan said that she likes to dress up for Peter Andre in order to spice up their sex life. More like he likes to dress up in her lingerie.

 

She said, "Our favourite thing at the moment is dressing up. I've been wearing a nun's outfit, which really turns him on. Maybe he likes it as I look all pure and virginal."

 

Jordan, pure and virginal? You could dunk her in holy water, perform an exorcism on her and give her vagina cherry back and she'd still be a sinful slut! That's ok. That's how I like my Jordan.

 

And please! She dresses up as a priest and he dresses up as an altar boy. She needs to keep it real.

 

Source

 

 

It's that time again! Jordan loves to talk about how much Posh Beckham bothers her ass. So far she's said that Posh isn't that attractive and that Posh doesn't really do anything. This time she's the whore calling the kettle black.

 

She said, "I do feel sorry for her in a way, but she craves attention. If she looks rough she shouldn’t go out like it should she?"

 

You have a point Jordan. People shouldn't go outside if they are looking a little rough around the edges. Therefore you should always stay inside! Lock the door and throw away the key!  

 

Source

 

 

 

Jordan already told us her sex life was like the horror movie "Hostel" and that Peter Andre's dick is the size of a cable remote control, so now it's his turn to discuss the barf details of their love life.  

 

Peter said, "Katie is a filthy bitch and I'm her temptation. Everybody has fantasies and when it comes to sexual ones, when you close your bedroom door and it's just you and your partner, anything goes."

 

"If we're sat downstairs with the kids and the nanny, Kate tells me off if I discreetly suggest we sneak off upstairs. She'll say, 'Pete, you make it so obvious you want to go upstairs for a shag.' And I get really embarrassed. I'm like, 'Thanks honey!' So that blows that out."  

 

Peter needs to get his own nickname for her! I already have dibs on that one. Actually, I call her "filthy cunt" so he can have that one. 

 

I'm sure Peter's "sexual fantasy" involves an International Male catalog, a double-sided dildo, a cop's uniform and a Judy Garland soundtrack. I'm sure Jordan and Peter do ass-to-ass while singing along to "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows." 

 

Source: The Sun

 

 

 

Jordan and Peter Andre must have orange sheets at home, because any other color would eventually turn orange anyway. Seriously, all these people in these pics are orange! This is like a slutty Wonka Chocolate Factory.

Anyway, here's Jordan and Peter at a Birthday party in London Saturday night. Peter went home early while Jordan partied till dawn.

 

And what the hell is Peter wearing? A cardigan without a shirt underneath? I'm sorry, but your body would reject that outfit if you didn't take it up the ass every now and again. GAY!

 

 

 

 

 

Jordan's looking at the camera like "you're getting this, right?" Thankfully, she's wearing panties or we would've seen some fried bologna on a bed of couscous and that's not what my palette needs right now.  

 

Here's Jordan and some orange homo out in London last night.  

 

 

Source , Source

 

 

 

Fat-mouthed Jordan has compared her sex life with wifey Peter Andre to a horror movie. In the past Jordan has been very open about her sex life comparing Peter's dick size to a cable TV remote control and talking about how maybe one day she'll shit in front of him.

 

This time she said, "Pete is the sicko, not me. I'm an extremist. Have you seen the film Hostel? Our sex life is like that."

 

What the hell does that mean? Actually, makes sense to me! Jordan's coochie cat is like an open, bloody wound and Pete runs from it like a screaming girl in fright whenever he sees it.  

 

 

Source - Image: Splash 

 

 

Peter Andre doesn't know why Kate Moss is famous. He doesn't find her attractive and has even dubbed her "Kate Fungus." Sort of funny, but coming from him...not funny at all.

 

He said, "'She is meant to inspire young girls but how can a walking skeleton inspire anyone?

"Considering she's a supermodel she looks more like Kate Fungus than Kate Moss. Her body actually looks like it's eating itself."

Ok...but his wife, Jordan, is a great role model to young girl? That's right youngins, get the biggest implants available and show them off to anybody who asks!

Ok, Kate Fungus is funny.

Source

 

 

 

Peter Andre has said that he's waiting to get to know his baby girl before he names her. It was previously reported that Jordan was planning to name her daughter "Crystal" after the character in her new fiction novel.

 

He said, "We haven’t decided on a name yet because we want to see what she looks like over the next few days.”

“At the moment I am just calling her ‘baby’. She is already pinked out to the max. I hope she looks like Katie because Junior looked like me when he was born. I feel a bit dazed but so excited.”

They are totally going to name her Baby after Dirty Dancing. You know that movie probably really touched them on an intense level.

Baby Andre is already a TV star. The aftermath of Baby's birth was filmed for Peter and Jordan's reality show.  

Here's Peter being gay hot at a book signing in London today. Does every D-list celeb have a book out in the UK?!