Peter Andre

Harvey almost makes me happier than an open bar. Almost. If Harvey was carrying a bottle of Alize, my face would probably turn inside out. Since Harvey is one of my favorite things since Dippin' Dots, I am keeping up with his entire Los Angeles adventure.

Today, Harvey visited the Junior Blind of America center with a camera crew in tow. My wish is that they are filming HARVEY: The 3D Spectacular Sensation, but I'm assuming it's just for Peter Andre and Katie Price's shit reality show.

This is the part where they whore out their almost-blind soon and have a few laughs about it. Oh, Harvey. Please tell me them to "fuck off" in seven different languages, because I know you can.

And he made it! American just got a lot more beautiful, because Prince Harvey of England rolled into LAX today on his royal throne with his subjects behind his ass where they belong. They should be fanning him and feeding him chocolate covered grapes.

Anyway, Harvey is here to save the day! Shit. He could probably save our economy with a couple of visits to In-N-Out. Harvey brings us hope! Seriously, I feel so grateful for two Harvey sightings in just one weekend. It's like seeing a unicorn through a rainbow. Harvey hardly makes appearances, because he prefers to keep his shit private, so this is extra special.

I am fucking writing this shit from the other side of the moon because I just went over it. Yes, I said it.

Harvey 4 EVA! I seriously hope he's in Los Angeles to play Saffy in the American version of AbFab (see below). That I would watch.

Another story about BABIES!!! This is the third one of the day. The D in Dlisted obviously stands for diapers. Makes sense.

So....Harvey, Junior and Princess Tiamammamiawhatever might be getting yet another sibling. The Daily Star claims that Katie Price has a human growing inside of her. If this shit is true, it would be her fourth child and her big gay husband's third. Some ho said that while on vacation in the Maldives, Katie felt vommy and wouldn't drink any cocktails. The ho said, "Kate was complaining about feeling really poorly and queasy and kept stroking her tummy.”

It was probably just the mountains of hot bullshit inside of her busting to spew out.

The ho went on to say that Katie and Peter's marriage troubles are over and now they can't wait to move to the US (save us!!!) to start filming their new reality show for three months. And wouldn't you know? A new baby would make a great plot for their reality show!

I really won't believe this until I see Katie Price on the cover of OK! with her big gay husband holding her belly with the tagline: "Just Buy This Magazine and Ask Questions Later."

Katie's never going to pop out a person as perfect as Harvey, so she needs to quit trying.

P.S. - Katie's t-shirt must be a tribute to this hot slut.

Katie Price has already told us more than we want to know about Peter Andre's peen. I could probably draw that shit accurately with all the details she's given us. She's told us how wide and how long it is. Now she's telling us the color. If you happen to be eating a nuked up sausage link, you might want to skip this part.

Kate tells Now! Magazine (via The Sun), “When I go on holiday you’ll never see a bikini shot of me, because I sunbathe naked. I haven’t got any lines at all! That’s why I go to very private places. Peter does too. He’s got a brown willy!”

They really do belong together. His brown willy compliments the shit logs that are always pouring out of her mouth. And I doubt Peter's peen is brown. You know he totally spray tans that shit. It's bright orange like a radioactive carrot (don't even think of Carrot top....DON'T). It was brown when Katie happened to see it, because Peter hadn't showered yet after "hanging out" with the boys.

Katie Price went back to London yesterday after flying to Los Angeles for an emergency photo-op with her big gay husband to prove that they are still playing clit hockey together. Katie denied away that her marriage is getting fucked in the butt without lube. She said that Peter's in California to work on his album and she's busy promoting her slut products. In fact, she said things are going so swell that they are planning to add 4 more BABIES to their family.

Katie told OK! Magazine (via The Sun), "Ideally I want to have another three kids biologically and then adopt. If something happened and there was a child who needed a home before that, then I’d do it. All I know is that I haven’t finished yet when it comes to having kids. Hopefully I will get pregnant next year as we are going to start trying. I want to focus on training for the marathon so I don’t want to get pregnant again just yet. But certainly not this year. No chance."

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that after Katie and Peter named their daughter Princess Tiamii, a law was passed in Britain banning them from having kids based on that name choice. It is a form of child abuse. If that's not the case, then I think the decision on bringing more BABIES!!! into the Andre home should solely be up to Judge Harvey. And you know what he's going to say when Katie asks him if she can please bring more humans into their home....

Here's a few pictures of Katie doing the whore shuffle while wearing Walmart pajamas at Heathrow.

There's a few rumors going around that Katie and Peter's marriage is quickly reaching its expiration date. So what's a famewhore to do? Katie got on a plane from London to Los Angeles to be with her big gay husband, so that they could make a show of things to prove that things are just peachy orangy. Although, Katie is probably just seizing the opportunity to get a little more publicity. These two never get sick of getting ass fucked with the big attention stick.

Last night, they held hands while leaving some restaurant in West Hollywood, which obviously means they are still licking the fake tan grease off of each other's dirt stars. Obviously. If they're going to fake this shit, they could have at least tried to act it up a bit for the cameras. This was a fuck effort.

Peter looks like he'd rather be holding on to a ten-inch dick and Katie is concentrating hard on keeping her tattered tarantula lashes from poking her in the eye. Bitch looks like a whory bunny with those lashes!

I think the most annoying thing about this shit, is that Katie didn't bring Harvey with her! She probably knew he wouldn't stand for this fakery. He keeps it real.

There's been a rumor going around that the two fag tarts known as Katie and Peter are on the verge of breaking up. So what do a couple of famewhores do when there's break-up rumors? They slap on the bronzer, hike up their tits, awkwardly hold each other's hands and then go to the biggest paparazzi hot spot. That's what they did last night. And don't they look so much in love? Gross. He looks like he would rather be holding on to a hard dick dripping with pre-cum. That's very Tommy Girl of him.

The rumors started when some friend of theirs told Closer Magazine (via The Sun) that Peter has had it with Katie's skinny ass body and bad attitude. The friend said: "Pete really has had enough. He's told her that unless she treats him with some compassion and like an equal then their wedding vows don't mean a thing. She makes him feel like shit. He'll be getting ready and she'll say, 'What are you wearing that for?' It really upsets him."

In her defense, Peter probably wants to leave the house in pink sequined coochie cutters and a sheer tank top that says "POWER BOTTOM" on it. Star Jones had the same problem.

I don't think these two attention fuckers will ever split up. As long as OK! Magazine keeps putting them on their covers and networks keep giving them reality shows, they will keep faking their fraudulent marriage. I just have a small tip for them. The next time they fake it for the pappies, they should bring Harvey along. I would much rather see pictures of Harvey than these two balls of orange grease balls.

Katie Price bent over to give us all a final glimpse at her famous fake chichis. Or maybe she's just pushing out a doody bubble. She sort of has that look in her eyes. I bet you her shits are covered in fake tan grease. She takes Alli shits on she's not even on Alli!

Katie and her big gay husband, Peter Andre, are terrorizing Los Angeles at the moment. Yup, there's a reason why all Los Angeles area grocery stores out of Crisco. Katie and Peter need to stay greasy at all times.

Katie is in town to have a final surgery on her plastic chichis. Last year, she took them from a 32G to a 32F. She held a press conference stating she wanted to go down to a 32C. Okay, she didn't really hold a press conference, but she might as well have. She fucking told everyone. Shit, I even think she called my mommy and told her personally.

As much as I can't stand this greasy Slim Jim anymore, I'm going to miss her big tittays. They were the reason I first fell in love with her. And now that they are going away, there's no reason for me to hold on. Goodbye, my sweet Jordan! Goodbye! Seriously, how is she going to put together sentences now that her huge breastes are being shrunk down? Those things are the brains of her operation!

And look at these pictures of Peter Andre at the grocery store. Don't tell me he isn't thinking about a juicy, veiny, wet cock.

It doesn't bother me that this tacky bitch is wearing a crown, but it does bother me that she's wearing a crown with that outfit. From the neck up, she's a contestant in a local drag queen pageant. From the neck down, she's a day-shift hooker in Colorado. The two don't go together! Well, at least that fugly crown distracts from her baby poo fake tan and the fat spider legs coming out of her eyes.

Here's Katie Price at a signing for a book she didn't write. I also threw in some pictures of her big gay husband out in about with his butt buddy last night. I think Peter Andre's ring used to belong to Joan Collins.

Katie Price was so moved after watching a BBC documentary about disabled orphans in Bulgaria that she wants to adopt one. In related news, Bulgaria has just announced that fake-tittied celebrities from the UK can no longer adopt from their country.

Kate told The Sun, “We want to be able to help a child to have a better life. The program moved me to tears. So many babies who are born with disabilities find it hard to find adoptive parents – no one wants them. So Pete and I have been to see a lawyer about adopting a baby from abroad.”

I love how Katie tells the press instead of going out and just doing it. I'm sure before she visited her lawyers, she visited the magazines first to see how much cash she could get for the exclusive pictures. Harvey is not amused by any of this.

Thanks Donna