Long before Mad Mel Gibson was barfing out hateful words directed towards Jews in the back of a police car, he was barfing out hateful words directed towards Jews while getting drunk at Hollywood parties. This is what Winona Ryder tells GQ Magazine in a spastic interview that sort of made my brain feel like it was tasered and then injected with liquefied ludes. But back to Winona's Mel Gibson story. Winona says that she was one of the first to watch a tiny black Hitlerstache grow over Mel's lip before her very eyes.
"I remember, like, fifteen years ago, I was at one of those big Hollywood parties. And he was really drunk. I was with my friend, who's gay. He made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish. He said something about 'oven dodgers,' but I didn't get it. I'd never heard that before. It was just this weird, weird moment. I was like, 'He's anti-Semitic and he's homophobic.' No one believed me!"
Why doesn't anybody ever believe Winona?! Just like the time nobody believed her when said that Edward Scissorhands is as gentle as a kitten's air kiss. Or just like the time nobody believed her when she said that she had no idea how that cashmere scarf ended up at the bottom of her bag. I believe her and the world would be a much better place if WE ALL believe her from now on.
And "oven dodgers", really? Ugh. It's a good thing that when I Google that horrific shit all I get is a picture of a delicious L.A. Dodgers cookie.
Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital from Heather yesterday after she had some kind of medical issue while on the plane. Her PR bitch kept their lips shut about what Winona's damage was. One of my suspicions was that Winona swallowed too many beautiful dolls. The Daily Mail claims that's exactly what happened.
According to them, Winona passed out twice after taking too many Xanax pills. Winona was taken to the hospital, but released an hour later and is doing fine now.
Everybody knows you're not supposed to pop Xanax like its Tylenol PM! If you're too scared to fly in an airplane, just chop up one Xanax and one Ambien, snort that up, drink a few glasses of red wine, recline your seat, put on some headphones and let "The Piano" soundtrack serenade you to a deep sleep. I love "The Piano" soundtrack.
The Original Wino was on a flight from Los Angeles to London when she got sick on the flight and needed some kind of medical attention. She probably ate the fish. Don't eat the fish.
Wino was sick enough for the pilot to ask for priority landing into Heathrow. When they arrived, medical bitches met her at the gate and immediately transported her ill ass to the hospital.
Her spokeswhore said this shit: "She did fall ill on a flight and as a precautionary measure, was taken to a hospital. She was there maybe an hour and was released. The bottom line is she is in good health."
Hmmm....let's go through the "Why was Wino Sick" checklist: Diarrhea? Naw. She watched "Autumn in New York" on the flight? Naw. The klepto in her made her swallow the first-class napkins? Possibly. Too many dolls? Ding ding ding!
Wait. Does customs and the drug dogs check your ass when you have to be taken to the hospital directly from the gate? The Original Wino is a genius drug mule!
Star Magazine reports that Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder are a new couple. They're good together. They are both responsible for pretty much ruining "Bram Stoker's Dracula" with their wooden chemistry. Hopefully, their dates will consist of acting classes and colonics.
The original Wino and Keanu are currently filming "The Privates Lives of Pippa Lee" together. A source said they are always in each other's trailers. The source went on to say, "They are also always hugging on the set. The chemistry is really electric." Electric? In their pretty, little dreams. There's nothing electric about two pieces of wet wood.
OG Wino has also been spending time at Keanu's NYC apartment during breaks in filming.
They belong together. Keanu lives like a homeless person, so at least he doesn't have to worry about her stealing anything. Unless he wants her to steal his heart. Awwww. BARF! Donkey punch me if I ever get that sappy again.
Winona Ryder was arrested 6 years ago for stealing a bunch of shit from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. She was sentenced to 3 years probation and community service. Has she struck again? The National Enquirer (via DM) claims Winona was leaving a CVS Pharmacy in Hollywood when the security alarm went off. Winona kept walking. A security guard went after Winona and searched her bags. He found a bunch of make-up she didn't pay for. She apparently told him, "I don't know how that happened." Spoken like a true klepto. My favorite part of "Cops" episodes is when the crazy crackhead always says to the police how they don't know why that baggie of heroin got in their bag. The heroin fairy put it there!
A store employee confirmed that Winona took shit. They said, "We took unpaid items back and she left the store." Winona's rep denied the story at first, but said she would double check when the Enquirer told her an employee confirmed it.
It's a requirement in Hollywood to have some sort of fucked up addiction. You can either be a crackhead, boozer, sex addict or klepto! If this is true then I'm really disappointed with CVS and won't be shopping there anymore. They had their chance to get the bitch arrested with their store name splattered across every newspaper. Winona Ryder getting arrested at the CVS for stealing a little Bonne Bell would have made my day. I will never forgive them.
Winona Ryder attended the Valentino show in Paris yesterday with a new dude. It looks like they go to the same hairdresser. Hair twins. Winona needs to let her face relax. Maybe she can't. She looks like an ass virgin getting it for the first time. We all had that look on our faces when we got it in the butt for the first time. That look like, "I don't know if I can do this........my ass is going to explode all over his dick!"
Oh Wino! Just relax and let your ass explode or just lay off the eye lifts.
This actually looks more natural than the Pamela Anderson Playboy spread.
Visit DLT to see many many more of Winona's cartoon nips.