Matthew McConagay

I've talked a lot about Rooster McConaughey and his son, Miller Lyte, but I've never seen a picture of the poor kid. Well, here he is. What in Carrot Bottom hell did they do to Miller Lyte's hair? They totally used leftover Easter egg dye and mashed up carrots to make his hair look like that. They were paying homage to their hero, Ronald McDonald.

Miller Lyte may look like a happy child now, but wait until he grows up and becomes a Bud Light kind of boy. He's going to take the family shotgun off the wall and chase his Rooster all around the trailer park.

This is what pisses me off about Matthew. His brother's nickname is Rooster and his nephew's birth name is Miller Lyte, but he names his son Levi? The McConaughey family should disown his ass for that.

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Thanks Megan

Who knew mega stoner Matthew McConaughey was the type to whore out his baby for millions of dollars? He obviously is the type, because TMZ reports that OK! Magazine beat out People for the first photos of Wrangler Jeans or whatever the hell that baby's name is.

OK! will coughed up 3 million clams for the deal which also includes baby's first Christmas. He's not even a week old.

Hopefully, Matthew will take some of that cash and move his family out of the trailer park! I doubt Baby Chic Jeans really wants to sleep in a kitchen drawer. Oh shit! I said Chic Jeans. That was the hottest commercial ever:

Matthew McConaughey revealed to OK! Magazine that stoner baby's name is Levi Alves McConaughey. LAM(E)!!!! Little Levi doesn't have two last names. Alves is his middle name, because it's his mother's last name. I'm seriously disappointed. This is a fuck effort!

Matthew explained why they chose the name Levi, "Levi was another name for the apostle Matthew in The Bible. They were, in fact, two names for the same person. Our son was born at 6:22 pm, and this particular time represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in The Bible: 'If thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.'"

Seriously, I think I got contact high from reading his explanation. Bitch was hitting the bong hardcore. And "bitch please" at his explanation. The only bible he reads is the stoner's bible aka High Times magazine.

You know he named stoner baby after his favorite brand of jeans. Just like brother Rooster named his baby Miller Lyte after his favorite beer.

Matthew and Camila also released this statement:

"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."
—Matthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves

It's a cute and normal name, but I was expecting Matthew to deliver the fucking goods.

At least I can count on Rooster to bring the laughs. Rooster talked to People about his brother's first baby, "It's good to have a boy the first time 'round! You can get away with dropping 'em a couple times, and they'll still be okay. Can't really do that with a little girl.

Rooster has officially become my favorite McConaughey.

I've been refreshing People.com like a hundred times this morning in hopes that they've confirmed the name of Matthew McConaughey's spawn! Yeah, Matthew's chick, Camila Alves, popped out a baby boy last night in Los Angeles. He weighed in at 7 lbs., 4 oz. I'm sure the first words out of the doctor's mouth was, "Pee yew! Put this baby in the showers!"

Baby Stinky was born on the same day as Nicky Kidman's Sunday pillow! They can date in a few years.

I need to know this baby's name!!!! Knowing this information is the most important thing in the world right now. I swear, if it's not something amazingly fucked up like Ganga, Bongo Bongo, Rooster Jr. or just "Baby," I'm going to be extremely disappointed. I shouldn't hold my weed breath, because knowing Camila's boring ass, she's going to name him something normal. Booooo.

Image:Pacific Coast News

Matthew McConaughey and his little chickadee (that's what he probably calls her) might be having a baby boy. Matthew recently said that he wanted to keep his baby's sex on the hush-hush, but the NYDN reports he's been ordering HUNK baby t-shirts and onesies from PlainMary.com. I know, that doesn't really mean anything. Matthew is the kind of stoner that would buy a HUNK t-shirt for his little girl.

Let's say a silent prayer to the weed Gods asking them to give smelly ass Matthew and smelly ass Camila Alves a baby boy. That way the name possibilities are endless. As you probably already know, Matthew's brother, Rooster, named his son Miller Lyte after the beer. This is the kind of genius I'm talking about.

They should really just cut to the chase and name their son "Stinky." That's what most people are going to say whenever they around his smelly little ass.

A group of paps were taking pictures of Matthew McConaughey surfing (you know, because we don't have enough of those pictures) over the weekend when a group of surfers dropped their imported Maui Wowie and tried to defend their turf!

The surfer dudes told the paps to "get a real job" and the paps responded with, "This is a real job. What do you do?" The surfer dude shouted, "I fucking drink beer and party." I think I want to marry that surfer dude.

Anyway, their war of douche words went on and finally ended with a chubby pap hitting a surfer with some photo equipment. Ugh. This would have been so much better if the surfers were hotter, covered in oil and wearing thongs.

And where the fuck is Annette Funicello when you need her? She would have kept the peace!

The douche fight didn't stop there! Yesterday, the same shit went down, but the cops were called. Click here to see the video from yesterday of the surfers beating a pap in the water and some annoying bitch screaming about whatever.

Matthew doesn't want any of this kind of violence! He just wants us all to take off our shirts, rub our skank against each other, smoke a bowl and play the bongos!

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves "made a baby," but that isn't stopping his pothead ass from partying like a drunken fool. Star Magazine has pictures of Mattey in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua on June 6th at the Iguana Bar. A source said he was hitting on and touching several women.

The source said, "He already seemed to be drunk when he arrived alone, and he only got worse from there on. He was putting the make on every woman in his path, throwing his arms around them and trying to kiss them, and trying to dirty-dance with a few out on the floor. But he was a mess, slurring his words and stumbling around." You know he was roofied him.

Later in the night, Matt was found inside of a sewer ditch looking for his lost flip-flop. Um....he wasn't looking for a flip-flop. He was going to bed. That sewer ditch was his hotel room for the night. That's how Matt does it.

Matt denies that he was hitting on a bunch of skanks, but admitted that he was drunk, he said, "Absolutely. Nicaragua is a beautiful place, epic waves, the best surfing I have ever been on. And yes, I'm STILL looking for my left flip-flop. So if anyone finds it floating around down there (it has 6:22 stitched into the side), please send it my way. There is a reward."

I think he's still drunk. Scratch that. He's always drunk. And what does 6:22 mean? Hmm...maybe it's the one day of the year he actually takes a shower?

Image: Splashnewsonline.com

Matthew McConaughey has a brother and his name is Rooster. Rooster!!! Unfortunately, that's not his real name. I know, my ass juices dried up as soon as I read that his real name was Michael Patrick McConaughey. He should legally change it to Rooster. Roooster!

Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I just wanted to tell you McConaughey's brother was named Rooster. Rooster! I know what the point is! Rooster has a reality show coming out. Who doesn't?

People reports that Rooster is starring in Black Gold, a new reality show on TruTV. The show is about the race to find oil in Texas. Rooster's job is to supply the pipes for drills.

Rooster! Wait, should he be smoking that close to those pipes? Who cares? His name is Rooster! Are we sure he's related to Matthew? I mean, he's wearing a shirt. Rooooster!

At first glance, I thought this was Halle Berry and her hot ass sperm donor. Naw, it's stanky ass Matthew McConaughey and his lady, Camila Alves, at a Dodgers game yesterday. I should have known when I smelled the strong scent of body odor, patchouli, Sanka with a slight aroma of awesome. No wonder nobody's coming near them. Those skanks stink!

Matthew better be on his way back to his trailer mansion to make a batch of Jiffy Pop and figure out what he's going to name this kid. I'm not going to let him disappoint me!

Kate Hudson looked like he was having some sort of wardrobe malfunction during the London premiere of "Foolio's Gold" today. That's what the bitch gets for stealing one of Blanche Devereaux's dresses. It's too small for her ass. Kate needed an extra pair of Spanx to suck her in even more. Matthew looked like he tried to help her, but that stoner isn't much help.

Somebody go throw some sand, sweat and pig blood on Matt. He looks too clean and that obviously makes him uncomfortable. Shit, throw some patchouli on him! That crap reeks like butt oil. It does and don't try to tell me otherwise, hippies.