Rosie O'Donnell has been dating her new girlfriend Tracy Kachtick-Anders for approximately 6-minutes (that's around 2 years in gayelle time), and she's already making plans to move her into her home.
Rosie O tells Oprah that as soon as she laid eyes on Tracy, her vag popped and her Home Depot credit card melted, "So she got out of the car in Miami and I was, like, zoinks, you know, because she's absolutely gorgeous and, I don't know, I felt like I knew her right away. It was very odd."
When Oprah asked Rosie if she wants Tracy to live with her, Gayle King burst into tears and ran out of the studio. But they all ignored her, and Rosie answered, "Yes, as soon as we can arrange the kids' thing where she lives in Texas, you know."
They're gonna need a bigger EVERYTHING, because Rosie has 4 kids and Tracy has 6. It's like The Brady Bunch: Lesbian Edition. The Dykey Bunch! Actually, scratch that, because I think the original Brady Bunch was the lesbian version. Those were both gayelles, right?
The ladyfriend Rosie O'Donnell was spotted holding hands with the other day is her new bagina bumpin' lover. And the woman sounds like even St. Angie bows down before her halo. That was served without any sarcasm. Not a drop. I know, mark this day in your calendars.
People reports that Rosie's partner in pussy is Tracy Kachtick-Anders, an artiste from Texas. Tracy is also the founder of the Open Arms Campaign, a non-profit that brings together foster kids with gay and gayelle families. Tracy is the mother of six kids. Five are adopted and several of them have special needs.
The two met online through Rosie's blog. Tracy posted some comment that made Rosie's clit stand up and pay attention. The rest is lezzie history.
It's a good thing that Tracy is a mother to six kids. That means she'll know exactly what to do when Rosie throws one of her major dyketrums.
Rosie O'Donnell really hasn't been seen with a new piece since splitting up with her longtime partner a few months ago, but here she is strolling through Miami with a ladyfriend. A ladyfriend who she may or may not be clapping clits with in the early morning hours.
But good for Rosie if her ladyfriend is munchin' the socks right off of her. Actually, I hope Rosie's ladyfriend is eating her Dorito pie until those evil CROCS go flying off her feet and land in a trash can. If her ladyfriend can do that, she should get a damn Nobel Peace Prize.
I'm sure Rosie wears CROCS because it feels like her feet are in the middle of a vagina sandwich. But it would be much more attractive if she walked around with two silicone pussies on her feet instead.
Rosie O'Donnell has the complexion of a Dorito, so it's not surprising to hear that when she's not chomping on clams, she's surrendering herself to the sun all day long (smells like boiled pork rinds). On Rachel "I'm Not Giving Her That Extra A" Ray's show last week, Rosie proclaimed that she "lives to tan" and "exposure to the sun isn't dangerous."
Thanks to her comments, the hos at the Ray Festa Melanoma Foundation want to shove a strap-on into Rosie's mouth. One of the group's strongest supporters told Page Six that Rosie's comment was "irresponsible." They added, "Going out into the sun without protection is as, or even more dangerous, than having unprotected sex."
But is it more dangerous than looking at a picture of Rosie O'Donnell's turkey sun-dried tomato face without protection? Probably. Just in case, you should squirt an entire tube of SPF INFINITY into your eyes and put on a condom before looking directly at Rosie.
Way before St. Angie was healing the world with her divine vagina and sucking the youth out of Brad Pitt, she had a "phone fling" with none other than Rosie O'Donnell. Once you've talked your genitals off of the ledge, read on......
On Howard Stern's show (via Popeater) the other day, Rosie O not only confirmed that she's no longer munching on Kelli Carpenter's carpet, but she also briefly talked about the phone time she spent with St. Angie. Rosie said, "We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that. There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through. I was a little afraid of her. She's scary in a sexual kind of way."
What a missed opportunity for all of us. To think, we could have had Rosielina instead of Brangelina. Which means instead of crazed Brangaloonies terrorizing our lives, we would be dodging flannel-wearing, saw dust-farting Rosielinaloonies. And honestly, I'd rather be bitched out by a big butchie with a flat top. It kind of gives me the tingles, actually.
And for those you saying that St. Angie would never lick on Rosie's ham muffin, might I remind you of an elderly turtle named Billy Bob Thornton?
A little while ago, The National Enquirer said that Rosie O's partner in pussay, Kelli Carpenter, moved out of their home and shuffled off to Manhattan. At the time, Rosie didn't say much about the rumor. Well, now she's talking to USA Today and says the two are having problems. Doesn't it make you sad in the heart thinking about Rosie's strap-on collecting dust because Kelli isn't around to give it a little attention? That one was for Donald Trump.
When asked about the gayelle drama, Rosie O said, "We're a family. We will remain a family forever. And we are working on our issues. Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties. But everything's fine and everybody's good and we're still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we're friendly and everything's all right."
This sounds like the two have already split on each other's splits. I've always liked Rosie, but I'm sure living with her isn't all free giveaways, rainbows and showtunes. But hopefully, Rosie and Kelli will be back to bumping 'ginas soon so that we don't have listen to Donald Trump go on and on about this. If the Trump wins, we all lose.
And here we have the very rare dykeasaurus known as Rosie O'Donnell displaying her coochie chompin' face for your viewing pleasure. I'm sure Rosie was also making this same face in between barfing all over Elisabeth Hasselcrack's good name (sar.cas.am.) at one of her shows a couple of weeks ago.
According to Fox411, Rosie shat on Elisabeth during her set on the "Girls' Night Out Tour." A source (whose name sounds like Hellisabeth Assholecrack) said, "Rosie started out by asking the audience, 'What was that show I was on? Then, instead of saying, 'The View,' she called it 'The Screw You.' She continued by calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck, 'Elizabeth Half-a-brain.' Then she jumped to another topic."
A few beats later, Rosie was back to yapping about The View, "Rosie said when she first met Elisabeth, she thought she would love her, because they're both Christians. Then she stopped and said, 'But then she turned on me.' Then Rosie called her a 'twat.' O'Donnell then moved on to a different subject, saying she really didn't want to start a new feud, or restart an old one."
Okay, okay, Rosie should probably calm down by blowing a bong or slowly removing the double-sided dildo out of her ass, but Elisabeth is a TWAT. Rosie is just spilling the facts. That's all. It's like me saying that picture of Rosie can be used as a successful tool for teaching abstinence in schools. FACTS!
A few years ago, Rosie O called Starlet Jones "delusional" because of that whole "dieting and Pilates" lie. Star's constipated trout face finally admitted she had her stomach cinched and sealed. Well, it looks like it's all fat water under the band now, because Rosie and Gay Al's former enema bottle holder have teamed up in the name of charity.
UsWeekly says both Rosie and Star will have lunch with the highest bidder. All cash monies from the auction will go towards the Figure Skating in Harlem charity.
Yes, lunch. How in Barbara Walters lisp Hell are you supposed to eat food things with a Star on one side and a Rosie on the other. Do you also win an hour with a gastroenterologist, because your stomach will be on the wrong side of fucked up after that lunch. On second thought, Rosie O wouldn't be so bad. I'd ask her to tell me stories about Babwa pee peeing on herself during meetings while I nibbled on my salad croutons. Then we'd crank call Hasselcrack and pretend to be Dubya. She would totally have phone fucky times with us. Okay, that would good.
But Star?! How are you supposed to swallow successfully when you've got that face looking back at you?! And you know she'll stare at your food with those hongray eyes that make you want to call a priest or 911 or something. I'd rather eat my meal off of a truck stop urinal cake than dine with that bitch. Although, I would like to ask her if the rumor about Gay Al taking three wangs in his glazed donut hole at one time is true. If it is, I need the blueprint on that shit.
Rosie O'Donnell looks so cushy stuffed into her plastic vagina mitts from Hell. Hopefully, that pair she's wearing isn't covered into much toe jelly, because that shit might have to last her a while. You see, the heavens opened up and the angels have sung. The destructive eyeball killers who have brought so much fugness to this planet might be sent back to the fiery depths of Hell where they were born. Women's Wear Daily says the company is in trouble.
CROCS released a report by the accounting firm Deloitte & Touche LLP that states they're in danger, girl. Their stock is down 19 percent and last February, they reported a loss of $183.6 million. The year before, they posted a profit of $168.2, so the company isn't doing well. They replaced their CEO and cut costs in hopes that they are able to swim out of the red this year.
Run to the mirror, smile wide and then cackle like CHERYL BURKE about to cast a black magic spell on of her contestants. That is my face right now.
But seriously, I don't want a shit load of whores to lose their jobs, so I have an idea. Obviously, the people of the world have stepped out of the fug cloud and decided they no longer want to degrade their feet with that trash, so CROCS has to change things up. They already have all that plastic, so the obvious move is to get into the DILDO business! All they have to do is drop the R and there's their new company name!
IN THIS ECONOMY, almost everyone is getting fucked, so we might as well get fucked with a bright, shiny rod of plastic.
Here's CROCS (not cocs) lover Rosie with Kathy Griffin and Gloria Estefan in Miami yesterday.
File this under: Things that can make you impotent. Rosie O'Donnell told Ty Ty Banks on her show that Vadge has been giving her menopause advice. Rosie + Ty Ty + Vadge + Menopause = Dead nuts.
In an episode airing tomorrow and Friday, Rosie tells Ty Ty that she's been going through the change, "Well let me tell you one thing, Tyra: I am about to be 47 next month and Aunt Flow has not shown up for nine months. It started for me at 41...I would be in the bed, and I would wake up and the sheets would be soaking wet -- not damp -- soaking wet. I thought, 'Oh, Vivi (her daughter) crawled in here last night and maybe she wet.' So I would throw the covers off and turn to look -- and there's no Vivi, it's just Kelli (her partner in pussy). Then I'm like, 'Kelli is incontinent!' And then I realized, no it's me." _ __ ___ ____ ______ My brain just flatlined for a quick minute.
Rosie sees Vadge as a big sister (HA!), so she emailed her for advice, "When I started having my hormone things, I'm like, 'What the hell is going on?' she's like, 'Get the cream.'"
Coming from Vadge, "get the cream" could be code for so many things. The blood cream from a dude's ripped off ballsack? The cream from a Baby Jesus? The cream that many professional athletes inject into their muscly nalgas?
But Rosie probably doesn't have to worry about menopause anymore. When she read that e-mail from Vadge about the change, all her lady parts packed up their happy lil' shit and busted out of that bitch's ass. Vadge talking about menopause was way too much for them. Rosie probably thought it was just gas from her Mexican lunch.